A figure painted bold and rude; A desert where wild beasts intrude; So short and frail the Life of Man. LINES ON A SCULL BROUGHT FROM THE FIELD OF WATERLOO, AND PLACED IN A HER MITAGE IN WALES. la this lone spot, oh, Friend or Stranger! Start not this human wreck to view, Brought from the field of strife and danger— Th' immortal field of Waterloo. Whatever fierce contending nation Mechanic toil, and proud ambition, At length are brought to this condition, Whether in fight to perish greatly Or stretch'd on straw-it matters not; For, spite of every false suggestion, Is, how we liv'd?-not where we died. ON THE WATERLOO WALTZ. A moment pause, ye British fair, Vail'd in clouds the morning rose, Which consign'd, before it's close, His native pipes accustom'd sound Or wake his sleep on Waterloo. Chasing o'er the cuirassier, See the foaming charger flying; Trampling in his wild career, All alike, the dead and dying. See the bullets through his side, Answer'd by the spouting tide; Helmet, horse, and rider too, Roll on bloody Waterloo. Shall scenes like these, the dance inspire, Other sounds I ween were there, Forbear till Time, with lenient hand, Has sooth'd the pang of recent sorrow; And let the picture distant stand, The softening hue of years to borrow, When our time has pass'd away, Hands unborn may wake the lay, And give to joy alone the view Of Britain's fame at Waterloo, DESCRIPTION OF AN ASSIZE TOWN. Attornies anxious to create dispute, Juries who find for plaintiff or defendant, Just as their stomachs feel, to make an end on't; The town all uproar, riot, noise, and pother, And drunken witnesses one upon t'other. THE PROCESSION OF THE MONTHS. (Concluded from page 80.) With sunny locks and eyes of azure hue, JUNE--a young wood-nymph, walk'd with pleasing air, The hyacinth's sweet bells impearl'd with dew, Which by the forests' brook's wild margin grew, And eglantine's soft tinted roses fair, In graceful wreaths were o'er her forehead bound; A leafy girdle clasp'd her form around, Of woodbine tendrils, with their blossoms rare; Sweet were the wild notes of her varied song, Echoing at eve and morn the greenwood dells among. Short was her stay, for Summer's stately queen, Of burnish'd light, which with its dazzling sheen mar, And with rich fragrance load the zephyr's wings, Who woos the precious gift with gentle whis perings. Like a brown chieftain of those fair domains Came AUGUST, all in rich apparel dight, The damask rose, with glowing leaves full spread, And clustering grapes engarlanded his head; Then did the reaper; blythe SEPTEMBER, come, The last ripe sheaves on his broad shoulders bore, The bounteous almoner wav'd high in air Slow walk'd NOVEMBER o'er the leaf-strewn waste, Her own sad thoughts alone could her engage, One who had buried all the joys of life, In helmet huge of snow, o'er which pale gleam'd A pine's dark taft-DECEMBER, frowning, seem'd A conqueror in barbaric pomp, who deem'd And let him come, and wear his darkest frown, A Province of Mexico. Printed and Published for the Proprietors, by J. WHITE, 41, Holywell-street, Strand, and may be had of all Booksellers. VOL. I. No. 7.] TICKLER. LONDON, TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 1819. Anecdotes. LORD THURLOW-Mr. Potter, the translator of Eschylus, on receiving notice of the favour intended for him (a Prebendal Stall, in Norwich Cathedral) immediately came to town, to make personal acknowledgements of his gratitude. He called several times at Thurlow's house, but never could gain admission: at length he applied to his friend and neighbour, Sir John, afterwards Lord Wodehouse, and begged of him to see the Chancellor in the House of Peers, and ask when he might have the honour of waiting upon his lordship, as he had been some days in town. Sir John accordingly did this, when the only answer he received was, "Let him go home again, I want none of his Norfolk bows." HORACE WALPOLE-A gentleman of no small literary distinction, who had a sort of general invitation to his villa, was induced by a fine summer morning to pay his respects to Lord Orford. On arriving he was kindly greeted, and invited to take dinner. The invitation was accepted, and the Noble Lord, ringing his bell, on the appearance of a Swiss valet, inquired what was provided for his repast." Hashed “mutton, my lord," was the reply. "Let there be hashed mutton for two, as Mr. *** is to dine with me." In a very short time the Swiss returned with a long face"My Lord, there is only hashed mutton for one." The visitor made his apologies, engaged to come again at a more favourable opportunity, and left Twickenham impransus.-N. B. His Lordship's servants were always on board wages.-(Sexagenarian.) GIBBON.-Soon after this celebrated historian became an inhabitant of Lausanne, a lady of beauty and talents made such an impression upon his heart, that he could not resist the impulse of love, but, falling on his knees, avowed the passion her charms had inspired. The object of his affection, in spite of the historian's eloquence, was deaf to his entreaties, and requested him to rise. He attempted to obey this injunction, but in vain; for his weighty person, unaccustomed to such a position, was not easily restored to its proper balance. The lady, fearing that some one might detect her admirer in this awkward situation, forgot her anger, and endeavoured to lift him rom the ground. Her strength, however, [PRICE 6d. was unequal to the task, and after various ineffectual struggles, both by Gibbon and the lady, the latter was obliged to ring the bell, and order her astonished servant to raise the prostrate scholar. WILKES'S SISTER.-This lady, who, by a second marriage, became Mrs. Hayley, was of such an obstinate temper, that on the death of her husband, who bequeathed a handsome fortune to an only daughter, she was so reluctant to perform the stipulations of his will, that the most harsh and rigorous proceedings were unavoidably necessary, and she was arrested on a Saturday night, returning from the play, when she had thousands at her disposal, and detained in a spunging house till Monday morning. WHIMSICAL EXPEDIENT.-Dr. Johnson and Sir Joshua Reynolds were one evening together at the house of a female fashionable acquaintance, when the Duchess of Argyle and another lady came in. Johnson thought himself and Reynolds were neglected for these new visitors, as low company, of whom their hostess was somewhat ashamed. He grew angry, and resolved to shock her supposed pride, by making the great folks imagine that his companion and himself were common mechanics. He addressed himself, therefore, in a loud tone to Reynolds, with "How much do you think you and I could get in a week, work as hard as we could?"It is needless to describe the consternation of his polished entertainer. IMPUDENCE.-Le Grand Pitrot, well known throughout Europe for his excellence as a dancer, when on the point of departing from Vienna, received from the Emperor a gold suuff-box, containing his picture, set around with brilliants. Pitrot was under the hands of his hair-dresser when a colonel, belonging to the imperial guards, delivered this present.-Pitrot took it in a careless manner, looked at it, and, pressing his thumb upon the crystal, crushed the picture; he then gave the box to his hair-dresser, and bade the officer acquaint his master, that that was the way in which he always disposed of baubles, sent him by men he did not think worthy of his friendship; then stepped into his carriage, and just got out of the Austrian dominions time enough to escape a party of hussars that had been sent in pursuit of him. Blunders. ABSENCE OF MIND.-A merchant who had to sign the baptismal register of one of his children, wrote "Peter Coule and Company," without perceiving his error till aroused to it by the laughter of his friends. IGNORANCE.-A wretched fellow maintained in company, that the sun did not travel round the world, but that having journeyed from east to west, it returned at night the same way. RIDICULOUS CUSTOM.-A citizen, meeting with one of his titled customers, who asked how he did, replied "Very well, thank God and your Lordship." The same nobleman then asked how many children he had, to whieh he answered, with a profound bow, "I have four, thank God and your Lordship." CURIOUS BULL.-In Montague's history of England, the author, alluding to Queen Elizabeth's projected marriage with the Duke of Anjou, observes, that "She was to hear the discontents, the reproaches, perhaps the curses of her people, who, from this match, dreaded to see the fair plant of their religion, reared by the toils of Princes, and watered with the blood of so many martyrs, totally destroyed." VOL. 2, p. 49. PRICE OF MILK.---During the dry weather, an Irish milkman was asked why the price of that article was so high ? "By my soul, madam," said Pat to his customer, "I believe it is altogether owing to the scarcity of water!" POLITICAL ZEAL.--In the last number of the Conservateur, M. Fievee speaks of the Royalists again sacrificing their lives, and then proceeding to aid the Royal cause, &c. A Parisian Journalist compares this expression to one used by an Ultra Republican, in 1793, who roared out from the Tribune of the National Convention--"Yes, Citizens, should the Tyrants be enabled to triumph over the Republic, I will cut off my head, and presenting it to them, I will say---Tyrants, behold the act of a Freeman." Bon Mots. ROYAL SKAITER.-When all the French court were skaiting upon the Seine, which was frozen over, Henry IV. wished to join them, but was restrained by the Marshal de Bassompierre. "The others are akaiting," said the king. "Yes, Sire," replied the courtier, "but is not your Majesty of more weight than all of them put together?" "I INGENIOUS REPLY.-A private in the army of Marshal Turenne, took the name of that illustrious officer, who reprimanded him for his audacity: "How am I to blame, general?" said the soldier. have the choice of names, and had I known of one more distinguished than yours, I should have taken it." For this answer he was liberally rewarded. SEAT OF FAITH.-A catholic once observed to a protestant, that Rome was the seat of faith. "That is true," replied the latter, "but it is a faith which resembles certain people, whom one rarely finds at home." THE RETORT.-Two girls of fashion entered an assembly-room, at Paris, just as a fat citizen's wife was quitting it. "Ah," said one of them, in an audable voice, "there's beef a la mode going out " Yes," answered the object of theit ridicule, "and game going in." COMPLIMENT.-Menage, the French author, having taken one of Madame Sevigne's hands within his, when that lady retired, a "There goes the by-stander observed, finest work that ever come out of your hands." COQUETRY.-Some coquettes, very gaily dressed, and highly rouged, being at an assembly, asked a foreigner, who had been but a short time in the room, how he liked their Parisian beauties. 66 Ladies," said he, "I am no judge of painting." Epigrams. ADVICE TO A CYNIC. [FROM THE FRENCH.] You say, whene'er abroad you roam, ON ADAM SMITH.* Immortal SMITH's transcendent fame Entitles him to ADAM's name, For that great writer's useful pen Has stamped him as the first of Men. Portman Square. F. W. *Author of the "Wealth of Nations." ON LOUIS THE SEVENTEENTH, Who was apprenticed to a Cobler. BY PETER PINDAR. I give thee joy, thou lucky blade, BAD TO WORSE. The Epigram his pupil writ, And as his wisdom thought most fit, The student felt his noddle bleed, And mumbled with a curse, My Epigram is bad, indeed, But your across-stick's worse. ON THE ROYAL MARRIAGE ACT. Quoth Dick to Tom, "this act appears "Absurd, as I'm alive; "To take the crown at eighteen years, "The wife at twenty-five. "The myst'ry how shall we explain, Quoth Tom to Dick---"Thou art a fool, "And little know'st of life; "Alas! 'tis easier far to rule "A kingdom, than a wife.” Elegy. ON A QUID OF TOBACCO. Ir lay before me, on the close-graz'd grass, Beside my path-an old Tobacco Quid: And shall I by the mute adviser pass, Without one serious thought? now, Heav'n forbid ! Perhaps, some idle drunkard threw thee there; Some husband, Spendthrift of his weekly hire: One who for wife and children takes no care; Buts sits, and tipples by the alehouse fire. Ah! luckless was the day, he learned to chew, Embryo of ills, the Quid that pleas'd him first! Thirsty, from that unhappy Quid he grew, Then to the alehouse went, to quench his thirst. So great events from causes small arise: Owes all his evils to the Indian weed. gage; That thou wast rounded in some toothless jaw; The joy, perhaps, of solitary age! One, who has suffered Fortune's hardest knocks; Poor, and with none to tend on his grey hairs; Yet has a friend, in his Tobacco-Box; And while he rolls his Quid, forgots his cares! E'en so it is with human happiness; Each secks his own according to his whim; One toils for wealth; one, fame alone can bless; One asks a Quid-a Quid is all to him! |