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A DANDY OF THE YEAR 1770.—(From a Daily Paper, published at that period.)-"A few days ago a maccaroni made his appear ance in the assembly rooms at Whitehaven, in the following dress:-A mixed silk coat, pink satin waistcoat and breeches, covered with an elegant silver net, white silk stockings with pink clocks, pink satin shoes and large pearl buckles, a mushroom coloured stock, covered with fine point lace-hair dressed remarkably high, and stuck full of pearl pins."

PRESENT POPULATION.-The table of popu lation and territory of the present civilized world, as exhibited by Mr. Bristed, gives to China, 200 millions, and 1,200.000 square miles of territory; to Great Britain, 20 millions of population, and 100,000 square miles, and to the United States, 10 millions, and 2,500,000 miles; and the total of the whole world is, of population, 435,800,000, and of territory 9,687,000 square miles; so that the United States have the largest home territory of all the nations except Russia. China is not included in this, because it contains many parts barbarous, helpless, and inactive. Britain possesses 150 millions of subjects in her colonial empire, and covers a dominion equal to nearly one-fifth of the whole surface of the globe; but her main strength must always depend upon the resources, intelligence, spirit, and character of her native population in the British Isle.

THE REGENT'S PUNCH.-By the politeness of a gentleman, on whose correctness we may depend, we are enabled to present our readers with the receipt for this "nectarious drink."It is as follows:-three bottles of champaigne, a bottle of hock, a bottle of curacoa, a quart of brandy, a pint of rum, two bottles of madeira, two bottles of Seltzer water, four pounds of bloom raisins, seville oranges, lemons, white sugar candy, and instead of water, green tea. The whole to be highly iced. This is an inportant document!

LEGAL ADVANTAGES.-At a late assizes at York, a cause went thither for twenty shillings. The plaintiff obtained a verdict in the most triumphant manner; the attorney was all exul tation; and the plaintiff, having come off conqueror, has been in gaol ever since for the expenses.

MODERN SERMONS.-There is no species of composition that seems to stand more in need of an infusion of fresh vigour than sermons.— Many of our preachers seem to think that the intrinsic charms of the truth are so obvious as to supersede the necessity of any outward display of them; and, however much, as SWIFT observed in his day, they may fall short of the apostles in working miracles, they greatly surpass them in the art of setting men asleep.

A WONDERFUL WIFE.-On the south wall of Stratham church, there is a monument with the following inscription: Elizabeth, wife of Major-General Hamilton, who was married seven years, and never did one thing to se her husband!!!"

NATIONAL TRAITS.-Every Nation has its traits:-the Spaniards sleep on every affair of importance the Italians fiddle-the Germans smoke-the French promise every thing-the British eat-and the Americans talk upon every thing.

ROYAL DISASTER. The foreign papers gravely inform us that his Majesty, the King of Prussia, has hurt his nose by the overturning of a sledge. To say that thousands of weavers at Carlisle cannot obtain food, is a mere trifle, which few condescend to notice; but that the King of Prussia should have hurt his royal nose, is peculiarly affecting! And yet, what occasion has a King for a nose! Cannot he create a new state officer to smell for him? As Monarchs transact all their real business by proxy, some of their natural occasions might be performed in the same way. It would be peculiarly pleasing, if the Prince Regent would appoint the weavers of Carlisle eaters general of his kitchen establishment. It costs enough to supply them all amply with the surplus of what real dignity would require.

WAX CHANDLER.-Of old, when gratitude to saints called so frequently for lights, the wax-chandlers were a flourishing company they were incorporated in 1484, and the fol lowing more frugal than delicate bill of fare was served on the occasion:-Two loins of veal and two loins of mutton, Is. 4d.; one loin of beef, 4d.; a leg of mutton, 24d.; a pig, 4d.; a capon, 6d.; a coney, 2d.; one dozen of pigeons, 7d.; one hundred eggs, 83.; one kilderkin of ale, 8d.: total, six 84d.; one goose, 6d.; one gallon of red wine, shillings.

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And SHAKSPEARE mourns to view th' exotic pro- The gentleman shrugg'd up his shoulders, and said,

digy.

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The Poet, in whose hand Anachreon's lyre
Was struck with more than e'en its master's fire;
Whose native melody more sweetly breath'd
When his gay flowers round Ireland's harp were
wreath'd,

Said that his country would its OSSIAN give,
To have bid BURNS on the Green Island live.
Erin could ne'er have wish'd it, for before
The poet's thought was breath'd, his land had-
MOORE.

In reply" "Tis a chance if again I shall wed; But you need not take pains to convince me of this.-

"If I marry again-it will not be a Miss."

A Physician, whose name was 1. Letsom, wrote the following over his shop door.

I cure my patients with my art,

And with any physic sweats 'em; And after, if they choose to die,

What's that to me-1. Lets'om.

OLD DRURY.-In the days of Mr. Whitbread, when Drury-lane Theatre was in a state of inost lamentable distress, it was justly said tha', had not Mr. Kean appeared, it would, in a fortnight, have been a brewhouse. It is now in the same predicament—it wants a sup

PORTER.

Scraps.

THE TAYLOR's SOLILOQUY.

BY MR. HARRISON.

To be, or not to be-a Taylor? That is the question. Shall I, who feel myself a man; yes, every inch a man! have but one-ninth of iny just claim allowed, as if it were my bal, taxed by too rigid justice; who being blind, "sees not the risks I run? Forbid it, Heaven! I am a man; and a man of consequence too, for no man is a man without me. Even kings would be Sans Culottes, if I turned traitor, and refused to make them breeches; and who would reverence their bench of judges, and their bench of bishops, if I did not inufacture furred gowns and lawn sleeves? Yes, law, divinity, and physic too, all stand indebted to me for their importance: I am, therefore, not only a man, but a man of importance. would our brave sailors do, those brave fellows to whom we chiefly owe the safety of our coun try itself, without jackets and trowsers? why they would be as bare-bottomed as so many Mounseers, and then we should see that they had no more bottom neither. The soldiers, too, they would cut a very pretty figure, to be 'sure, without me! Why, zounds! it is enough to make a man swear; but as I am a mandamme! I must be a man, for no animal on earth but a man ever swears—yeɛ, surely as I

What

am a man, the very reason that the girls all
ran to the parade, to the parks, to every re-
view, to the camps, and to all places after the
soldiers, where soldiers are to be seen, is be-
cause they are so smartly cloathed by me.--
What makes soldiers, in their eyes, look so
handsome! but the scarlet cloth, the bull, and
the blue, in which I dress them; the gold lace,
and the worsted lace, the gold epaulets, and
the worsted epaulets, with which I trim the
most valiant dogs in the world? A tailor, then,
is not only a man, but a man of valour, since
he trims them all. At court, who would be
introduced into the royal presence, without
my preparing them for a good reception? Does
it signly one farthing what is within, provid-
ed as how I have the management of the out-
side? In courting, too, as well as at court, are
not ninety-nine women out of every hundred,
more governed their choice by my part of
the object, tha any other consideration what
ever? "A good coat," as the old song should
say, "and a fight pair of breeches, go through
the world." li a iman has no credit with his
tailor, he has none elsewhere: nobody will ad-
mit a man of merit out at elbows into his house;
nobody will speak to genius cloathed in rags
in the street. But let ine have the dressing of
the vilest rascal in the universe, and see if he
is not welcomed like a prince in every fashion-
able circle. Is it not dress that makes him a
gentleman? Is it not me that regulates the
fashions? I, therefore, must be a gentleman,
as well as a man of fashion. Can any man,
who is not well clothed by me, clothe the best
story in the world so as to be reckoned a wit in
polite company? And will not the most thread-
bare joke, uttered by one whom I have thus
qualified, convulse the very same circle with
laughter? I am, therefore, the maker of wit,
and must, of course, be a man of wit. Shall 1,
then, who can do all these great things, be
cast off and despised, like an old garment, the
instant I quit my shop-board? Shall I, who
am not only a man, but a man of consequence;
not only a man of consequence, but a man of
importance; not only a man of importance, but
a man of valour; not only a man of valour, but
a gentk-aan; not only a gentleman, but a man
of wit; be bawled after, by every shabby, rag-
ged rascal, whenever I fetch a walk with Mrs.
Snip, my daughter Dolly, or some favorite girl

Look! there goes Ship, the taylor; the ninth part of a man!" and when I mount my nag, just to take an airing in the dust of Hyde Park, like my customers, see every one turning finger post, and hear them cry-" Twig the tailor riding to Brentford!" while a wag slily contrives to make a slip of paper resembling a measure, dangle from my pocket? Shall 1, who know so well how to live, and how to live well too, be thus made weary of my life or even my livelihood, by a set of ragamufins? Poets and philosophers prate, that a bare bodkin will et us; a bare breech! I was going to say,

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but would it ouiet the demil? He

I am told, will not be cheated out of his own, like a poor tailor by his bad customers: and I should choose, since I am obliged to give long credit, to have as long allowed me as possible. They may talk of shutting off life, but I had rather shuffle through life. Conscience, they say, makes cowards of us all: but a tailor has no conscience; ergo, a tailor is no coward.— Shali I, who am a man of so many functions, submit to be thus treated, without reply? No, if they could cut me as small as cabbage, put me into the fire like my goose, freeze me into the coldness of my favorite cucumbers, or send me to hell itself, I will speak-while I am a man! The world shall hear of my ill-usage: and, if I do not experience more respect, each mother's son shall be reduced to the primitive fig-leaf apronor else I am fully deterinined to make them all pay swingingly for every article of dress they get from me, and thus, in my turn-laugh in my sleeve! Damme, who's afraid?

Song.

Composed and sung extempore, upon hearing a lady sing an Ode of Anachreon, in the original Greck,

I would the Teian bard were here,
To taste of bliss, indeed, divine;
Well might he quit the starry sphere,

To hear those liquid notes of thine.

What, though to pleasure's wildest dream,
His festive harp was often strung;
"Twas wine inspir'd the maddening there,
And frenzy mark'd the strains he sung.

And if perchance to wake the lyre,

To gentler tones his fancy strove, What could the dames of Greece inspire

Of soft or passionate in love?

Oh! could he hear those notes so gay,

And gaze on that enchanting forin,
A sweeter strain would grace his lay,
A brighter flame his bosom warm,

The warmth that Beauty's glance inspires,
Would breathe thro' each impassion'd l
And taught by Love's resistless fires,

His song would catch a grace from thine

Sweet songstress, strike the lyre again,

While captive hearts the strain approve; 'Tis sweet to hear but ah! 'tis vain To see thee and forbear to love.

Sonnets.

To SIMPLICITY.

0! I do love thee, meek SIMPLICITY! For of thy lays the lulling simpleness

THE TICKLER.

Goes to my heart, and soothes each small distress,
Distress tho' small, yet haply great to me!
"Tis true, on lady Fortune's gentlest pad
kamble on; yet, tho' I know not why,
So sad I am!--but should a friend and I
Grow cool and miff, O! I am very sad!
And then with sonnets and with sympathy
My dreary bosom's mystic woes I pail ;
Now of my false friend plaining plaintively,
Now raving at mankind in general;

But whether sad or fierce, 'tis simple all,
All very simple, meek Simplicity!

NEHEMIAH HIGGINBOTTOM,

ON A RUINED HOUSE IN A ROMANTIC
COUNTRY.

AND this reft house is that, the which he built,
Lamented Jack! And here his malt he pil'd,
Cautious in vain! These rats that sqeak so wild,
Squeak, not unconscious of their father's guilt.
Did ye not see her gleaming thro' the glade!
Belike, 'twas she, the maiden all forlorn.
What tho' she milk no cow with crumpled horn,
Yet, aye, she haunts the dale where erst she
stray'd;

And, aye, beside her stalks her amorous knight!
Still on his thighs their wonted brogues are worn,
And thro' those brogues, still tatter'd and betorn,
His hindward charms gleam an earthly white;
As when thro' broken clouds at night's high noon
Peeps in fair fragments forth the full-orb'd har-

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THE MOUNTEBANK AND THE DEVIL.

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By the side of the sea, in a village obscure, There liv'd an old fellow, nam'd Peter Boncœur, Who was free to his neighbours, and good to the poor.

Catching fish was his trade;

And all people said,

That mischief to nothing but fish he design'd:
To ev'ry thing else, he was candid and kind.

One day, as he went to the brink of the lake,
Persuading the fishes their dinners to take,
The last he intended they ever should make;
While his hooks he employ'd to their sorrow and

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And manag'd so well,

That soon to the margin the carcase was drawn;
And who should it prove, but his old neighbour

John.

Now, somehow or other, it popp'd in his head, That, in spite of his drowning, the man wasn't dead;

And, while he was thinking what means to devise,
That his friend might recover, and open his eyes,
He saw, with vexation and sorrow, no doubt,
That, in lugging him up, he one eye had put out.
However, persuaded, by what he had heard,
That the man might he living, for aught that ap-
pear'd,

A Mountebank once, it is said, at a fair,
To make the wise gentry that crowded it stare,
Protested, in spite of the Church's decree,
That whoever chose it the Devil should see.
So uncommon a sight who could think to forego?
The Devil seem'd in them, they all scrambled so!
While, with mouth very wide, an old purse, very To his cottage he took him, and there had hin
long,

bled,

Was held out by this sore'rer, and shook to the Rubb'd, roll'd on a barrel, and put into bed: So, in less than a week-to his praise be it said

throng

122

Yes, in less then a week, the poor man was as
sound,

Excepting the loss of his eye, and the wound,
As if, in his life, he had never been drown'd.
But, when John had grown able to travel about,
He felt sadly chagrin'd that his eye was put out;
And, forgetting the service his neighbour had
done him,

Went off to a Lawyer, and clapp'd a writ on him;
Talk'd much of the value of what he had lost;
That Peter must pay all the damage and cost;
And if with that sentence he did not comply,
He swore he would have his identical eye!

That Peter was vex'd, we need hardly to say;
Yet he urg'd what he could, in a moderate way;
Declar'd to the Judges, by way of defence,
That the action was wrought without malice
prepense;

That his conscience excus'd him for what he had
done;

That Fortune alone was to blame; and that
John

Might have thought himself happy, when Death

was so nigh,

To purchase his life with the loss of an eye!
That the loss of an eye was a serious affair,
Was certain; and, yet, he'd be bold to declare,
That a man who can shew but one eye in his head
Is better, by far, than a man that is dead.

In answer to all the defendant's fine pleading,
John said, he had never yet found, in his reading,
A law, or a custom, or senator sage,
A people, or nation, in whatever age,
Permitting, unpunish'd, by force or surprise,
One neighbour to put out his next neighbour's

eyes.

The Lawyers and Judges were all at a stand,
Which way to conclude on the matter in hand;
Till a half-witted fellow, who chanc'd to be there,
Undertook to decide on this weighty affair:
And cried-" Can you doubt, in a case that's so
plain?

Be guided by me, and you'll ne'er doubt again!-
"The plea of the plaintiff rests wholly on this:
In fishing him up, sirs, John takes it amiss
That Peter manoeuvred with so little skill,
So awkwardly fumbled, and manag'd so ill,
As then, with his bungling, to ruin John's look,
And put out his eye with the point of his hook.
Well! now, my Lords Judges, attend my decree:
Straightway let the plaintiff be thrown in the sea;
And if, after reposing awhile at the bottom,
He gets out, alone too, from where Peter got him,
Safe, sound, and undamag'd-why, then, 'tis
my sentence,

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Nor waiting to see if the court would adjourn,
Sneak'd out of the hall, with a hiss of disgrace,
In dread least the sentence should quickly take
place.

Grown pliant, at last, the vile cause he with-
drew;

His plea was so bad, and his friends were so few.
"Twas needless, he thought, on the cast of a die,
To venture his life, for the sake of an eye,
And concluded, 'twas better to give up the suit,
Than risk the one left, and be drowned to boot;
While Peter declar'd, if he e'er again found
His neighbour lay drowning, he'd let him ba
drown'd!

THE TWIN-BROTHERS OF MEZZO-
RANIA.

[Translated from the German.]

Amidst the extensive wilds of Africa, there lies a territory, the inhabitants of which are as numerous, and even as civilized, as the Chinese: they are called the Mezzoranians.

Two twin-brothers of this country, which is still but little known to our geographers, were enamoured of a young lady who equally favoured both. The two lovers, and the fair one chanced to meet together at the festival instituted in honour of the Sun. This festival was solemnized twice in the year; because, as the kingdom lies between the two tropics, yet somewhat more on this side the line, it has two springs and two summers. At the commencement of every spring season, this adoration is paid to the great luminary throughout all the nomes or districts of the land. It is celebrated in the open air, to denote that the Sun is the immediate cause of all the productions of nature. They make an offering to it of five small mids of frankincense, in golden dishes. Five youths, and an equal number of virgins, are named by the magistrate, to place them on

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That Peter be punish'd, and brought to repent- the altar, where they remain till the fire has

ance:

consumed them. Each of these young persons

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