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What a God-send to them-a good, obsolete man,
Who has never of Locke or Voltaire been a reader ;-
And the L-nsd-les and H-rtf-rds shall choose him for leader,
And deeply with thee will they sorrow, good men,
So altered, thou hardly canst know it again.
Such oceans of tears, thou wilt fancy that he
And is only now thawing, dear Roger, like thee.
As matters, both public and private, now go,
A good rich Millennium will come à propos.
Instead of thy bankrupt old City of Rags,
Sound bullion throughout, from the roof to the flags-
A celestial Cocaigne, on whose buttery shelves
As your saints seldom fail to take care of themselves !
Divine Squintifobus, who, placed within reach
Can cast, at the same time, a sly look at each ;-
May, even in our own times, a jubilee share,
And so often has failed, we began to despair.
For the man who must bring the Millennium about ;
1 A measure of wheat for a penny, and three 3 When Whiston presented to Prince Eugene measures of barley for a penny. - Rev. c. 6. the Essay in which he attempted to connect his
2 See the oration of this reverend gentleman, victories over the Turks with revelation, the where he describes the connubial joys of para Prince is said to have replied that he was not dise, and paints the angels hovering around aware he had ever had the honour of being 'each happy fair.'
known to St. John,'
There's Faber, whose pious predictions have been
All belied, ere his book's first edition was out;
There was Counsellor Dobbs, too, an Irish M.P.,
Who discoursed on the subject with signal éclát,
A Millennium break out in the town of Armagh !!
There was also—but why should I burden my lay
With your Brotherses, Southcotts, and names less deserving,
To the last new Millennium of Orator Irv-ng?
Go on, mighty man, — doom them all to the shelf
And, when next thou with Prophecy troublest thy sconce,
Art the Beast (chapter 4) that sees pine ways at once !
Doctoribus lætamur tribus.
THE THREE DOCTORS. Dr. S--they as gloriously sleeps
With “No-Popery' scribes, on the
stalls. Though many great doctors there be, There are three that all Doctors o'er- Dr. Slop, upon subjects divine, top,-
Such bedlamite slaver lets drop, Dr. Eady, that famous M.D.,
That if Eady should take the mad line, Dr. S—they, and dear Doctor Slop. He'll be sure of a patient in Slop. The purger-the proser—the bard -
Seven millions of Papists, no less,
Dr. S--they attacks like a Turk ;Dr. Eady writes puffs by the mile.
Attacks but his maid of all-work.3 Dr. Slop, in no merit outdone
By his scribbling or physicking Dr. S—they, for his grand attack, brother,
Both a laureate and senator is; Can dose us with stuff like the one,
While poor Dr. Eady, alack, Ay, and doze us with stuff like the
Has been had up to Bow Street, for other.
his ! Dr. Eady good company keeps And truly, the law does so blunder, With · No-Popery'scribes on the That, though little blood has been walls;
1 Mr. Dobbs was a Member of the Irish Par their immediate allies (he says) every faction liament, and on all other subjects but the Mil- that is banded against the State, every demaJennium a very sensible person. He chose gogue, every irreligious and seditious journalist, Armagh as the scene of the Millennium, on every open and every insidious enemy to Monaccount of the name Armageddon, mentioned in archy and to Christianity;'. Revelation !
3 See the late accounts in the newspapers of 2 This Seraphic Doctor, in the prefacc to his the appearance of this gentleman at one of the last work (l'indicie Ecclesiæ Anglicane), is police offices, in consequence of an alleged assault pleased to anathenatize not only all Catholics, upon his maid of all-work.' but all advocates of Catholics :- They have for
May probably suffer as, under For here lies one who ne'er preferred
The Chalking Act, known to be guilty. A Viscount to a Marquis yet.
Before him Beauty's rosiest girls ; of the three greatest lights of our time, Apollo for a star he'd quit,
And Love's own sister for an Earl's. Drs. Eady and S—they and Slop ! Should me, to which of the three Did niggard Fate no peers afford, Great Doctors the preference should He took, of course, to peer's rela. fall,
tions! As a matter of course, I
And rather than not sport a lord, Dr. Eady must go to the wall.
Put up with even the last creations. But as S-they with laurels is crowned, Even Irish names, could he but tag 'em
And Slop with a wig and a tail is, Let Eady's bright temples be bound
With 'Lord' and 'Duke,' were sweet With a swinging ‘Corona Muralis /'l
to call; And, at a pinch, Lord Ballyraggum
Was better than no Lord at all. EPITAPH ON A TUFT-HUNTER.
Heaven grant him now some noble nook, LAMENT, lament, Sir Isaac Heard, For, rest his soul, he'd rather be Put mourning round thy page, De Genteely damned beside a Duke, brett,
Than saved in vulgar company.
OF THE ORANGEMEN OF IRELAND.
To the people of England, the humble Petition
Of Ireland's disconsolate Orangemen, showing-
That our jobs are all gone, and our noble selves going;
Of Ireland's seven millions of hot heads and hearts,
To keep us from murdering the other six parts;
We humbly suggest there is nothing less true;
Are made by and for a particular few ;-
To see you, in England, such ardour evince,
And burned with most gusto, some hundred years since ;
1 A crown granted as a reward among the Romans to persons who performed any extraordinary exploits upon walls-such as scaling them, battering them, etc. No doubt, writing upon them, to the extent that Dr. Eady does, would equally establish a claim to the honour.
That we love to behold, while Old England grows faint,
Messrs Southey and Butler near coming to blows, To decide whether Dunstan, that strong-bodied saint,
Ever truly and really pulled the devil's nose; Whether t’other saint, Dominic, burnt the devil's paw
Whether Edwy intrigued with Elgiva's old mother? And many such points, from which Southey doth draw
Conclusions most apt for our hating each other. That 'tis very well known this devout Irish nation
Has now for some ages gone happily on, Believiug in two kinds of Substantiation,
One party in Trans, and the other in Con;
Of the said monosyllable, ravaged the lands,
Both the bodies and souls of the sticklers for Trans ;-
For keeping us still in the same state of mind; Pretty much as the world used to be in those ages,
When still smaller syllables maddened mankind ;When the words ex and pers served as well, to annoy
One's neighbours and friends with, as con and trans now; And Christians, like Southey, who stickled for oi,
Cut the throats of all Christians who stickled for ou.4
So often has helped us to play the game o'er,
And wait but the word to show sport, as before.
Which for all such diversions John Bull has to pay"Tis, at least, a great comfort to John Bull to know
That to Orangemen's pockets 'twill all find its way.
etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
1 To such important discussions as these the per' was going on), he found the Turks, we are greater part of Dr. Southey's Vindiciæ Ecclesiæ told, laughing at the Christians for being Anglicanæ is devoted.
divided by two such insignificant particles.' 2 Consubstantiation-the true reformed be- 4 The Arian controversy.-Before that time, lief; at least the belief of Luther, and, as Mos- says Hooker, 'in order to be a sound believing heim asserts, of Melancthon also.
Christian, men were not curious what syllables 3 When John of Ragusa went to Constanti- or particles of speech they used.' nople (at the time this dispute between 'ex' and
BY THE AUTHOR OF CHRISTABEL.
Or an Irish Dump (“the words by
At an amateur concert screamed in "Up!' said the Spirit, and, ere I could pray
So harsh on my ear that wailing fell One hasty orison, whirled me away Of the wretches who in this Limbo To a limbo, lying-I wist not where- dwell ! Above or below, in earth or air ; It seemed like the dismal symphony All glimmering o’er with a doubtful Of the shapes Æneas in hell did see; light,
Or those frogs, whose legs a barbarous One couldn't say whether 'twas day or cook night;
Cut off, and left the frogs in the brook, And crossed by many a mazy track, To cry all night, till life's last dregs, One didn't know how to get on or back; Give us our legs!--give us our legs!. And I felt like a needle that's going Touched with this sad and sorrowful astray
scene, (With its one eye out) through a bundle I asked what all this yell might mean? of hay;
When the Spirit replied, with a grin When the Spirit he grinned, and
of glee, whispered me,
''Tis the cry of the suitors in Chan'Thou’rt now in the Court of Chancery!'
cery! Around me flitted unnumbered swarms I looked, and I saw a wizard rise, Of shapeless, bodiless, tailless forms; With a wig like a cloud before men's (Like bottled-up babes that grace the eyes.
In his agèd hand he held a wand, Of that worthy knight, Sir Everard Wherewith he beckoned his embryo Home) —
band, All of them things half-killed in rear- And they moved, and moved, as he ing;
waved it o'er, Some werelame-some wanted hearing; But they never got on one inch the Some had through half-a-century run,
more ; Though they hadn't a leg to stand upon. And still they kept limping to and fro, Others, more merry, as just beginning, Like Ariels round old ProsperoAround on a point of law were spin Saying, “Dear Master, let us go ;' ning;
But still old Prospero answered, 'No.' Or balanced aloft, 'twixt Bill and And I heard the while, that wizard elf, Answer,
Muttering, muttering spells to himself, Lead at each end-like a tight-rope While over as many old papers he dancer.
turned, Some were so cross, that nothing could As Hume e'er moved for, or Omar please 'em :
burned. Some gulped down affidavits to ease He talked of his Virtue, though some,
less nice, All were in motion, yet never a one,
(He owned with a sigh) preferred his Let it move as it might, could ever move
And he sail, 'I think’—I doubt' *These,' said the Spirit, 'you plainly
*I hope,' see,
Called God to witness, and damned the Are what are called Suits in Chancery!' Pope :
With many more sleights of tongue and I heard a loud screaming of old and hand young,
I couldn't, for the soul of me, underLike a chorus by fifty Velutis sung;