ACT III. SCENE I-A Field near Frogmore. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. Eva. He's welcome: To shallow rivers, to whose falls Heaven prosper the right! - What weapons is he? Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice and Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upwards; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect? Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. • Head. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humors; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: and I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appoint ments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel! Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson! my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the pro verbs and the noverbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn:Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host: -- Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHAL., SLEN., PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog. I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart: he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II. - The Street in Windsor. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD. Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go you? Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that, -two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!-and Falstaff's boy with her!-Good plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Acteon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbors shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Shal., Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and I pray you, all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you: but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Shall encourage. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday; he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have, waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go; so shall you, master Page; and you, sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well:--we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles? All. Have with you, to see this monster. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-A Room in Ford's House. Enter Mrs. FORD and Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert! Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the buck-basket Mrs. Ford. I warrant:-What, Robin, I say. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Begone, and come when you [Exeunt Servants. are called. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master, sir John, is come in at your backdoor, mistress Ford; and requests your company. Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France show me such another: I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier: and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it. me. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee.Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping haw-thorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklers-bury in simple-time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you love mistress Page. Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well heaven knows, how I love shall one day find it. and you you; Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconceR me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling [FALSTAFF hides himself. woman. Enter Mrs. PAGE and ROBIN. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Formerly chiefly inhabited by druggists. • Hide. Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion ?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here, now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder. [Aside.]-"Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your husband's coming with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you: If you know yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed: call all your senses to you: defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a gentleman, my dear friend: and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or, it is whiting-time, send him by your two men to Datchet-mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't! let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in;-follow your friend's counsel;— I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: Call your men, mistress Ford:-You dissembling knight. Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit ROBIN; Re-enter Servants.] Go, take up these clothes here, quickly; Where's the cowl-staff?' look, how you drumble; carry them to the laundress in Datchet-mead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buckwashing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, have dreamed to-night: I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel Bleaching time. A staff for carrying a large tub or basket. • Drone. the fox:-Let me stop this way first:- So now | birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: uncape.1 Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page. -Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humors, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket? Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would, all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here: for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him into another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de tird. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Eva. I pray you now, remembrance to morrow on the lousy knave, mine host. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. Eva. A lousy knave; to have his gibes and his mockeries. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-A Room in Page's House. Enter FENTON and Mistress ANNE PAGE. Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love: Therefore, no more turn me to him, sweet Nan. Anne. Alas! how then? Fent. Why, thou must be thyself. He doth object, I am too great of birth; And that, my state being gall'd with my expense, I seek to heal it only by his wealth: Besides these, other bars he lays before me, — My riots past, my wild societies; And tells me, 'tis a thing impossible I should love thee, but as a property. Anne. May be, he tells you true. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come! Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth Anne. Gentle master Fenton, Yet seek my father's love: still seek it, sir: Cannot attain it, why then-Hark you hither. Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-you use me well, If opportunity and humblest suit master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. [They converse apart. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Mrs. QUICKLY. thoughts! Ford. Amen. Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it Eva. If there be anypody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. "Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience; your wife is as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner:Come, come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this. Come, wife;-come mistress Page: I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Shal. Break their talk, Mrs. Quickly; my kins man shall speak for himself. Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him. This is my father's choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favor'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! [Aside. Quick. And how does good master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father. Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne; -my uncle can tell you good jests of him:-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow in Gloucestershire. morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a 1 Unbag the fox. A proverb-a shaft was a long arrow, and a bolt a thick short one. Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: What a beast am I to slack' it. SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH. Fal. Bardolph, I say,— Bar. Here, sir. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARD.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal? and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow: a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter BARDOLPH, with the wine. Bar. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you. Bar. Come in, woman. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. Slen. Now, good mistress Anne. Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise. Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would y you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so: if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE, and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, master Slender :--Love him, daugh ter Anne. Why, how now! what does master Fenton here? Fent. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. Page. She is no match for you. No, good master Fenton. Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Come, master Shallow; come, son Slender; in:-Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master Fenton. swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins.[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Call her in. Quick. Speak to Mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do, Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: Give Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, your worship good-morrow. I must advance the colors of my love, And not retire: Let me have your good will. Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good I will not be your friend, nor enemy: [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE and ANNE. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing now;-Nay, said I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on master Fenton :-this is my doing. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to night Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy pains. 3 Lot. [Exit. Fal. Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of sack finely. Bar. With eggs, sir? Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage. [Exit BARDOLPH.]-How now? Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of ford. Quick. Alas the day; good heart, that was not her fault; she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: Tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou? • Specially. Neglect. 4 |