composure, at about a quarter past ten on fifth-day morning, the 25th of first month. I continued with the rest of our afflicted family to mourn, and I trust humbly to submit to this severe dispensation, lifting up my soul unto Him, who alone is able to sanctify our troubles to us, day and night with tears and sighs, until the day of the burial, when we accompanied the remains of the endeared object of our gratitude, affection, and respect, to its resting-place.

at this time into much inward exercise of mind, being earnestly desirous that I may lay hold, and keep hold of those things which pertain to life and salvation,-to run daily that race which is set before me. Those who seek the Lord to serve him, shall indeed find him and the knowledge of his will where the desire is, there is a favourable evidence; seeing that every good gift and every perfect gift cometh down from the Author of all good. Divine grace which begets this desire, though smo- Second month 4th.—I have been led to think thered in many hearts, has freely been given, that the only substantial source of consolation without respect of persons, to all; and is suffi- in times of trouble, is a firm and an abiding cient, if obeyed, to work out the salvation of faith in our Maker and Redeemer. Whatever all, to lead them in the way they should go, anguish a sincere Christian may groan under, and to give them strength to walk in it: how whatever wretchedness is permitted to come then should we cherish this precious desire upon him, yet "let him trust in the name of after holiness, and that little seed, which, if the Lord, and stay upon his God." David preserved and fostered, will grow up and be- seemed to trust with great energy, when he come a large tree, bringing forth fruit abund- says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very antly; and what injures, what nips the tender present help in trouble; therefore will we not bud in its springing forth, but those things that fear, though the earth be removed," &c. :— are evil, or that tend to encourage evil. Oh!" The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jahow would this little spark, this divine fire, if cob is our refuge." Though man is born to not quenched in its arising, burn up every piece of straw and stubble within us, every thing that is not durable; and even such things as silver and gold would not escape the influence, but would be melted down, refined, and seven times purified. Now this light within may not at all times be equally discernible, we may be deprived of the sense of it for a season; but when this is the case, we ought especially to be very vigilant and sober; for it is in these intervals, that the enemy most generally finds the door open, and the sentinel not at his post. Let us beware lest we forget ourselves during this time of trial, when we do not sensibly experience within us the presence of Him, in whose presence there is fulness of joy. Let us then seek unto the Lord still more earnestly, and patiently wait his coming, in silent subjection of soul, desiring not our own will, way and time, but His. Surely there is cause for thankfulness in the midst of the dryest season, and even when to our own apprehension we are forgotten and forsaken by Him whom our soul desires for we know that it is the same Lord, who gave to us the gift of his grace, that has himself permitted the sensible feeling of it to be taken away, and all for our good, though we may not think so. Let us then learn, in whatsoever state it may please infinite wisdom and goodness to place us, therewith to be content.

trouble, and every one of us must sooner or later suffer; yet a simple implicit reliance on him in whom we have believed, will be found sufficient for our consolation and support. We are allowed to mourn;-a blessing is attached to mourning;-the effect of godly sorrow is said to be repentance ;-Jesus himself wept; and it is said of him, that "he was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." But we are reminded not to "sorrow, as those who have no hope." Let us then, in the midst of the most acute and poignant grief, never despair; but rather with upwright Job, let us endeavour to attain to that lowly submissive frame of soul, which leads us to commit ourselves to the disposal of an Almighty Creator and merciful Father.

8th.-The deepest affliction which is caused by the privation of outward objects and things, however near and dear those objects may have been to us, cannot be compared to that utter distress, and anguish of spirit, which the pilgrim is permitted at times to undergo on his journey towards Zion. Who can have an idea of it, without having experienced this trying situation; when man, who is by himself a poor, weak, helpless creature, dependent upon his Maker for strength, encouragement, consolation, and ability to do and to think anything aright, is thus left apparently, and exposed to the attacks of a relentless enemy, On the 24th of first month, my dear father, without guide or guardian, naked, hungry, [who had been long an invalid,] got rapidly blind, diseased,-where shall poor man find worse. I attended him nearly all the day, and shelter in this stormy season of life? Oh! "let but little thought of the event that followed.him trust in the Lord, and stay upon his God.” I sat up with him till between two and three In this time of desertion, when after "toiling o'clock the next morning. He died in much in the midst of the sea," being "tossed with

the waves," and "the wind contrary," he seems well nigh spent, and apparently no nearer "his desired haven;" then, if he cry unto the Lord in his trouble, He will bring him out of his distresses: He will make the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof will be still; and the troubled disciple shall see Jesus coming unto him walking on the waves, and shall hear him distinctly say, "Be of good cheer, it is I, be not afraid."

state. Why should I not then submit to the management of the great Husbandman at all times? Though like the skilful vine-dresser, he rub off every bud that does not show fruit, though he bind me to the wall, though he cut out the canker in the bark, and pierce to the very pith; yet do I most certainly know, that he careth for me, and intends my purging unto fruitfulness and perfection.

Fourth month 3d.-I can scarcely refrain 18th. The Lord in his infinite mercy has from writing a few lines, on the occasion of been pleased to strike me to the earth like -'s bearing open testimony to those prinSaul, with a sense of my sins, and to enable ciples, which I believe he very sincerely has me sincerely and fervently to inquire of him, espoused. It must indeed be a trying time "What wilt thou have me to do." I can in- with him, not only just now, but perhaps deed testify that his forbearance and long suf- henceforth through life. The change of dress fering towards me have been wonderful; and and address, though a simple small thing in I have great cause for daily thanksgiving, that itself, must doubtless be a pretty constant I have been taught in some small degree the source of ridicule and contempt, both in his knowledge of myself, and in much mercy presence and behind his back. I could say shown the abominations and gross evils, in much in favour of his sincerity, and I think which my heart was enveloped: the coverings his exercises have not been few or slight, even of self and sense that disguised the real state as far as I have seen. Though I have had of my mind from me, have been in part re- but little direct communication with him on moved; and I have been permitted to discover religious subjects, yet, in his deportment and a glimpse of what I ought to be. My ardent conduct, in general so reasonable and upright, desire therefore is, that He who has helped me there has been much instruction for me. I thus far, would be pleased to continue to ex- have seen many evils and errors in him, evitend his paternal care over me; that he would dently brought under correction and governpreserve in me an invariable desire to do and ment, and the chords of his practice and daily abide by his will, at all times and in all things; conduct drawn tighter and tighter into tune; that he would teach me the knowledge of the and in witnessing this process, my admiration Truth; and that I might be so strengthened has been not a little excited, in the full belief, therein, as to be enabled to say in sincerity, that it evinces a power greater than his frailty, "I am thine,—do with me what thou wilt." under the influence of which he endeavours to Third month 16th.-O! how exceedingly live: he has proved and does prove a living ought we to praise and to bless the name of lesson and example to me, and I think to the Lord for all his dispensations and gifts: others. On looking again at the matter which my soul is at this time very much impressed gave me occasion for writing this, I am inwith a sense of the bounty of that great Giver, clined to add, that the following considerations who in mercy educes blessings from those seem of too much importance long to defer exthings which least of all appear such. But of amining; First, whether I am satisfied to conwhat avail is such a sense of the goodness of tinue as I am, in respect of outward profesthe Almighty-such a conviction that "the sion; Second, if not, when is the right time Lord is good to all, and that his tender mer- to make any alteration; Third, what precise cies are over all his works,”—unless this con- change is to take place, in what particulars, viction leads us to put our whole trust and re- and on what grounds. And may He, who liance on Him in every circumstance and situa-alone can preserve my soul from evil, be with tion,-unless we are induced with still greater me; that so I may not err on the right hand, firmness, faith and "patience, to run the race that is set before us," to endure our appointed trials;-in short, to take up our daily cross and deny ourselves, out of pure love to Him, who first loved us, and still doth love us.

31st. I have thought that my state of mind much resembled the luxurious growth of some stripling plant, which springs up quickly, but requires much pruning and cutting back, sometimes even to the ground, in order that its strength may be proportioned to its height, and that it may be brought into a bearing

or on the left.

11th.-Having a short reprieve of a week, before entering into a business which is marked out for me, [at a Solicitor's office,] I avail myself gladly of it to record my heartfelt and sincere expressions of gratitude, that amidst all my backslidings and omissions, during the period of retirement which I have had of late, there remain to me yet some small bright spots and points, at which I can with satisfaction look back. For though there have been many and great errors and failings, and at times an

afterwards to some one meeting, unless absolutely impracticable.

30th.-Independent of all other considerations which might induce me to court the company and intercourse of Friends, and many other reasons there are, this one would have much weight with me, namely, that into what. ever Friend's family I have gone, I have not as yet failed to find them a happy set of people,-cheerful yet sober, liberal yet strict, and above all things, sincere and honest. I have not had much acquaintance with Friends; but I may truly declare, that I have seldom, if ever, gone away from a Friend's house, with

almost total forgetfulness of that Being, whose wisdom made me, and whose mercy is still over me; yet am I encouraged in the belief, that at many seasons there has been a desire after, a searching for, the living God, and for the knowledge of his will, whom to know is life. I have indeed learnt by reiterated and painful experience, the constant liability to which poor man is exposed, of forgetting or forsaking the fountain of living waters, the Father of infinite mercy, who is daily striving with his self-willed creature, man. Ó! I have learnt, and may the lesson be indelibly impressed on my soul, that it is good for a man to watch-to watch and be sober,-to fear al-out carrying with me a temper and feeling of ways, to abide in His love who first loved us. mind so peaceable, so calm, contented and 14th.-Uncertainty as to the time and man- cheerful, full of such warm desires of being ner of our departure hence, and certainty as and doing good, as are by no means easily to the fact itself, seem to be the limit of our effaced. knowledge in regard to this awful subject. We know indeed neither the day nor the hour when we shall be summoned, by an all-righteous Judge to render an account. Seeing then that such is our case, may we yet more and more earnestly strive after a state of preparation, having "our loins girded about and our lights burning;" that, so whenever the awful call shall go forth, whether at midnight, in the morning, or at noonday, we may be found amongst the trusty servants, "whom the Lord, when he cometh, shall find watching."

Fifth month 1st.-Though pressed hard for time, I am constrained to commemorate the admirable goodness of the Lord to my soul this morning, in evidently answering my petition, and affording me suitable instruction, which was received, I trust, with benefit. At Gracechurch Street Meeting this morning, be ing weary with my own intruding imagina tions, and earnestly desiring to be rightly di rected in the awfully important business which I came about, and for which I had given up much to obtain liberty of attendance,—a seFourth month.-O! how ardent at this mo- cret prayer seemed to arise and run through ment is my desire and prayer to the inexhaus-me, that, if it were best, I might through some tible Fountain of transcendent love and mercy, instrumental means be informed and instructthat it may please Him according to his mar-ed in the great duty of public worship. No vellous compassion, so to dwell in the hearts of his poor dependent creatures, that through His sanctifying presence and power, they may be preserved from evil; and not only this, but that the minds of men may be more and more opened, enlivened, and enabled to discover the beauty and the bliss inherent in the Truth.

As if

sooner had such desires presented themselves, than M. S. [Mary Savory] rose, with nearly if not exactly these words; Look not unto man, whose breath is in his nostrils, O thou of little faith; but look thou unto the Lord, who is mighty to deliver, and able to save to the uttermost, them that trust in him.' O! how largely I could dwell upon the won- she had said, 'Look not for direction in this derful goodness of that Being, whose daily matter to man, but to the Lord, who can best communication and connexion with his crea-instruct and incline thee when and how to tures, by his providence and by his more immediate influence, most clearly manifests Him to be the all-seeing God. How do I long for that period, when loosed from all earthly impediments, as well from the necessities as from the frailties of the body, I may be enabled to offer pure and acceptable adoration and hallelujahs to the infinitely glorious Source of love and mercy.

worship himself acceptably.' This instance of condescension was, and still remains a memorable one with me, and is not less gratefully remembered on account of having experienced many especial favours of a similar nature and description; some of which indeed have been still more striking.

8th. My birthday; [nineteen years of age.] I contrived to get one hour in the garden in the morning, though so closely tied to business. Many reflections appear to have been my companions in the midst of much business at this time; indeed my mind was greatly exercised and tried, yet also comforted, yes, unspeakably, during this season.

Hitherto the Lord hath helped me; hitherto

give up thereto; it does entail such entanglement and engrossment in the things of time, as to leave to uncertainty and almost inevitable neglect the things of eternity. I also am of the firm persuasion, that business is not of that first importance, which is so generally attached to it; but is and should be secondary and subordinate to the first and greatest object in life.

has he helped me exceedingly,-more than I could even have thought or asked: and I can abundantly testify to this truth, "no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly," or even from them that seek to do so. 27th.-I cannot but believe, that the Lord will redeem my soul from the depth of difficulty and distress, which seems to encompass it; though there seems no way, he will make one over the pit, which is dug about me by my enemy. Thanks be to the adorable fountain of all goodness, my faith is yet firm. I know in whom I have believed and trusted, and that He is still able and willing, and shortly, in his own time, will make bare His arm, which is indeed mighty to save and to rescue. I read that the prayers of some formerly did ascend even into the ears of the most High, and came before him as a memo-withhold them. None can tell us of our rial; now I do heartily and indubitably believe, that "He is the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever;" that "his arm is not shortened that he cannot save, nor his ear grown heavy, that he cannot hear" the cries of such as seek his direction.

Same date.-If after all means and endeavours are made use of, we believe that any thing is right to be done, surely it is our duty to do it. We ought not to look at the effects or consequences of thus having acted, but to leave them to divine wisdom, that he may overrule or dispose of them as he sees best, whether he is pleased to give us satisfaction within and the approbation of others, or to

duty with certainty in every respect; they can tell us of the great fundamental and indispensable rules of the moral law; but in such actions and steps, the omission of which is no breach of morality, others can only recommend what they think is right; yet this 29th.-O! Lord God of my fathers, the is no infallible rule for us. Now who is more protector of every one that putteth his trust likely to come to the knowledge of his duty in thee, be pleased in thy unbounded com- in any particular, than he who in sincerity passion and unutterable mercy, to look upon and simplicity is daily and hourly striving to thine afflicted servant for good. O! Lord, thou conform himself to the will of his Maker, as knowest my case and circumstances better far as he knows it. Such a one should not than I can possibly relate; thou seest all my despair or grieve, if in every respect he does wants, my troubles and my fears: in thy not immediately and clearly discover his way abundant and overflowing mercy, forsake me cast up before him; but rather should join not in this time of trial and deep exercise of faith to his obedience; endeavouring to be spirit. O! thou art mighty to save and to de- content and thankful that he is permitted to liver, help me that I perish not in this ex- know what little he does, and is enabled to act tremity; but that aided by thee, I may be en-up to that little; humbly hoping, and patiently abled to do thy will whilst here, whatsoever it may be; and be prepared to glorify thee for ever hereafter.

30th.-O Lord! the Father of the fatherless, the helper of the helpless, the friend of the afflicted; who hast promised never to forsake them that seek thee, and trust in thee; receive the sigh and tear of one whose spirit crieth unto thee day and night,-yea Lord, thou knowest, through every hour of the day. I pray not that thou wouldst take me out of the world, or from that station and place in it, which in thy infinite goodness is appointed for me; but this does my spirit crave of thee with unspeakable fervency, even that in all things, at all times, and in all places, thou mayest be pleased to dwell with me, and to keep me on every hand from all evil.

waiting for more, if necessary.

12th. I have often been struck with the close analogy, which many narratives in the Bible bear to the state of our own minds. The manner in which Thomas received the intelligence communicated by his fellow Apostles, of the resurrection of our Lord from the dead, has more than once impressed my mind, whilst I looked at myself and my own state. I have been led to think, that any hesitation or delay on my part to believe in and to receive the Lord of life and light, who is striving with me day by day, who is watching, waiting to be gracious, who is knocking at the door of my heart almost every hour, who is calling me, and running after me as a shepherd after his lamb that is gone astray, is somewhat like the tardy yet deliberate conviction of Sixth month. According to my present Thomas, who overpowered at length by the feelings and experience, I do verily believe abundant evidence which the Lord was pleasthat the business upon which I have entered, ed to shower upon him, was unable in the is such as requires much more time, close fulness of his heart to say more than "My study and attention, than I can conscientiously Lord, and my God." O! I do indeed desire, VOL. VI.-No. 10.

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13th.-O! Lord, make me still more and more entirely devoted and dedicated, given up and surrendered unto thee: Teach me, I pray thee, still more perfectly the way that I should 25th. The customs, fashions, vanities, and walk in, each step that I should every moment ways of the world, have very often come under take whilst here; that so through thy bound-my serious consideration. I have been, I may less mercy I may be safe on every hand from indeed say, oppressed with a sense of the mass every thing evil. O Lord! if it so please of folly, which is sin, prevalent among the chilthee, I implore thee to take from me all vain dren of men. I believe the evil effects of these confidence in myself or others,-all my own things are but little calculated by many reflect. strength and wisdom; and impress upon my ing minds; and that few look upon them in that soul an earnest sense of my own nothingness serious light in which they deserve to be regardand helplessness: that so through the low ves-ed, or esteem them worthy of reformation. It is tibule of true humility, I may be enabled to enter thy glorious temple, and therein to offer acceptable sacrifice and praise unto thee.