and drive the bloody business out of my head. The effect of the combination out-Fuselied all that Fuseli ever conceived after a supper of the rawest of pork-though I supped on sugar and water. Maltese murderers with raised knives ready to strike; blood running slowly and lava-like down walls. Tigers attracted by the smell of the blood, and attacking editors and justices shut up in rush cages-in one everlasting smash, notwithstanding a gasping attempt to read the Riot Act! Ah, it is all very well to laugh now, but it was awful!"

Is an Illwiller to the Human Race. He is by Profession an Enemy to his Species, and can no more look kindly at his

Fellows than the Sheriff's Officer; for why, his Profit begins with an Arrest for the Debt of Nature. As the Bailiff looks on a failing Man so doth he, and with the same Hope, namely, tc take the Body.

Hence hath he little Sympathy with his Kind, small Pity fo. the Poor, and least of all for the Widow and the Orphan, whom he regards, Planter like, but as so many Blacks on his Estate If he have any Community of Feeling, it is with the Sexton

who has likewise a Per Centage on the Bills of Mortality, and never sees a Picture of Health but he longs to ingrave it. Both have the same quick Ear for a Churchyard Cough, and both the

same Relish for the same Music, to wit, the Toll of Saint Sepulchre. Moreover both go constantly in black-howbeit 'tis no Mourning Suit but a Livery-for he grieves no more for the Defunct than the Bird of the same Plumage, that is the Undertaker to a dead Horse.

Like the

As a Neighbour he is to be shunned. To live opposite to him is to fall under the Evil Eye. Witch that forespeaks other Cattle, he would rot you as soon as look at you, if it could be done at a Glance; but that Magic being out of Date, he contents himself with choosing the very Spot on the House Front that shall serve for a Hatchment. Thenceforward he watches your going out and your coming in: your rising up and your lying down, and all your Domestic Imports of Drink and Victual, so that the veriest She Gossip in the Parish is not more

familiar with your Modes and Means of Living, nor knows so certainly whether the Visitor, that calls daily in his Chariot, is

a mere Friend or a Physician. Also he knows your Age to a Year, and your Height to an Inch, for he hath measured you with his Eye for a Coffin, and your Ponderosity to a Pound, for he hath an Interest in the Dead Weight, and hath so far inquired into your Fortune as to guess with what Equipage you shall travel on your last Journey. For, in professional Curiosity, he is truly a Pall Pry. Wherefore to dwell near him is as melancholy as to live in view of a Churchyard; to be within Sound of his Hammering is to hear the Knocking at Death's Door.

To be friends with an Undertaker is as impossible as to be the Crony of a Crocodile. He is by Trade a Hypocrite, and deals of Necessity in Mental Reservations and Equivoques. Thus he drinks to your good Health, but hopes, secretly, it will not endure. He is glad to find you so hearty-as to be Apoplectic; and rejoices to see you so stout-with a short Neck. He bids you beware of your old Gout-and recommends a Quack Doctor. He laments the malignant Fever so prevalent-and wishes you may get it. He compliments your Complexionwhen it is Blue or Yellow; admires your upright Carriage,and hopes it will break down. Wishes you good Day, but means everlasting Night; and commends his Respects to your Father and Mother-but hopes you do not honour them. In short, his good Wishes are treacherous; his Inquiries are suspicious; and his Civilities are dangerous; as when he proffereth the Use of his Coach-or to see you Home.

For the rest, he is still at odds with Humanity; at constant Issue with its Naturalists, and its Philanthropists, its Sages, its Counsellors, and its Legislators. For example, he praises the Weather-with the Wind at East; and rejoices in a wet Spring and Fall, for Death and he reap with one Sickle, and have a good or bad Harvest in common. He objects not to bones in Bread (being as it were his own diet), nor to ill Drugs in Beer,

nor to Sugar of Lead or arsenical Finings in Wine, nor to ardent Spirits, nor to Interment in Churches. Neither doth he discountenance the Sitting on Infants; nor the swallowing of Plum Stones; nor of cold Ices at Hot balls-nor the drinking of Embrocations, nay he hath been known to contend that the wrong Dose was the right one. He approves, contra the Physicians, of a damp Bed and wet Feet,-of a hot Head and cold Extremities, and lends his own Countenance to the Natural Small Pox, rather than encourage Vaccinationwhich he calls flying in the Face of Providence. Add to these, a free Trade in Poisons, whereby the Oxalic

Crystals may currently

become Proxy for the

SHEER PRETENSION.

Epsom ones; and the

corrosive Sublimate as common as Salt in Porridge. To the same End he would give unto every Cockney a Privilege to shoot, within ten miles round London, without a Taxed License, and would never concur in a Fine or Deodand for Fast Driving, except the Vehicle were a Hearse. Thus, whatever the popular Cry, he runs counter: a Heretic in Opinion, and a Hypocrite in Practice, as when he pretends to be sorrowful at a Funeral; or, what is worse, affects to pity the ill-paid Poor, and yet helpeth to screw them down.

To conclude, he is a Personage of ill presage to the House of Life: : a Raven on the Chimney Pot-a Deathwatch in the Wainscot,-a Winding Sheet in the Candle. To meet with him is ominous. His Looks are sinister; his Dress is lugubrious;