informing him that he was arrived in the river with 169 out of 173 monkeys consigned to him, four having died upon the passage; and begging him to have them landed as soon as possible, for they began to be very mischeevous.'

"They were landed as soon as possible, were disposed of with equal speed, and, in consequence, an unprecedented fall took place in the monkey-market. Exports were now made to the remotest parts of England, and, among these, was a female, despatched to Portsmouth, who was bought a bargain by the possessor of the maritime monkey, and given by him in marriage to his favourite.

"For some time the happiness of the wedded pair appeared to be complete; and the frigate sailed upon a summer cruize during their honey-moon. The husband, however, soon grew indifferent; and indifference was soon succeeded by disgust. This was manifested by angry looks, chatter, and even blows, upon the female persevering in her attentions.

"All were much disappointed and scandalized at the evil success of so promising a union.

"At length, however, an apparent change took place in the husband's conduct, and was hailed with correspondent joy by the ship's company. Their pleasure was, however, of short duration, for the traitor, having one fine day decoyed his wife out to the end of the fore-top-gallant yard, as if to show her something at sea, and sat down with her on the spar, slipt his paw under her sitting part and tumbled her overboard.

"I never shall forget the momentary horror with which this was witnessed by all, with the exception of a French captain then a prisoner on board, who, turning to the second lieutenant, exclaimed, Parbleu, Monsieur, ce drolelà a beaucoup de caractère.'

But we must get back to the second Sailor Monkey, who, says the writer of these Anecdotes, "went to sea, accompanied by a bear, with a relation of mine, who was captain of a small sloop of war, and who professed to take them with a view to keeping his men in good humour. I believe it was to minister to his own amusement. Probably both objects were attained.

"The monkey principally extracted his fun from the bear. This beast, who was of a saturnine complexion, indulged himself much in sleeping on the sunny side of the deck. On these occasions the monkey would overhaul his paws and twitch out any hair which may be found matted by tar or pitch, the suffering which to remain seemed to be a great scandal in his opinion.

"At other times he would open Bruin's eye-lids and peep into his eyes, as if to ascertain what he was dreaming about. The bear, irritated at such liberties being taken with his person, used to make clumsy attempts to revenge himself, but his persecutor was off in an instant. The rigging was, on these occasions, his place of refuge. Thither he was indeed followed by his enemy; but poor

Bruin was but an indifferent top-man and seldom got beyond lub's hole.

"The monkey, on the contrary, was famous for his activity, and for some time was entitled by the sailors, Deputy-captain of the fore-top.' He obtained this designation from a very singular practice. Having observed the excitement produced on deck by the announcement of a sail a-head, which, as well as the chase which followed, seemed to be highly agreeable to him, the fore-top became his favourite station; from whence he made his signals with great energy,,chattering with a peculiar scream when any vessel was in sight, and indicating by signs in what direction it appeared.

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"Pug continued to volunteer his services for some time in this manner, and constantly found his reward. But, at length, upon the sloop's getting on bad cruizing ground, he found his employment dull, and, by way of enlivening it, amused himself with giving false alarms.

"He was started for this by the boatswain's mate, and lost his rank as Deputy-captain of the fore-top. In lieu of which, moreover, he was new-named Monk the Marine; a denomination which he certainly knew to be opprobrious, as he resented it with grimaces, chatter, and, wherever he dared, with blows.

Though he was fond of the excitement of a chase, he was not supposed to have good nerves, and those who had seen him in action (he was, after the first experiment, always sent below) made but an ill report of his steadiness under fire.

"This poor monkey came to a melancholy end. He had observed a sick lieutenant, who breakfasted after the rest of his mess, making his tea, and being accidentally left alone in the gun-room, determined to imitate him. He however succeeded ill in his mixture: for he infused a paper of tobacco which was lying on the table, into the pot, instead of tea, and afterwards swallowed it with its accompaniments of milk and sugar. This ill-imagined beverage produced the most fearful commotion in his inside, attended with long and loathsome vomitings; of which he finally died.

"The doctor, who was a materialist and an atheist,' and a most quarrelsome fellow, (he had killed two brother officers in duels, one for only calling him Dr. Gallipot,) attended him with more care than we had expected; but the poor beast (as the purser said) was outward-bound, and could not be recalled.

"The surgeon pronounced that Pug died of the iliac passion, and announced this as a reason for believing that man was but a better breed of monkey."

We have been so much amused with these animal traits, that we must beg leave to show up a few more monkeys, and monkey tricks in our next Gazette.--Lond. Lit. Gaz.

SELECTED FOR THE MUSEUM.

Sayings and Doings. Second Series. 3 vols. royal 12mo. London, 1825. H. Colburn.

THE author of these Tales has made himself known far and wide, as the delineator of modern life and manners. He catches follies as they fly, and while he enlivens his pages with pictures of oddity and of humour, we fear that they are more near to truth than the air of caricature about them induces us at first glance to suspect. But however this may be, and perhaps the graver treatment of other public concerns in our Gazette will better explain our opinions on the aspect of the times, these volumes are so fresh in our hands that we can do no more on this occasion than introduce them, sans phrase, in their own substance to our expectant friends.

The first Tale is entitled 'The Southerlands,' and in the adventures of two brothers of quite opposite characters, exemplifies in a very entertaining manner the proverbs "Look before you leap," and "Marry in haste, Repent at leisure."

The second story is longer, and though probably heightened in some of its incidents and plot, evidently has its characters drawn from real life. They consist principally of a young man of fortune surrounded by fortune-hunters of various descriptions, plundering dependants, and toadeaters of neither mark nor likelihood. An eccentric uncle, a beautiful cousin, and the family of the family solicitor, or man of business, nearly complete the dramatis personæ. The adage illustrated is, that "Practice is better than precept:" which, as we cannot also display by going through the tale of "The Man of many Friends," we must content ourselves with an extract to exhibit the talent of the author.

Colonel Arden and Miss Neville come to London with a hope to save his nephew from impending ruin, and arrive at the house of his attorney, Mr. Abberly.

"The Abberlys were at dinner when their guests arrived, the guests themselves having dined early to please the old gentleman at some distance from the metropolis. The meal was speedily finished, and the dessert put down, and Arden, who, as the reader may imagine, was most anxious to hear tidings of his misguided nephew, commenced a series of inquiries upon the interesting subject, when Mrs. Abberly interrupted the conversation by asking her husband 'just to ring the bell.'

"This request having been complied with, a servant appeared, to whom his mistress whispered, "Tell Dawes to bring the children:' the man disappeared, and the lady, turning to Louisa, with one. of those sweet smiles which ladies about to praise themselves are in the habit of putting on, said, 'We are very old fashioned folks, Miss Neville. Mr. A. and myself make it a rule to have all the children round us every day after dinner-some people don't

like it, but I hope and trust we shall never be so fashionable as that

⚫ comes to.

"Miss Neville was about to rejoin something very laudatory, touching infantine attraction and maternal affection, when a considerable uproar and squalling was heard in the hall, and the parlour door flying open, Dawes made her appearance, attended by seven fine healthy creatures, varying in their height from four feet two Chairs to two feet four, and in their ages from ten to three years. were ranged around the table for the young fry, who were extremely orderly and well-behaved for a short time, and in the first instance taken to the Colonel to be praised: the old gentleman, who was not particularly fond of nestlings at any time, but whose whole heart and soul were at the present moment occupied in the affairs of his prodigal nephew, kissed one and patted the other, and 'blessed the little heart' of this one, and 'pretty deared' that one, until the ceremony of inspection and approbation having been fully gone through, the whole party was turned over to Louisa, to undergo a second similar operation; after this, they were placed upon the chairs assigned to them, Dawes retired, and the conversation was resumed."

"And pray now,' said the Colonel, 'what is your real opinion, Mr. Abberly, of the state of poor George's pecuniary affairs?' "Sir,' said Abberly, I really think, if you wish me to speak candidly-Maria, my dear, look at Georgiana,—she is spilling all the sugar over the table.'

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Georgiana,' said Mrs. Abberly, emphatically, keep still, child; Sophy, help your sister to some sugar.'

"I really believe,' continued Mr. Abberly, that Mr. George Arden-Sophy, put down that knife-Maria, that child will cut her fingers off, how can you let her do so-I wonder at you-upon my word, Sophy, I am quite ashamed of you.'

"Sophy, you naughty girl,' cried her Mamma, 'put down that knife, directly, or I'll send you up-stairs.'

"I was only cutting the cake, Ma,' said Sophy.

"Don't do it again, then, and sit still,' exclaimed the mother, and turning to Louisa, added in an under-tone, 'pretty dears, it is so difficult to keep them quiet at that age.'

"Well Sir,' again said the Colonel, but let me beg you to tell me seriously what you advise then to be done in the first instance.'

"Why, there is but one course,' answered the lawyer, who was a man of first-rate talent; 'you know, Sir, there are different modes of treating different cases, but in this instance the course, I think, is clear and evident-Tom, you naughty child, you'll be down; get off the back of Colonel Arden's chair directly."

"What a funny pig-tail,' exclaimed somebody, in reference to a minute article of that sort worn by the Colonel. Sophy laughed and slapped her brother's shoulder.

"Hush, William,' exclaimed Mrs. Abberly, holding up her hand in a menacing posture.

"And that course,' continued the master of the house, if there be a chance yet left of preserving the young man, it will be absolutely necessary to pursue.'

"Tell me, then, for God's sake,' said the Colonel, deeply interested, and highly agitated, what you propose should be our first measure.'

"George, my love,' exclaimed Mrs. Abberly to her husband, will you be good enough to speak to Robert, he won't leave Sophy alone, and he don't mind me the least in the world.'

"Robert, be quiet,' thundered out his father in an awful tone. "She won't give me any cherries, Pa,' said Robert.

"That's a story, now, Robert,' cried the eldest girl, who was nearly ten years old, and was screwed in, and poked out, to look like a woman; with curls, and a necklace, and a dress exactly like her mother's, who was forty.

"I'm sure you have had more than Sophy-only you are such a rude boy.'

"Bless my heart!' said the Colonel, half aside, and warming a little with the events, 'I beg your pardon, what did you say you would advise, Mr. Abberly?'

"Decidedly this,' said Abberly, 'I'

"My love,' interrupted Mrs. Abberly onee more, is that Port or claret near you? Dr. Mango says Maria is to have half a glass of port wine every day after dinner, this hot weather,-half a glass-thank you-there-not more-that will do, dear;'here Mr. Abberly had concluded the operation of pouring out. < Tom,' said Mamma, 'go and fetch the wine for your sister, there's a dear love.'

"Tom did as he was bid, tripped his toe over the corner of the rug in passing round the table, and deposited the major part of the port wine in the lap of Miss Louisa Neville, who was habited in an apple-green silk pelisse, (which she had not taken off since her arrival,) that was by no means improved in its appearance by the accidental reception of the contents of Miss Maria's glass.

"Good God! Tom,' exclaimed Mrs. Abberly,' what an awkward child you are!-dear Miss Neville, what shall we do?-ring the bell, Sophy, send for Simmons, or send for Miss Neville's maidMiss Neville, pray take off your pelisse.'

"Oh, I assure you it is not of the slightest consequence,' said Louisa, with one of her sweetest smiles, at the same moment wishing Tom had been at the bottom of the Red Sea, before he had given her the benefit of his gaucherie; a stain upon a silk dress being, as every body knows, at all times and seasons a feminine aggravation of the first class.

Tom, anticipating a beating from some quarter, but which he did not stop to calculate, set up a most mellifluous howling; this awakened from its peaceful slumbers a fat poodle, who had been VOL. VI. No. 35.-Museum.

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