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Call in the Jews, Solomon the court porkraan, Moses the sow-gelder, and Zephanlah the hogbutcher.
They are in waiting, sire.
Enter Solomon, Mosks, and Zkfhaniah.
Out with your knife, old Moses, and spay those sows,
Let your Majesty
Keep the boars quiet, else—
Zephaniah, cut That fat hog's throat, the brute seems overfed; Seditious hunks! to whine for want of grains.
Your sacred Majesty, he has the dropsy ;—
'Tis all tho same,
Why, your Majesty, I could not give
Kill them out of the way, That shall bo price enough, and let me hear Their everlasting grunts and whines no more!
[Exeunt, driving in the Swine.
Enter Mammon, the Arch Priett; and Pumanax, Chic/of the Council of Wizards.
The future looks as black as death, a cloud,
Why what's the matter, my dear fellow, now i
Oh, would that this were all! The oracle!
Why it was I who spoke that oracle,
The words went thus :— "Boeotia, choose reform or civil war! When through the streets, instead of hare with
dogs, A Consort Queen shall hunt a King with hogs, Hiding on the Ionian Minotaur."
Now if the oracle had ne'er foretold
You arch-priests Believe in nothing; if you were to dream Of a particular number in the lottery, You would not buy the ticket!
Yet our tickets Are seldom blanks. But what steps have you taken! For prophecies, when once they get abroad, Like liars who tell the truth to serve their ends, Or hypocrites, who, from assuming virtue, Do the same actions that the virtuous do, Contrive their own fulfilment This Iona— Well—you know what the chaste Fasiphae did, Wife to that most religious King of Crete, And still how popular the tale is here; And these dull swine of Thebes boast their descent From the free Minotaur. You know they still Call themselves bulls, though thus degenerate; And everything relating to a bull Is popular and respectable in Thebes: Their arms are seven bulls in a field gules. They think their strength consists in eating beef,— Now there were danger in the precedent If Queen Iona
I have taken good care That shall not be. I struck the crust o' the earth With this enchanted rod, and Hell lay bare! And from a cavern full of ugly shapes, I chose a Leech, a Gadfly, and a Rat. The gadfly was the same which Juno sent To agitate Io,* and which Ezechiclf mentions That the Lord whistled for out of the mountains Of utmost Ethiopia, to torment Mesopotamian Babylon. The beast
* Tho Prometheus Bound of iEscbylus. t And the Lord whistled for the gadfly out of Ethiopia, and for the bee out of Egypt, Sic.—Gsbciuiu..
Has a loud trumpet like the Scarabee;
His crooked tail is barbed with many stings,
Each able to make a thousand wounds, and each
Immedicable ; from his convex eyes
He sees fair things in many hideous shapes,
And trumpets all his falsehood to the world.
Like other beetles he is fed on dung—
He has eleven feet with which he crawls,
Trailing a blistering slime ; and this foul beast
Has tracked Iona from the Theban limits,
From isle to isle, from city unto city,
Urging her flight from the far Chersonese
To fabulous Solyma, and the .cEtnean Isle,
Ortygia, Melite, and Calypso's Rock,
And the swart tribes Of Garamant and Fez,
iEolia and Elysium, and thy shores,
Parthenope, which now, alas! are free!
And through the fortunate Saturnian land,
Into the darkness of the West.
But if This Gadfly should drive Iona hither!
Gods! what an if! but there is my grey Rat;
My dear friend, where are your wits! as if She does not always toast a piece of cheese, And bait the trap 1 and rats, when lean enough To crawl through such chinks
But my Leech—a leech Fit to suck blood, with lubricous round rings, Capaciously expatiative, which make His little body like a red balloon, As full of blood as that of hydrogen, Sucked from men's hearts; insatiably he sucks And clingsand pulls—a horse-leech, whose deep maw The plethoric King Swcllfoot could not fill, And who, till full, will cling for ever.
For Queen Iona might suffice, and less; But 'tis the swinish multitude I fear, And in that fear I have
• " If one should marry agatlows, and begot young gibbots, I nover saw one so prone."—Cymbelink.
A good match!
Mammon. A high connexion, Purganax. The bridegroom Ib of a very ancient family
Of Hounslow Heath, Tyburn, and the New Drop,
IA mott tremendous humming it I
Ha! what do I hear!
Your Gadfly, as it seems, is tired of gadding.
Hum ! hum 1 hum! From the lakes of the Alps, and the cold grey scalps
Of the mountains, I come!
Hum! hum! hum!
Of golden Byzantium;
From Athens and Rome,
With a ha! and a hum!
I come! I come!
All inn-doors and windows
Were open to me! I saw all that sin does, Which lamps hardly see That burn in the night by the curtained bed,— The impudent lamps ! for they blushed not red. Dinging and singing, From slumber I rung her, Loud as the clank of an ironmonger! Hum 1 hum! hum!
Far, far, far, With thetrump of my lips, and the sting at my hips, I drove her—afar! Far, far, far, From city to city, abandoned of pity, A ship without needle or star;— Homeless she past, like a cloud on the blast, Seeking peace, finding war ;— She is here in her car, From afar, and afar ;— Hum ! hum!
I have stung her and wrung her!
The venom is working ;—
She could not be deader than she will be soon;
I have driven her close to you, under the moon.
Night and day, hum! hum! ha! I have hummed her and drummed her From place to place, till at last I have dumbed ber. Hum! hum! hum!
I will suck
Blood or muck!
I'll slily seize and Let blood from her weasand,— Creeping through crevice, and chink, and cranny, With my snaky tail, and my sides so scranny.
Aroint ye ! thou unprofitable worm!
[To the Leech. And thou, dull beetle, get thee back to hell!
[To the Gadfly.
Pcrganax (fiercely). Be silent! get to hell! or I will call The cat out of the kitchen. Well, Lord Mammon, This is a pretty business!
[Exit the Rat.
I will go
She is returned! Taurina is in Thebes
Her memory has received a husband's
[A loud tumult, and cries of " Iona for ever !—No
Some tawdry lace, and bits of lustre glass,
This plan might be tried too ;—where's General Laoctonos 1
Enter Laoctonos and Dakrv.
That you, Lord General, bring the head and body,
That pleasure I well knew, And made a charge with those battalions bold, Called, from their dress and grin, the royal apes, Upon the swine, who in a hollow square Enclosed her, and received the first attack Like so many rhinoceroses, and then Retreating in good order, with bare tusks And wrinkled snouts presented to the foe, Bore her in triumph to the public sty. What is still worse, some sows upon the ground Have given the ape-guards apples, nuts, and gin, And they all whisk their tails aloft, and cry, "Long live Iona! down with Swellfoot!"
Went to the garret of the swineherd's tower,
Which overlooks the sty, and made a long
Harangue (all words) to the assembled swine,
Of delicacy, mercy, judgment, law,
Morals, and precedents, and purity,
Adultery, destitution, and divorce,
Piety, faith, and state necessity,
And how I loved the queen !—and then I wept,
With the pathos of my own eloquence,
And every tear turned to a mill-stone, which
Brained many a gaping pig, and there was made
A slough of blood and brains upon the place,
Greased with the pounded bacon; round and round
The millstones rolled, ploughing the pavement up,
And hurling sucking pigs into the air,
With dust and stones
Mammon. I wonder that grey wizards Like you should be so beardless in their schemes; It had been but a point of policy To keep'Iona and the swine apart. Divide and rule! but ye have made a junction Between two parties who will govern you, But for my art.—Behold this Bag! it is The poison Dag of that Green Spider huge, On which our spies skulked in ovation through The streets of Thebes, when they were paved with dead:
A bane so much the deadlier fills it now,
Aa calumny is worse than death,—for here
The Gadfly's venom, fifty times distilled,
Is mingled with the vomit of the Leech,
In due proportion, and black ratsbane, which
That very Rat, who, like the Pontic tyrant,
Nurtures himself on poison, dare not touch ; —
All is sealed up with the broad seal of Fraud,
Who is the Devil's Lord High Chancellor,
And over it the primate of all Hell
Murmured this pious baptism:—" Be thou called
The Green Bao; and this power and grace be thine:
That thy contents, on whomsoever poured,
Turn innocence to guilt, and gentlest looks
To savage, foul, and fierce deformity.
Let all, baptised by thy infernal dew,
Be called adulterer, drunkard, liar, wretch!
No name left out which orthodoxy loves,
Court Journal or legitimate Review !—
Be they called tyrant, beast, fool, glutton, lover
Of other wives and husbands than their own—
The heaviest sin on this side of the Alps!
Wither they to a ghastly caricature
Of what was human!—let not man nor beast
Behold their face with unaverted eyes!
Or hear their names with ears that tingle not
With blood of indignation, rage, and shame!"
This is a perilous liquor ;—good my Lords.
[swbllfoot approachct to touch the Grekn Bao.
Beware 1 for God's sake, beware !—if you should The seal, and touch the fatal liquor [break
Now, with a little common sense, my Lords,
Only undoing all that has been done,
(Yet so as it may seem we but confirm it,)
Our victory is assured. We must entice
Her Majesty from the sty, and make the pigs
Believe that the contents of the Green Bag
Are the true test of guilt or innocence.
And that, if she be guilty, 'twill transform her
To manifest deformity like guilt.
If innocent, she will become transfigured
Into an angel, such as they say she is;
And they will see her flying through the air,
So bright that she will dim the noon-day sun;
Showering down blessings in the shape of comfits.
This, trust a priest, is just the sort of thing
Swine will believe. I'll wager you will see them
Climbing upon the thatch of their low sties;
With pieces of smoked glass, to watch her sail
Among the clouds, and some will hold the flaps
Of one another's ears between their teeth,
To catch the coming hail of comfits in.
You, Purganax, who have the gift o' the gab,
Make them a solemn speech to this effect:
I go to put in readiness the feast
Kept to the honour of our goddess Famine,
Where, for more glory, let the ceremony
Take place of the uglmcation of the Queen.
DAKBY (to SWLLLF(XH).
I, as the keeper of your sacred conscience,
All part, in happier plight to meet again.
The Public Sty.
The Boars in full Auembly.
Grant me your patience, Gentlemen and Boars,
And such home manufactures, is but-partial;
A loud cry from the Pigs.
She is innocent 1 most innocent!
That is the very thing that I was saying,
Why, no one Makes any positive accusation;—but There were hints dropped, and so the privy wizards Conceived that it became them to advise
His Majesty to investigate their truth;
Not for his own sake; he could be content
To let his wife play any pranks she pleased,
If, by that sufferance, he could please the pigs;
But then he fears the morals of the swine,
The sows especially, and what effect
It might produce upon the purity and
Religion of the rising generation
Of sucking-pigs, if it could be suspected
That Queen Iona— [A paute
Well, go on; we long To hear what she can possibly have done.
Why, it is hinted, that a certain bull—
Thus much is known :—the milk-white bulls that
feed Beside Clitumnus and the crystal lakes Uf the Cisalpine mountains, in fresh dews Of lotus-grass and blossoming asphodel, Sleeking their silken hair, and with sweet breath Loading the morning winds until they faint
With living fragrance, are so beautiful!
Well, / say nothing ;—but Europa rode
lona's grandmother, but the is innocent!
And that both you and I, and all assert.
Oh! no Green Baos!! Jealousy's eyes are green, Scorpions are green, and water-snakes, and efts, And verdigris, and—
Honourable swine, In piggish souls can prepossessions reign! Allow me to remind you, grass is greeu— All flesh is grass;—no bacon but is flesh— Ve arc but bacon. This divining Bag (Which is not green, but only bacon colour) Is filled with liquor, which if sprinkled o'er A woman guilty of—we all know what— Makes her so hideous, till she finds one blind, She never can commit the like again. If innocent, she will turn into an angel, And rain down blessings in the shape of comfits As she flies up to heaviu. Now, my proposal Is to convert her sacred Majesty
Into an angel, fas I am sure we shall do,)
[Showing the Bag.
Excellent, just, and noble Purganax!
How glorious it will be to see her Majesty
Oh, no 1 But like a standard of an admiral's ship, Or like the banner of a conquering host, Or like a cloud dyed in the dying day, Unravelled on the blast from a white mountain; Or like a meteor, or a war-steed's mane, Or water-fall from a dizzy precipice Scattered upon the wind.
Or a cow's tail,—
Or any thing, as the learned Boar observed.
[A great confusion is heard of the Pigs out of Doors,
No ! Yes!
A law I
Porkers, we shall lose our wash,
Order! order ! be not rash!
AN OLD SOW (rushing in).
Second Boar (solemnly).