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The ghost of Miltiades came again ;- Thus saying, the ghost, as he took his He smiled, as the pale moon shines flight, through rain,

Gave a parting kick to the Benthamite, For his soul was glad at that patriot Which sent him, whimpering, off to strain :

Jerry-(And, poor dear ghost, how little he And vanished away to the Stygian knew

ferry ! The jobs and tricks of the Philhellene

crew !) 'Blessings and thanks !' was all he said,

CORN AND CATHOLICS. Then melting away, like a night dream,

Utrum horum fled!

Dirius boruin ?-Incerti Auctores. The Benthamite hears-amazed that

What! still those two infernal questions, ghosts

That with our meals, our slumbers Could be such fools-andaway he posts, That spoil our tempers and digestions-

mixA patriot still! Ah no, ah no

Eternal Corn and Catholics! Goddess of Freedom, thy scrip is low, And, warm and fond as thy lovers are, Gods! were there ever two such bores ? Thou triest their passion when under

Nothing else talked of, night or par. The Benthamite's ardour fast decays, Nothing in doors, or out of doors, By turns he weeps, and swears, and

But endless Catholics and Corn ! prays, And wishes the d. -1 had crescent and Never was such a brace of pests — cross,

While Ministers, still worse than Ere he had been forced to sell at a loss. either, They quote him the stock of various Skilled but in feathering their nests, nations,

Bore us with both, and settle neither. But, spite of his classic associations, Lord ! how he loathes the Greek So addled in my cranium meet quotations!

Popery and Corn, that oft I doubt 'Who'll buy my scrip? Who'll buy Whether, this year, 'twas bonded wheat my scrip?

Or bonded papists they let out. Is now the theme of the patriot's lip,

Here landlords, here polemics, nail you, As he runs to tell how hard his lot is To Messrs. Orlando and Luriottis,

Armed with all rubbish they can rake And says, 'Oh Greece, for liberty's

Prices and texts at once a3sail you«. sake, Do buy my scrip, and I vow to break

From Daniel these and those from

Jacob. Those dark, unholy bonds of thine If you'll only consent to buy up mine !' And when you sleep, with head still

torn The ghost of Miltiades came once Between the two, their shapes you more ;

mix, His brow, like the night, was lowering Till sometimes Catholics seem Corn, o'er;

Then Corn again seem Catholics. And he said, with a look that flashed dismay,

Now Dan wheat before you floatsOf liberty's foes the worst are they Now, Jesuits from California Who turn to a trade her cause divine, Now Ceres, linked with Titus Oats, And gamble for gold on Freedom's Comes dancing through the ‘Porta shrine !'



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Oft, too, the Corn grows animate, So, on they went, a prosperous crew,

And a whole crop of heads appears, The people wise, the rulers clever, Like Papists, bearding Church and And God help those, like me and State

you, Themselves together by the ears ! Who dared to doubt (as some now

do) While, leaders of the wheat, a row That the Periwinkle Revenue

Of Poppies, gaudily declaiming, Would thus go flourishing on for Like Counsellor O'Bric and Co.,

ever. Stand forth, somniferously flaming!

“Hurra! hurra !' I heard them say, In short, their torments never cease;

And oft I wish myself transferred off And they cheered and shouted all the To some far, lonely land of peace,

way, Where Corn or Papists ne'er were

As the Great Panurge in glory went heard of.

To open his own dear Parliament. Oh waft me, Parry, to the Pole; But folks at length began to doubt

For-if my fate is to be chosen What all this conjuring was about ; "Twixt bores and icebergs-on my soul, For, every day, more deep in debt I'd rather, of the two, be frozen! They saw their wealthy rulers get :

* Let's look (said they) the items


And see if what we're told be true THE PERIWINKLES AND THE

Of our Periwinkle Revenue.'

But, lord, they found there wasn't à


Of truth in aught they heard before; *To Panurge was assigned the Lairdship of For they gained by Periwinkles little, Salmagundi, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789

And lost by Locusts ten times more ! ryals, besides the revenue of the Locusts and Pe. riwinkles, amounting one year with another to These Locusts are a lordly breed the value of 2,425,768,' etc, etc.-Rabelais. Some Salmagundians love to feed. * HURRA! Hurra!' I heard them say,

Of all the beasts that ever were born, And they cheered and shouted all the Your Locust most delights in corn;

And though his body be but small, way, As the Laird of Salmagundi went

To fatten him takes the devil and all ! To open in state his Parliament.

Nor this the worst, for, direr still, The Salmagundians once were rich, Alack, alack, and well-a-day! Or thought they were – no

matter Their Periwinkles-once the stay which

And prop of the Salmagundian tillFor, every year, the Revenuel For want of feeding, all fell ill ! From their periwinkles larger grew; And still, as they thinned and died And their rulers, skilled in all the trick,

away, And legerdemain of arithmetic, The Locusts, ay, and the Locusts' Bill, Knew how to place 1, 2, 3, 4,

Grew fatter and fatter every day! 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 and 10, Such various ways, behind, before, Oh fie! oh fie !' was now the cry, That they made a unit seem a score, As they saw the gaudy show go by, And proved themselves most wealthy And the Laird of Salmagundi went men !

Το open his Locust Parliament !

1 Accented as in Swift's line

Not so a nation's revenues are paid.'

or any

he ran,


The press, the impartial press, that snubs

Alike a fiend's or an angel's capersA CERTAIN old Sprite, who dwells Miss Paton's soon as Beelzebub's— below

Fired off a squib in the morning ('Twere a libel, perhaps, to mention

papers : where), Came up incog., some winters ago,

We warn good men to keep aloof To try, for a change, the London air. From a grim old Dandy, seen about

With a fire-proof wig and a cloven hoof, So well he looked, and dressed, and Through a neat-cut Hoby smoking talked,

out.' And hid his tail and his horns so Now, the Devil being a gentleman,

handy, You'd hardly have known him, as he

Who piques himself on his well-bred

dealings, walked, From

You may guess, when o'er these lines other Dandy.

How much they hurt and shocked (N.B.-His horns, they say, unscrew; his feelings So he has but to take them out of the socket,

Away he posts to a man of law, And-just as some fine husbands do- And oh, 'twould make you laugh Conveniently clap them into his to 've seen 'em, pocket.)

As paw shook hand, and hand shook

paw, In short, he looked extremely natty, And 'twas ‘Hail, good fellow, well And even contrived — to his owu met,' between 'em. great wonder

Straight an indictment was preferredBy dint of sundry scents from Gattie, To keep the sulphurous hogo under. When, looking among the judges, he

And much the Devil enjoyed the jest,

heard And so my gentleman hoofed about,

That, of all the batch, his own was Unknown to all but a chosen few

Best. At White's and Crockford's, where, no doubt,

In vain Defendant proffered proof He had many post-obits falling due.

That Plaintiff's self was the Father

of EvilAlike a gamester and a wit,

Brought Hoby forth to swear to the At night he was seen with Crock- hoof, ford's crew;

And Stultz to speak to the tail of the At morn with learned dames would Devil.

sitSo passed his time 'twixt black and

The Jury-saints, all snug aad rich,

And readers of virtuous Sunday blue.

papersSome wished to make him an M.P.;

Found for the Plaintiff ; on hearing

which But, finding W-lks was also one, he Was heard to say 'he'd be d-dif he

The Devil gave one of his loftiest Would ever sit in one house with

capers Johnny.'

For oh, it was nuts to the father of lies

(As this wily fiend is named in the At length, as secrets travel fast,

Bible), And devils, whether he or she, To find it settled by laws so wise, Are sure to be found out at last, That the greater the truth, the worse The affair got wind most rapidly.

the libel !


WANTED—Authors of all-work, to job for the season,

No matter which party, so faithful to neither :-
Good hacks, who, if posed for a rhyme or a reason,

Can manage, like to do without either.
If in gaol, all the better for out-o'-door topics ;

Your gaol is for travellers a charming retreat;
They can take a day's rule for a trip to the Tropics,

And sail round the world, at their ease, in the Fleet.
For Dramatists, too, the most useful of schools,

They may study high life in the King's Bench community :
Aristotle could scarce keep them more within rules,

And of place they're at least taught to stick to the unity.
Any lady or gentleman come to an age

To have good ‘Reminiscences' (threescore, or higher),
Will meet with encouragement-so much per page,

And the spelling and grammar both found by the buyer.
No matter with what their remembrance is stocked,

So they'll only remember the quantum desired ;
Enough to fill handsomely Two Volumes, oct.,

Price twenty-four shillings, is all that's required.
They may treat us, like Kelly, with old jeux-d'esprits,

Like Reynolds, may boast of each mountebank frolic,
Or kindly inform us, like Madame Genlis,

That gingerbread cakes always give them the colic.
There's nothing at present so popular growing

As your Autobiographers-fortunate elves,
Who manage to know all the best people going,

Without having ever been heard of themselves !
Wanted, also, a new stock of Pamphlets on Corn,

By Farmers' and 'Landholders'—(gemmen, whose lands
Enclosed all in bow-pots, their attics adorn,

Or whose share of the soil may be seen on their hands),
No Popery Sermons, in ever so dull a vein,

Sure of a market;-should they, too, who pen 'em,
Be renegade Papists, like Murtagh O'S-1l-v-n,?

Something extra allowed for the additional venom.
Funds, Physic, Corn, Poetry, Boxing, Romance,

All excellent subjects for turniug a penny;-
To write upon all is an author's sole chance

For attaining, at last, the least knowledge of any. 1 This lady, in her Memoirs, also favours us with her; always desiring that the pills should with the address of those apothecaries who have be orderedcomme pour elle.

2 A gentleman who distinguished himself by from time to time given her pills that agreed his evidence before the Irish Committees.


Nine times out of ten, if his title be good,

His matter within of small consequence is ;-
Let him only write fine, and, if not understood,

Why,—that's the concern of the reader, not his
N.B.-A learned Essay, now printing, to show

That Horace (as clearly as words could express it)
Was for taxing the Fundholders, ages ago,

When he wrote thus—Quodcunque in Fund is, assess it."




With a laughtereven more fierce and wild

Than their funeral howling, answered I HEARD, as I lay, a wailing sound,

• No.' · He is dead - he is dead, the rumour flew;

But the cry still pierced my prison gate, And I raised my chain, and turned me

And again I asked, "What scourge is round, And asked, through the dungeon. Is it he-that Chief, so coldly great, window, “Who ?"

Whom Fame unwillingly shines

upon I saw my livid tormentors pass, • Whose name is one of the ill-omened Their grief 'twas bliss to hear and see !

words For never came joy to them, alas,

They link with hate on his native That didn't bring deadly bane to me.

plains ; Eager I looked through the mist of And why?—they lent him hearts and night,

swords, And asked, What foe of my race

And he gave, in return, scoffs and hath died ?

chains ! Is it he-that Doubter of law and right, ' Is it he? is it he? I loud inquired, Whom nothing but wrong could e'er When, hark--there sounded a royal decide

And I knew what spirit had just expired, "Who, long as he sees but wealth to win,

And, slave as I was, my triumph fell. Hath never yet felt a qualm of doubt What suitors for justice he'd keep in, He had pledged a hate unto me and Or what suitors for freedom he'd shut mine, out

He had left to the future nor hope

nor choice, · Who, a clog for ever on Truth's ad- But sealed that hate with a name di

vine, Stitles her (like the Old Man of the

And he now was dead, and I couldn't Sea

rejoice! Round Sinbad's neck?), nor leaves a chance

Hehad fanned afresh the burning brands Of shaking him off—is't he? is't he?' Of a bigotry waxing cold and dim;

He had armed anew my torturers' Ghastly my grim tormentors smiled, hands, And thrusting me back to my den of And them did I curse—but sighed for woe,

him. 1 According to the common reading, 'Quod- Old Man of the Sea, and are the first who ever cunque infundis, acescit.'

escaped strangling by his malicious tricks.'2 'You fell,' said they,' into the hands of the Story of Sinbad.


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