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Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an | know Anne's mind as well as another does:-Out honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not: for I upon't! what have I forgot?


SCENE I.—Before Page's House.

Enter Mistress PAGE, with a letter.


he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters disposition would have gone to the truth of his in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now words: but they do no more adhere and keep place a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads. together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this love use reason for his precisian, he admits him whale, with so many tons of oil in his belly, not for his counsellor. You are not young, no ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on more am I go to then, there's sympathy; you are him? I think, the best way were to entertain him merry, so am 1: Ha! ha! then there's more sym-him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted pathy; you love sack, and so do I: Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight,
By day or night,
Or any kind of light,
With all his might,
For thee to fight,


What a Herod of Jewry is this!-O wicked, wick ed world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him?-I was then frugal of my mirth:--heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

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Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman?

Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honor!

Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman:-take the honor: What is it?-dispense with trifles;—what is it!

Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted.

Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest! - Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight:-here, read, read;-perceive how I might be knighted,-I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet

1 Most probably Shakspeare wrote physician.

Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twinI protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt: for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man.

Mrs. Ford. Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us?

Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck.

Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit: and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: Come hither. [They retire.

Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and NYм. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so.

Pist. Hope is a curtail dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife.

Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young.
Pist. He woos both high and low, both rich
and poor,
Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
He loves thy gally-mawfry; Ford, perpend.'
Ford. Love my wife?

2 Caution.
A medley.


A dog that misses his game. $ Consider.

Pist. With liver burning hot: Prevent, or go thou | Like sir Actæon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels: O, odious is the name!

Ford. What name, sir?

Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell.

Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night:

Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing.

Away, sir corporal Nym.

Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true. [To PAGE.] I like not the humor of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors; I should have borne the humored letter to her but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. "Tis true:-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humor of bread and cheese; and there's the humor of it. Adieu. [Exit NYM. Page. The humor of it, quoth 'a! here's a fellow frights humor out of his wits.

Ford. I will seek out Falstaff.

Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting


Ford. If I do find it, well.

Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, tho' the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. "Twas a good sensible fellow: Well. Page. How now, Meg?

Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy?

Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy Get you home, go.

Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page?

Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George?-Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Aside to Mrs. FORD.

Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll

fit it.

Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter


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loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.

Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily. How now, mine host?

Enter Host and SHALLOW.

Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentlecavalero-justice, I say.


Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.

Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bullyrook.

Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor.

Ford. Good mine host of the Garter, a word with you.

Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook?

[They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport

shall be.

Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier?

Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts?

Shal. Have with you, mine host.

Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.

Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more! In stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, these times you stand on distance, your passes, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you:-I had rather hear them scold than fight.

[Exeunt HosT, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I lose not my labor; if she be otherwise, 'tis labor [Exit.

well bestowed.

SCENE II-A Room in the Garter Inn.
Fal. I will not lend thee a penny.
Pist. Why then the world's mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.-

I will retort the sum in equipage."

Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated

Pay you again in stolen goods.

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upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell, for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon my honor, thou hadst it not.

Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of honesty :-and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but I warrant you, all is one with her.

Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.

Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven?

Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you :-go.A short knife and a throng:-to your manor of Pickt-hatch,' go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue!-you stand upon your honor!- Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much and see the picture, she says that you wot' of;— as I can do, to keep the terms of my honor pre-master Ford, her husband, will be from home. cise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honor in he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frammy necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to pold life with him, good heart. lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honor! You will not do it, you? Pist. I do relent: what wouldst thou more of man? Enter ROBIN.

Fal. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her.

Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your

Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, Fal. Let her approach.

Enter Mrs. QUICKLY.

Quick. Give your worship good-morrow.
Fal. Good-morrow, good wife.

Quick. Not so, an't please your worship.
Fal. Good maid, then.

Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the

first hour I was born.

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Fal. Well: Mistress Ford:-what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray!

Fal. Mistress Ford; come, mistress Ford,Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk) and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had

•Draws along with you.


To cut purses in a crowd.

1 Pickt-hatch was in Clerkenwell. Ale-house.

2 Protect.

A mistake of Mrs. Quickly's for quandary.

whoe'er be the other; and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.

Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't!

Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me?

Quick. That were a jest, indeed!—they have not so little grace, I hope:-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do

what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all,

go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is
as she will; and, truly, she deserves it; for if there
be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one.
must send her your page; no remedy.

Fal. Why, I will.


Quick. Nay, but do so, then; and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both:

there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.-Boy, go along with this woman. This news distracts me.

[Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN.

Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights;
Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers :-
Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll
make more of thy old body than I have done. Will
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the ex-
pense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
Fretful, peevish.
A watch-word.

• Know.

By all means.

body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly done; | Love like a shadow flies, when substance love purso it be fairly done, no matter.

Enter BARDOlph.

Bar. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.

Fal. Brook, is his name?

Bar. Ay, sir.

Fal. Call him in. [Exit BARDOLPH.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ha! mistress Ford and mistress Page, have I encompassed you? go to; via!"

Re-enter BARDOLPH with FORD disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir.

Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you.

Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.


Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

Ford. Never.

Fal. Have you importun'd her to such a purpose? Ford. Never.

Fal. Of what quality was your love then?

Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it.

Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed' for your many warlike, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O sir!

Ford. Believe it, for you know it.-There is Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaint-money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all ance of you.

Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.

Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be

your porter.

Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant.


Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you;—and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith' you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender.

Fal. Very well, sir; proceed.

I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife; use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you

may as soon as any.

Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very


Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, sir John?

Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

Ford. O good sir!

Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall.

Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want


Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell

Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her you) by her own appointment; even as you came

husband's name is Ford.

Fal. Well, sir.

Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel: that I have purchas'd at an infinite rate: and that hath taught me to say this:

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in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous, rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir?

Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of monfor the which his wife seems to be well-favored. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home.


Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him.

Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I In the greatest companies. Approved.

Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face.

will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder ? my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuck-ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? old's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night:-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold: -come to me soon at night.

[Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience.Who says this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! -Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol' cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy! -Eleven o'clock the hour;- I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit.

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Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor!
Shal. 'Save you, master doctor Caius.
Page. Now, good master doctor
Slen. Give you good morrow, sir.

Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin," to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt.' Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says

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Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!

Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions: is it not true, master Page?

Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.

Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow.

Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor.

Host. Pardon, guest justice:-A word, monsieur Muck-water?"

Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat?

Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valor, bully.

Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy Jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-declaw me; for by gar, me vill have it.

Host. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat.

Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

[Aside to them.

Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humor he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well?


Shal. We will do it.

Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good master doc[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house, a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well?

Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat; by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well?

Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
Host. Let us wag then.

Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt.

• Drain of a dunghill.

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