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me to maintain him; and consequently, my Lord, he ish but my son-in-law." Well, Moses," rejoined Lord Mansfield, "this is the best deûnition of a son-in-law I ever heard."

MICHAEL ANGELO.-The celebrated Michael Angelo having received soine insult from one of the Cardinals of Rome, in revenge painted a most striking likeness of his enemy, and placed him among the damned, suffering the Torments of Hell. The satire had its effect.It was the topic of general admiration and merriment. The Cardinal, stung with the bitterness of the caricature, complained to his, Holiness. Pope Leo X. was too much the lover and patron of the fine arts to gratify the Cardinal's desire; and he therefore told him, that he had it not in his power to punish the lender. If," said he, "the insult had been laid in heaven, on the earth, or even in purgatory, I could perhaps have redressed you, for i have something to say in all those places; but I have no interest in hell."

Epigrams.

CALCULATION.

Says Giles, my wife and I are Two,
Yet, faith, I know not why, Sir;
Quoth Jack, you're TEN, if I speak true;
She's ONE, and you're a cYPHER.

PENETRATION.

Jack his own merit sees-this gives him pride; That he sees more than all the world beside.

RIVAL LOVERS.

pen

The following, said to be from the of the Author of Palestine, was circulated in MS. some years since in the University of Oxford. It was occasioned by the elopement and mar riage of a daughter of one of the Professors with her father's footman; the Lady, whose name was Arabella, choosing this step, rather than be constrained to receive the addresses of an elderly Gentleman, who, from a peculiarity in his gait, was nicknamed Dr. Toe:

Twixt foot-man John and Dr. Toe,
A rivalship befel;

Which should prove the favour'd beau,
To bear away the Belle.

The foot-man won the Lady's heart, And who can blame her? no man; The whole prevail'd against a part, "Twas fool-man versus Toe-man.

ON A LAME BEGGAR.

I am unable, yonder beggar cries,
To stand or move-if he says true, helyes.

ON A NOTORIOUS LIAR, Expressing a wish to learn the Violin.

Why should my friend to harp or lute,
Or violin aspire?

Still play what doth thy powers suit-
(And well thou can'st)-the liar (lyre.)
C. POPE.

Epitaphs.

Some of the inhabitants of the parish where Butler, the celebrated Author of Hudibras, was interred, understanding that so famous a man was buried in their church, and regretting that neither stone nor inscription recorded the event, raised a subscription for the purpose of erecting something to his memory; accordingly, an elegant tablet has been put up in the portico of the church, bearing a medallion of that great man, which was taken from his monument in Westminster Abbey.

The following Lines were contributed, by Mr. O'Brien, and are engraved beneath the medallion.

A few plain men, to pomp, and pride unknown, O'er a poor bard have rais'd this humble stone, Whose wants alone his genius could surpass, Victim of zeal! the matchless Hudibras.

What though fair freedom suffer'd in his page,
Reader, forgive the author for his age.
How few, alas! disdain to cringe and cant,
When 'tis the mode to play the sycophant.

But, oh! let all be taught, from Butler's fate,
Who hope to make their fortunes by the great,
That wit and pride are always dang'rous things,
And little faith is due to courts or kings.

The erection of the above Monument was the occasion of this very good Epigrum by Mr. S. Wesley.

Whilst Butler (needy wretch) was yet alive,
No gen'rous patron would a dinner give,

See him when starv'd to death and turn'd to dust,
Presented with a monumental bust.

The Poet's fate is here in emblem' shown-
He ask'd for bread, and he receiv'd a stone.

It is worth remarking, that the Poet was starving, whilst his Prince, Charles II. always carried a Hudibras in his pocket.

The insøription on his Monument in the Abbey is as follows:

SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF

SAMUEL BUTLER,

Who was born at Strensham, in Worcestershire, 1612, and died at London, 1680; a man of uncommon learning, wit, and probity; as admirable for the produce of his genius, as unhappy in the rewards of them. His satire exposing the hypocrisy and wickedness of the rebels, is such an inimitable picce, that as he was the first, he may be said to be the last writer in his peculiar manner. That he, who, when living, wanted almost every thing, might not after death, any longer want so much as a tomb, John Barber, Citizen of London, erected this Monument, 1721.

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Of B. G. CHEMIST,

A man who, in his earthly Laboratory,
Pursued various Processes to obtain
Arcanum Vitæ, or

The secret to live;
Also Aurum Vitæ, or

The art of Getting, not of Making Gold.
Alchemist like, he saw

All his Labour and Protection,
As Mercury in the Fire, evaporate in
Fumo.

When he Dissolved to his First Principles,
He Departed as Poor

As the Last Drops of Alembra, Though fond of Novelty, he carefully avoided The Fermentation, Effervescence, and Decrepitation of this life; Full seventy years his Exalted Essence Was Hermetically Sealed in its Terrene Maldrass:

But the Radical Moisture being Exhausted, The Elixir Vitæ spent,

And Exisecated to Acuticle,

He could not Suspend Longer in his Vehicle, But Precipitated Gradation,

Per Campanam,

To his Original Dust.

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HAMPTON RIDWARE, STAFFORDSHIRE.

Underneath lies the body of THOMAS ALLESTRE, M. A. Late rector of this parish, and prebendary Litchfield, who was a minister of the Church of England 54 years. He composed 500 sermons, and preached above 5000 times. He died the 30th day of June, 1715, in the seventy-eighth year of his age.

Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord.

CHELSEA HOSPITAL

Here lies WILLIAM HISELAND,

A veteran, if ever soldier was,
Who merited well a pension,

If long service be a merit,

Having served upwards of the days of man; Ancient, but not superanuated;

Engaged in a series of wars,

Civil as well as foreign,

Yet not maimed or worn out by either,
His complexion was fresh and florid,
His health hale and hearty,
His memory exact and ready,
In stature

He exceeded the military size,
In strength

He surpassed the prime of youtIt!
And

What rendered his age still more patriarchal,
When above an hundred years old!

He took unto him a wife.
Read, fellow-soldiers, and reflect;
That there is a spiritual warfare,

As well as a warfare temporal.

SAID TO BE IN

HERTFORD CHURCH YARD.

WOMAN.

Grieve not for me, my dearest dear, I am not dead but sleeping here; With patience wait, prepare to die, And in a short time you'll come to I.

MAN

I am not griev'd, my dearest life; Sleep on, I've got another wife; Therefore I cannot come to thee, For I must go to bed to she.

FROM A CEURCH-YARD IN WILTS

ON A YOUNG LADY,
Who died aged 16.

See from the earth the faded lily rise;

It springs, it blows, it flourishes, and dies; So this fair flower, scarce blossom'd for a day, Short was the bloom and carly the decay.

ON THE KING OF PRUSSIA.

Bern the Ist of August, 1620, died the 16th of He every human talent inisemployed, February, 1732, aged 112.

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And men at once delighted and destroyed;
Savage in action, but a sage in rhyme,
Each virtue sung, and practised every crime;
The scorn of Venus, but of Mars the pride,

He filled his country and the world with strife,'
Thousands for him in honour's bed have died,
But from his own not one e'er sprung to life.
*Said to have been written by Voltaire.

Gleanings.

CURIOUS RENCONTRE BETWEEN A GENTLEMAN AND A BEAR.

(From "Oriental Field Sports.")

A Gentleman who was proceeding post to Midnapore, found his Palankeen suddenly put down, or rather dropped, without much ceremony or regard to its contents, by the bearers, who as abruptly took to their heels in various directions. On putting his head out to ascer tain the cause of so unpleasant a circumstance, . the Gentleman discovered a half-grown Bear smelling about the machine. Bruin no sooner saw the traveller, than he boldly entered at one side, and, as the Palankeen was of the old fashion, with an highly arched bamboo, be could not be opposed. The Gentleman thought it necessary to relinquish his situation in favour of his shaggy visitor, who with as little ceremony as he had entered, passed through, following the Gentleman with some very sus

picious hints, such as barking and champing of the teeth. After some manœuvres on both sides, a close action commenced, in which either party at times might claim the victory. The bearers had collected themselves on a high spot, whence they could have an excellent bird's-eye view," of the battle; but whether from prudence, or impelled by curiosity to ascertain what would be the result of an engagement between an English Gentleman and a Bengal Bear, all kept aloof from the combatants. As the chances varied, so did the bearers express their approbation-applauding each as he seemed by his superiority to merit their plaudits. When the Gentleman chanced to have the upper hand, they cheered him with "sawbash saheb," i. e. well done master; and when the Bear became lord of the ascendancy, they paid the just tribute to his exertions with "sawbash bauloo," i. e. well done Mr. Bear. Now and then an interjectory wan! wan! expressive of the highest admiration, was uttered with no small emphasis, indiscriminately as it might in justice be merited by either party.

Fortunately the Gentleman succeeded, and, after receiving many desperate wounds, throttled the bear. When the contest was over, the bearers returned, and after overwhelming their master with compliments, bore him on his journey. On their arrival at the next stage, the bearers were all taken into custody, and the magistrates, according to the laudable custom prevalent in India, where offences are punished without very nicely examining the exact spot and hour of perpetration, bestowed on each of the critics a hearty chastisement in the market-place, while the applauding crowd of spectators did not fail, at each turn of the instrument, to repeat "sawbash saheb;" and when pain induced the culprits to writhe, in hopes to evade the whip, others would ironically exclaim, sambash bauloo."

R.E

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seeing he was a stranger, “how did you like mistress's lammy pie last night" Excellent," replied he; it was the best lamb I ever tasted." "Lord love ye!" replied John, “it was not that; lammy pie is not made of lamb!""Why, what the devil was it then?" exclaimed the horrified traveller. "Why our poor kiddy, to be sure" replied the other, which did yesterday of the shab!"-The above story te minds us of the host and the muleteer in a Spanish inn, where the latter says, “ Methinks mine host, the kid you gave us at supper, had something of an unsavory smell in it; it did, as it were, stink most abominably." not well how that could be, Signor," (replies mine host) "for I have bestowed wondrous pains upon it these three weeks past to keep it

sweet.

· CORNISH LAMMY PIE.--The Cornish people, (says Mr. Warner, in his late tour) you know are remarkably fond of pies; indeed they have a proverb expressive of this partiality : “ If a Cornish man were to catch the devil, he would · put him into a pie." A cockney traveller, who had a mind to see the world, strayed down as far as Saint Ives in his tour; he entered a public house in the evening, and called for supper. "Have you any beef for a steak?" No.' Any veal for a cutlet?" "No.""Any mutton for a chop?" "No."-"What, no meat?" No, an please your honor, except a nice lammy pie, which was baked today." The traveller, ravenous as the grave, licked his chops at the prospect of so nice a thing as a cold lamb pie, and ordered it up. Hunger was his sauce; he ate heartily, and ON relished bis meal exceedingly. He passed the night in horrors, but had no idea that they arose from the indigestible quality of his supper, till morning. Well, sir," said the hostler,

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Hymn.

TO THE OMNIPOTENT,

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I know

Lord of universal Nature,
God of every living creature,
Light of morning-shade of ever-
King of Ocean, Earth, and Heaven,-
Whilst I prostrate bow before thee,
Toach my spirit to adore thee!

Soul of love and source of pleasure,
Mine of every richer treasure,—
King of tempest,-storm, and shower,
Ruler of each secret power,
Whilst for favour I implore thee,
Teach my spirit to adore thee!

Spring of river,-lake, and fountain,
Piler of the rock and mountain,
Breath of animal creation,
Life of varied vegetation,-
Whilst I prostrate bow before thee,
Teach my spirit to adore thee!

First and last. Eternal Being,-
All pervading, and all seeing,
Centre of divine perfection,—
Whence the planets learn subjection,—
Whilst for favour I implore thee,
Teach my spirit to adore thee!

Empromptus.

PASSING UNDER THE STERN, OF THE GORGON MAN OF WAR.

Terrific name! who dares come near thee?
E'en friends, as well as foes will fear thee.

Gorgon, thy enemies will cry,

And from thy winged bullets fly;
Whilst friends thy name will backward read,
And from thy thirsty bark recede;

For thus exclaims each waggish dog,
I'll board no ship, where there's no-grog.

in the year 1789.-"This is to inform my friends and customers, that on Saturday next this newspaper will be sold for a penny, and to be continued at that price; but advertisements will still be taken in gratis, an formerly. The reason of my raising it to a penny is, because the number I print is too

ON MR. OWEN'S PLAN FOR THE RELIEF prodigious great to be given away any

OF THE POOR.

They say that the present distress and starvation, Are brought on the poor, by the debt of the nation;

longer; and I hope none of my customers will think it dear in a penny, since they shall always have the best intelligence, be

sides other diversions."

GODEAU, Bishop of Venice, used to say, And yet, when in want of house, clothing, to correct his Works, an Author's Purgathat to compose, was an Author's Heaven;

and beef,

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MISFORTUNE OF BEING UGLY. (From the Portuguese of M. D. Oliveira).

A girl was on the point of being hanged at Vienna; her youth and beauty made a great impression upon the heart of one of the spectators, who was a Neapolitan, a middle aged man, but excessively ugly. As he had but a few moments to make up his mind, he ran immediately to the place of execution, and declaring his intention to marry the criminal, demanded her pardon, according to the custom of the country.The pardon was granted, on condition that the girl was not averse to the match. He accordingly addressed her in these terms: "Madame, I am a Gentleman of some property, and I now wish, for the first time, that I were a King, only that I might offer you a stronger proof of my attachment." -"Alas! Sir," replied the girl, "I am fully sensible of your affection and generosity; but I am not mistress over my own heart, and I cannot belie my sentiments. Unfortunately, they control my fate, and I prefer the death with which I am threatened, to marrying so ugly a fellow as you are!"— The Neapolitan retired in confusion, and the woman directed the executioner to do his office.

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NEWSPAPERS.-The following advertisement, is copied verbatim from an old Norwich paper, printed by Henry Crosgrove,

tory; but to correct the Press, an Author's hell.

SNUG NOTION OF FIDELITY.-At a shoemaker's in the neighbourhood of St. Martiu's, there is written over the door,"Ladies' Men wanted-Constant in Winter.”

ORIGIN OF KISSING.- -The "Vir illustrisimus," Doctor Pierins Winsemius, Historiogra pher to their High Mightinesses the States of Friesland, informs us, in the second book of his Chronijck van Frieslandt, printed at Franecker, by Jan Lamcincke, 1662, that the pleasant custom of Kissing was utterly unpractised and unknown in England (just as it is this day in New Zealand, where sweethearts only know how to touch noses when they wish to be kind) until the fair Princess Ronix, the daughter of King Hengist, of Friesland, pressed the beaker with her lipkens, i. e. little lips, and saluted the amorous Vortigern with a kusjen, i. e, a little kiss, according, as Dr. Pierius quotes, “to the practice of our (Frisick) nation." From this period, continues Dr. Pierius Winsemius, the aforesaid custom of kissing was adopted in Britain; so that the learned Erasmus Rotterdamus many ages after, found occasion to praise the whole land on account thereof.

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A Fox was caught a few weeks since, in a steel trap, in Abbott's Ripton Wood, in Huntingtonshire, which had a handsome collar round its neck, on which was engraved"John Jackson, Esq. Godmanchester, 1784."

The Limerick Chronicle says, "At our Sessions, this week, a coincidence of names in a case of trial, rather curious, occurred, and is worth recording:-A man of the name of Kidd was prosecuting a man of the name of Wolfe, for an assault; and as it was necessary to have corroborative testimony, a man named Lamb was produced to give testimony against Wolfe. On winding up the affair, the ferocity of the Wolfe, in his attack upon the Kidd, was so glaring, that the Jury (of which a Crow was the Foreman) immediately pronounced a conviction."

IRISH EVIDENCE.-During a trial at the Carlow Assizes, on the 29th ult, on an indictment for stealing 30lbs. of tobacco, the follow

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