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you !'

But a turtle journeying o'er the sea,

COTTON AND CORN. "On the service of his Majesty !

A DIALOGUE. When I spied him first, in the twilight dim,

SAID Cotton to Coru t'other day, I did not know what to make of him ; As they met, and exchangeda saluteBut said to myself-as slow he plied (Squire Corn in his cabriolet, His fins, and rolled from side to side, Poor Cotton, half famished, on foot)— Conceitedly over the watery path• 'Tis my Lord of St-w-li taking a bath;

'Great Squire, if it isn't uncivil And I hear him now, among the fishes, Look down on a hungry poor devil


To hint at starvation before you, Quoting Vattel and Burgerdiscius !

And give him some bread, I implore But, no-'twas, indeed, a turtle, wide And plump as ever these eyes descried ; A turtle, juicy as ever yet

Quoth Corn then, in answer to Cotton, Glued up the lips of a baronet !

Perceiving he meant to make free,Ah, much did it grieve my soul to see ‘Low fellow, you've surely forgotten That an animal of such dignity,

The distance between you and me! Like an absentee, abroad should roam, When he ought to stay and be ate at home.

To expect that we, peers of high birth,

Should waste our illustrious acres But now 'a change came o'er my dream,' For no other purpose on earth Like the magic lantern's shifting

Than to fatten curst calico-makers. I looked, and saw by the evening beam, That bishops to bobbins should bend, On the back of that turtle sate a

Should stoop from their bench's subrider,

limity, A goodly man, with an eye so merry, Great dealers in lawn, to befriend I knew 'twas our Foreign Secretary, Your contemptible dealers in dimity! Who there, at his ease, did sit and smile, Like Waterton on his crocodile ; Cracking such jokes, at every motion,

No-vile manufacture! ne'er harbour As made the turtle squeak with glee,

A hope to be fed at our boards ;And own that they gave him a lively Base offspring of Arkwright the barber, notion

What claim canst thou have upon Of what his own forced-meat balls

lords? would be.

'No-thanks to the taxes and debt, So on the Sec., in his glory, went

And the triumph of papero'er guineas, Over that briny element,

Our race of Lord Jemmys, as yet,
Waving his hand, as he took farewell,
With a graceful air, and bidding me tell

May defy your wholerabbleof Jennys!'
Inquiring friends that the turtle and he
Were gone on a foreign embassy- So saying, whip, crack, and away
To soften the heart of a Diplomate, Went Corn in his cab through the
Who is known to doat upon verdant fat, throng,
And to let admiring Europe see, So madly, I heard them all say
That calipash and calipee

Squire Corn would be down before Are the English forms of Diplomacy ! long.

slider ;




Fessus jam sudat asellus,
Parce illi; vestrum delicium est asinus.- Virgil. Copa.
A DONKEY, whose talent for burdens was wondrous,

So much that you'd swear he rejoiced in a load,
One day had to jog under panniers so pond'rous,

That-down the poor donkey fell, smack on the road.
His owners and drivers stood round in amaze-

What! Neddy, the patient, the prosperous Neddy,
So easy to drive through the dirtiest ways,

For every description of job-work so ready!
One driver (whom Ned might have “hailed’ as a brother')?

Had just been proclaiming his donkey's renown,
For vigour, for spirit, for one thing or other,-

When, lo, 'mid his praises, the donkey came down!
But, how to upraise him ?-one shouts, tother whistles,

While Jenky the conjuror, wisest of all,
Declared that an 'over production' of thistles 2

(Here Ned gave a stare)—was the cause of his fall.
Another wise Solomon cries, as he passes,

"There, let him alone, and the fit will soon cease
The beast has been fighting with other jackasses,

And this is his mode of * transition to peace.
Some looked at his hoofs, and, with learned grimaces,

Pronounced that too long without shoes he had gone-
*Let the blacksmith provide him a sound metal bacis,

(The wiseacres said), and he's sure to jog on.'
But others who gabbled a jargon half Gaelic,

Exclaimed, 'Hoot awa, mon, you're a' gane astray,'—
And declared that, whoe'er might prefer the metallic,

They'd shoe their own donkeys with papier maché.'
Meanwhile the poor Neddy, in torture and fear,

Lay under his pannier, scarce able to groan,
And—what was still dolefuller-lending an ear

To advisers whose ears were a match for his own.

At length, a plain rustic, whose wit went so far

As to see others' folly, roared out, as he passed'Quick--off with the panniers, all dolts as ye are,

Or your prosperous Neddy will soon kick his last ! 1 Alluding to an early poem of Mr. Coleridge's the House, 'that we must return at last to the addressed to an ass, and beginning, 'I hail thee, food of our ancestors,' somebody asked Mr. T. brother !

what food the gentleman meant ?' 'Thistles, I 2 A certain country gentleman having said in 'suppose,' answered Mr. T.


GREAT Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions !

And oh, above all, I admire that decree,
In which thou command'st that all she politicians

Shall forth with be strangled and cast in the sea.
'Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster-

A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts ;
Who talks, with a lisp, of 'the last new Westminster,'

And hopes you're delighted with ‘Mill upon Gluts;
Who tells you how clever one Mr. F-nbl—nque is,

How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility ;-
And assures you, that even a gentleman's rank is,

In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility.
To see her, ye Gods, a new Number devouring-

Art. 1, On the Needle's variations,' by Snip;
Art. 2, On the Bondage of Greece,' by John B-r-ng

(That eminent dealer in scribbling and scrip);
Art. 3, ' Upon Fallacies,' Jeremy's own

(The chief fallacy being his hope to find readers);
Art. 4, · Upon Honesty '-author unknown;

Art. 5 (by the young Mr. M-), ‘Hints to Breeders.'
Oh Sultan, oh Sultan, though oft for the bag

And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call —
Though drowning's too good for each blue-stocking hag,

I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
Ay, and—lest she should ever again lift her head

From the watery bottom, her clack to renew,-
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,

I would hang round her neck her own darling Review.


THE GHOST OF MILTIADES. And he found the scrip of Greece so

high, Ah quoties dubius Scriptis exarsit amator !

Thatit fired his blood, itflushed his eye;

And oh ! 'twas a sight for the ghost to THE ghost of Miltiades came at night, And he stood by the bed of the Ben. For there never was Greek more Greek

see, thamite ;

than he ! And he said in a voice that thrilled the And still, as the premium higher went,

frame, If ever the sound of Marathon's name (As we see, in a glass that tells the

His ecstasy rose-so much per cent. Hath fired thy blood, or flushed thy

weather, brow,

The heat and the silver rise together), Lover of liberty, rouse thee now!

And Liberty sung from the patriot's lip, The Benthamite, yawning, left his bed-- While a voice from his pocket whispered Away to the Stock Exchange he sped, 'Scrip!

Utrum horum


The ghost of Miltiades came again ;- Thus saying, the ghost, as he took his He smiled, as the pale moon shines flight, through rain,

Gave a parting kick to the Benthamite, For his soul was glad at that patriot Which sent him, whimpering, off to strain :

Jerry(And, poor dear ghost, how little he And vanished away to the Stygian knew

ferry ! The jobs and tricks of the Philhellene

crew !) 'Blessings and thanks !' was all he said,

CORN AND CATHOLICS. Then melting away, like a night dream, fied !

Dirius boruin ?- Incerti Auctores. The Benthamite hears-amazed that

What! still those two infernal questions, ghosts

That with our meals, our slumbers Could be such fools-andaway he posts, That spoil our tempers and digestions-

mixA patriot still! Ah no, ah no

Eternal Corn and Catholics ! Goddess of Freedom, thy scrip is low, And, warm and fond as thy lovers are, Gods ! were there ever two such bores ? Thou triest their passion when under

Nothing else talked of, night or par. The Benthamite's ardour fast decays,

Nothing in doors, or out of doors, By turns he weeps, and swears, and But endless Catholics and Corn!

prays, And wishes the d- -1 had crescent and Never was such a brace of pests cross,

While Ministers, still worse than Ere he had been forced to sell at a loss. either, They quote him the stock of various Skilled but in feathering their nests, nations,

Bore us with both, and settle neither. But, spite of his classic associations, Lord ! how he loathes the Greek So addled in my cranium meet quotations !

Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt 'Who'll buy my scrip? Who'll buy Whether, this year, 'twas bonded wheat my scrip?

Or bonded papists they let out.
Is now the theme of the patriot's lip,
As he runs to tell how hard his lot is

Here landlords, here polemics, nail

you, To Messrs. Orlando and Luriottis,

Armed with all rubbish they can rake And says, 'Oh Greece, for liberty's up;

Prices and texts at once assail you“. sake,

From Daniel these and those from Do buy my scrip, and I vow to break Those dark, unholy bonds of thineIf you'll only consent to buy up mine!' And when you sleep, with head still

torn The ghost of Miltiades came once Between the two, their shapes you

mix, His brow, like the night, was lowering Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn,o'er;

Then Corn again seem Catholics. And he said, with a look that flashed dismay,

Now Dantzic wheat before you floatsOf liberty's foes the worst are they Now, Jesuits from California Who turn to a trade her cause divine, Now Ceres, linked with Titus Oats, And gamble for gold on Freedom's Comes dancing through the Porta shrine !


. Jacob.

more ;


Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, So, on they went, a prosperous crew,

And a whole crop of heads appears, The people wise, the rulers clever, — Like Papists, bearding Church and And God help those, like me and State

you, Themselves together by the ears ! Who dared to doubt (as some now

do) While, leaders of the wheat, a row That the Periwinkle Revenue

Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming, Would thus go flourishing on for Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co., Stand forth, somniferously flaming!

Hurra! hurra!' I heard them say, In short, their torments never cease ;

And oft I wish myself transferred off And they cheered and shouted all the To some far, lonely land of peace,


As the Great Panurge in glory went Where Corn or Papists ne'er were

To heard of.

open his own dear Parliament. Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole ; But folks at length began to doubt

For-if my fate is to be chosen What all this conjuring was about; 'Twixt bores and icebergs-on my soul, For, every day, more deep in debt I'd rather, of the two, be frozen! They saw their wealthy rulers get :

• Let's look (said they) the items


And see if what we're told be true

Of our Periwinkle Revenue.'

But, lord, they found there wasn't à


Of truth in aught they heard before; To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of For they gained by Periwinkles little, Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789

And lost by Locusts ten times more! ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Pe. riwinkles

, amounting one year with another to These Locusts are a lordly breed the value of 2,425,768, etc. etc.-Rabelais.

Some Salmagundians love to feed. HURRA! Hurra!' I heard them say,

Of all the beasts that ever were born, And they cheered and shouted all the Your Locust most delights in corn; way,

And though his body be but small, As the Laird of Salmagundi went

To fatten him takes the devil and all ! To open in state his Parliament.

Nor this the worst, for, direr still, The Salmagundians once were rich, Alack, alack, and well-a-day ! Or thought they were — no matter Their Periwinkles-once the stay which

And prop of the Salmagundian till — For, every year, the Revenuel

For want of feeding, all fell ill ! From their periwinkles larger grew; And still, as they thinned and died And their rulers, skilled in all the trick, away, And legerdemain of arithmetic, The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts’ Bill, Knew how to place 1, 2, 3, 4,

Grew fatter and fatter every day! 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 and 10, Such various ways, behind, before, • Oh fie! oh fie!' was now the cry, That they made a unit seem a score, As they saw the gaudy show go by, And proved themselves most wealthy And the Laird of Salmagundi went men !


his Locust Parliament !


I Accented as in Swift's line

Not so a nation's revenues are paid.'

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