Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 't were, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here: do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable: if it be Shal. Nay, but understand me. Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender. I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it, the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us demand' to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid ? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir, I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do, is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, (three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes) and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? [Dogs bark.2 Anne. I think, there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now: I have seen Sackerson3 loose, twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd*: but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter PAGE. Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven Eva. Go your ways, and ask of doctor Caius' house, may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are which is the way; and there dwells one mistress married, and have more occasion to know one another. Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and but if you say, "marry her," I will marry her; that his wringer. I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the fault is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely. His meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne.-Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worship's company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and EVANS. Anne. Will 't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth.-Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit SIMPLE.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man.-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead; but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Sim. Well, sir. it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with misEva. Nay, it is petter yet.-Give her this letter; for tress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Anne Page: I pray you, be gone. I will make an end of my dinner there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and Fal. Mine host of the Garter! Host. What says my bully-rook5? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a-week. Host. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and 1 command: in f. e. 2 Not in f. e. 3 A famous bear, often baited at Paris Garden. 4 expression. 3 A sharper. Host. I have spoke; let him follow.-Let me see thee froth, and lime1: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman, a fresh tapster. Go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive. [Exit BARDOLPH. Pist. O base Gongarian2 wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minim's3 rest. Pist. Convey the wise it call. Steal? foh! a fico for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why then, let kibes ensue. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch, I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? : Fal. No quips now, Pistol. Indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she craves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, "I am sir John Falstaff's.' 22 Pist. He hath studied her will, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; he hath a legion of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain, and "To her, boy," say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious ciliads sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass. Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and beauty. I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me: they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour-letter. I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to ROBIN,] bear you these letters tightly: 10 Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.—— And high and low1 beguile the rich and poor. Nym. I have operations, which be humours of re- Nym. By welkin, and her stars.13 Nym. With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.14 His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile. Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.A Room in Dr. CAIUS's House. Quick. What, John Rugby!—I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit RUGBY. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.-An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate15: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish16 that way, but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender 's your master ? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard.17 Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall18 a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head: he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you ?-O! I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish— Re-enter RUGBY, running. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. 1 Froth beer by putting in soap, adding lime to sack to make it foam. 2 Some read: Hungarian, i. e., Bohemian or gipsy. ute's in f. e. 4 carves in f. e. 5 will in f. e. 6 An old coin. 7 bounty in f. e. 8 Escheator, an office of the Exchequer. small vessel; the word is often used for a go-between. 10 The folios and some of the f.e: honour. 11 Cant terms for dice. : 3 min 12 Six 9 A pence. 13 star in f. e. 14 Knight, following the folio of 1623, transposes these names. 15 Debate. 16 Silly. 17 The quartos have cane-colored-Cain was painted in old tapestries with a yellow beard. 18 Fine. Quick. We shall all be shent.1 Run in here, good great charge: and to be up early and down late ;---but young man; go into this closet. [Shuts SIMPLE in the notwithstanding, to tell you in your ear, (I would have closet.] He will not stay long.-What, John Rugby! no words of it) my master himself is in love with misJohn, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go inquire for my2 tress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know master; [Exit RUGBY.] I doubt, he be not well, that Anne's mind; that's neither here nor there. he comes not home:- "and down, down, adown-a," [Sings. &c. Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you. [Aside.] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait ford chaud. m'en vais à la cour,-la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Je Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket; dépêche, quickly. -Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! 4 [Enter RUGBY.a Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. I Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long.-Od's me! Qu'ai j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. [Going to it.5 Quick. [Aside.] Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?-Villainy! larron! [Dragging SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier! Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall the honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to- Caius. Peace-a your tongue !-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper: tarry you a littel-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy.—But notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house, and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself.— Sim. 'T is a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Caius. You jack'nape, give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make.-You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas! he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat :-do not you tell-a me, dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?-By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarretière to measure our weapon.-By gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good year! Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me.-By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door.-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman! how dost thou ? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, think'st thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you.-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? : Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale.-Good faith, it is such another Nan ;-but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread :—we had an hour's talk of that wart. -I shall never laugh but in that maid's company;— but, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing. But for you-well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there 's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me- Quick. Will I! i' faith, that I will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. [Exit. Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not, for I know Anne's mind as well as another does.-Out upon 't! what have [Exit. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a │I forgot? 1 Scolded. 2 Knight's ed. : thy 3 4 5 Not in f. e. • Pulling in f. e. 7 we in f. e. SCENE I.-Before PAGE's House. ACT II. Enter Mistress PAGE, with a Letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. tune of "Green Sleeves." What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? I Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of use reason for his physician,1 he admits him not for his Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort in this counsellor. You are not young, no more am I go to mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy then, there's sympathy. You are merry, so am I; ha! letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine ha! then, there's more sympathy: you love sack, and never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of letters, writ with blank space for different names, (sure more) and these are of the second edition. He will soldier can suffice) that I love thee. I will not say, print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts pity me, 't is not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love into the press, when he would put us two: I had me. By me, rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Thine own true knight, Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some stain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. JOHN FALSTAFF." What a Herod of Jewry is this !-O wicked, wicked, world !—one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this, manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company-What should I say to him?-I was Mrs. Page. So will I : if he come under my hatches, then frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me !-Why, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comdown of fat men. How shall I be revenged on him!fort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine Host of the Garter. for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress FORD. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that: I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary. O, mistress Page! give me some counsel. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman! if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour. Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour. Mrs. Page. What ?-thou liest.—Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack2; and so, thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light-here, read, read; [giving a letter]-perceive how I might be knighted. [Mrs. Page reads]-I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking and yet he would not swear, praised women's modesty, and gave such orderly and wellbehaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too; he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Pist. He woos both high and low, both rich and poor, Pist. With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou, Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell : 4 Nym. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PIST. 1 precision in f. e. 2 Become hackneyed or common-an allusion to the commonness with which James I. conferred the distinction. 3 A very popular air to which many ballads were written. 4 f. e. give this speech to PISTOL, humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her, but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym: I speak, and I avouch 't is true-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese. Adieu. [Exit NYM. Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fellow frights English out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawling-affecting rogue. Ford. If I do find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian,1 though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man, Ford. 'T was a good sensible fellow: well. Page. How now, Meg! Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George ?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.—Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. -Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George ?—[Aside to Mrs. FORD.] Look, who comes yonder she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Ford. I like it never the better for that.-Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident; I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting Host of the Garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.-How, now, mine host! Host. Tell him, cavaliero-justice; tell him, bullyrook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Caius, the French doctor. Ford. Good mine Host o' the Garter, a word with you. Host. What say'st thou, my bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier ? Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight.-Will you go on here ?3 Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir! I could have told you more: in these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 't is the heart, master Page: 't is here, 't is here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you.-I had rather hear them scold than see them fight. [Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's fidelity, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house, and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look farther into 't; and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 't is labour well bestowed. SCENE II-A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. [Exit. Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your couch-fellow, Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a gemini of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen, my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took 't upon mine honour thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence ? Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you:-go.-A short knife and a throng:-to your manor of Pickt-hatch,5 go.Host. How now, bully-rook! thou 'rt a gentleman. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue !—you stand Cavaliero-justice, I say. Enter Host.2 Enter SHALLOW. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even, and twenty, good master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. upon your honour!-Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to 1 Cataia, Cathay, or China. 2 f. e. have Enter Host and SHALLOW. 3 An-heires: in f. e. 4 coach. 5 A London locality of bad fame. |