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and in the end prevailed. The dean, whose live, but do not begin to live themselves till soul was the seat of compassion, now felt and they are dead. On the contrary, I paint the was determined to alleviate her misery:~He living, and they make me live." It is very well every moment expected the servant to enter known that Sir Godfrey Kneller and Jervas 2* * wich the paper; but to his surprise and indig were rivals in the art of portrait-painting; at tion, an hour elapsed, and the man did not least Sir Godfrey was weak enough to look on present it. The day was cold and wet, and the Jervas with a jealous eye, for Jervas kept his wretched petitioner still retained her station, carriage and four horses, and lived in a higher in with many an cloynent and anxious look at the style than Kneller One day, at a dinner parhouse. 'l'he benevolent divine lost all patience, ty, some person saw Jervas passing along the ansil and was going to ring the bell, when lie obe road, and informed Kveiler of it, as also of the eyes served his servant cross the street, and return
pomp which a companied him. “Ah! ah!" the
paper with the utmost suing froid and in- said Sir Godfrey, By Got, if his horses draw real difference.-Rightly judging the case, hio threw him no better dan he draw himself
, hewill never up the sash, and demanded loudly what the get to his journey end.” The town residence paper containeel
. " It is a petition, please your of Sir Golfrey Kneller was in Bow-street, Coreverence,” replied the woman. Bring it up, vent-garden, and he had, for his next door rascal,” cried the enraged dean. The surprised neighbour, the celebrated Dr. Radcliffe
. Kneland petrified servant obeyed. With Swift, to ler was fond of flowers, of which he had a beauknow was to pity;--to pity to believe. The tiful variety, and the Doctor having the same poor woman was instantly made happy,--and taste
, obtained leave to open a door into the the servant almost as instantly turned out of Painter's garden. The Physician's household doors
, with the following written testimonial being badly governed, his servants took unbe of his conduct :-" The bearer lived two years coming liberttes on the premises of Knelin my service, in which time he was frequently ler, who made many fruitless complaints to drunk, and negligent of his duty, which, con their master. The evil still continuing in spite ceiving him to be honest
, I excused; but at last, of every remonstrance, SirGodfrey sent his man detecting him in a flagrant instance of cruelty, one day, to let Radcliffe know that he should } discharged him.” Such was the consequence be obliged to brick up the passage; to which of this paper, that, for seven years, the fellow the cynic replied, with his accustomed asperity, was an itinerant beggar; after which, the dean "Let him do what he will with the door, ex. forgave him; and in consequence of another cept painting it!” The servant was at first paper equally singular, he was hired by Mr. unwilling to communicate the exact language you Pope, with whom he lived till death removed of the answer, but Kneller insisted on knowing him.
it, and retorted— Did my good friend say so? MARSHAL Villars, upon the death of the Den go back, and tell him from me, I will take Duke of Vendome, in Lewis the 14th's time, any ting from him but physic.” was made Governor of Provence in his room; and when the marshal went to take possession of his new government, the deputies of the province made him a present of a purse full of
Bon Mots. louis d'ors; but the person who had the honor to present it, said to him, “Here, my lord, is A late Attorney-General receiving a client, such anotier purse as that we gave to the Duke who was intimate with him, in his library, the of Vendome, when, like you, he came to be Gentleman expressed surprise at the number of our governor; but the prince, after accepting it wigs that were hanging up. “ Yes; there are as a testimony of our regard for him, very ge- several (replied the Barrister.) That (pointing nerously returned it."-Oh!” cried Villars, to a scratch) is my cominon business wig; that squeezing the purse into his pocket, “Monsieur my Chancery wig; that my House of Lords Vendome was a most surprising man; he has wig; and that my Court wig;' not left his fellow behind him."
, where is your honest man's wig?" ALEXANDER AND The Pirate.---Alexan- (replied the Lawyer) that's not professional." der demanded of a pirate, whom he had taken,
An Irishman purchased the sixteenth of a “ By what right he infested the seas?" “ By lottery-tieket, for which, as they were very the same right," replied he boldly, that you high, he paid a guinea and a half. In a few enslave the world. But I am called a robber, days it came up å twenty pound prize, and on because I had only one small vessel; and you application at the lottery-office, he received are stiled a conqueror, because you command three and twenty shillings for his share.great fleets and arniies.” This reply of the pin “Well, (says Pat) I'm glad it's no worse; as rate furnished ample scope for reflection; for it it was but'a twenty pounds, I have only loss is , we apprehend, an undeniable truth, that we eight
shillings and sispence; but if it had been too often judge of men by the splendor and not a twenty thousand, I must have been ruined." by the merit of their actions.
A player performing the Ghost in Hamlet Sir GODFREY KNELLER.--The reason Knel. very badly, was hissed; after bearing it a good Jer gave for not painting historical subjects was while
, he put the audience into good humous, this :- The painters of history make the dead by stepping forward and saying " Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am extremely sorry that my he hall any private or pullie letters to humble endeavours to please are unsuccessful; write, or any other dispatches to rak?, he but if you are not satisfied, I must give up the doth it before he stirs from his chamber;
then comes he abroadl, and goes to his stables, As the establishment of volunteer corps, a
if it be no sermon-day, to see some of his certain Corporation agreed to forin a boils, on gentlemen or pages, (of whose loreedingle condition that they should not be obliged to
is very careful) ride the great horse. le is quit the country. Their proposal was submitted ve y accessible to any that have business to Ble. Pirt, who said, he had no objection to
with him, and sheweth a winning kind of fithe terms, if they would permit him to add, miliarity, for lie will shake hands with the sexept in the case of invasion."
mcanest boor of the country, and he sciDr. Franklin used pleasantly to repeat an
doin hears any conemander or gentleman for observation of his negro servant, when the twelve, and liis table is free for all comers,
with his bat on: he dines punctually about doctor was making the tour of Derbyshire, but none under the degree of a captain Lawashire, &c.—“Every ting, massa, xork
useth to sit down at il: after dinner he stars Ek in this country; water work; wind work; tire
in the room a good while, and then any one Et vork; snoke work; dog work; (he had bedom fore noticed the last at Bath) man work; may accost him, and se'l his tale: then he
retires to his chamber, wiere he answers all les ballock work; horse work; ass work; every - ting work here but the hug; he eat, he drink, petitions that were delivered him is lie bir she sleep, he do nothing all day, he walk about morning, and towards the evening, if lie
goes not to council, which is seldo, be ende like a gentleman.
goes either to make surle visits, or to take The grand jury of the county of Tipperary, the air abroad; and according to this conbin Ireland, had lately under consideration the stant method he passeth his life":-!lowers 22.99 propriety of building a new county goal, and Lellers ; June, 1619. no came to the following resolutions, which were Tue SLOVEN.-*** Ile was always re
published in the newspapers.--Ist. Resolved, markable for his slovenly appearance and 1000 that the present gaol is insufficient, and that disregard of dress. On one occasion, when dar another ought to be built-2nd. Resolved, invited by a noble relative to meet a person date that the materials of the old gaol be employer of high official distinction, ia Ireland, at *****in constructing the new one.
2.-31. Resolvedl, dinner, the nobleman, aware of his nephew's mat that the old gaol shall not be taken down until negligence in this particular, ventured to Se the new one be finished.
hint he must come dressed. He was in conMiss Somerville, the actress, though play- sequence busily employed at his loilet, when ing by her maiden name, is married to a Mr. a servant announced that a friend had cat Benn. In allusion to this appellation, and led in his carriage to take him whither he her recent dispute with Miss O'Neill, the was going. He hastened himself accordingnewspapers, not inaptly, remarked, that by ly, but instead of putting on his dress silk her anger and disappointment, she reminded stockings, stuffed them into his pocket, and them of a hot crossd Bun !!!
hurrying down the stairs, got into his friend's conveyance. When they arrived at the nobleman's door, he remarked that he had
been desired to come dressed, and thought Characters.
himself very smart. At this moment, ove of the silk stockirgs appeared hanging half
way out of his pocket, and he exhibited the Parce of Orance.—“This prince, (Mlau- singular appearance of being in a hill court tice, was cast in a mould suitable to the temper dress with a very dirty pair of worsted of this people ; he is slow and full of wariness, bose. Fortunately he had time to reand not without a mixture of fear ; I do pair his inadvertence, by retiring to a prinot mean pusillanimous, but politic fear: vate room, and adjusting his habilimente. he is the most constant in the quotidian Upon another occasion, no less important course and carriage of his life, of any that than that of attending one of the state-diuT have ever heard or read of; for whosoever ners of the Speaker of the House of Comknows the customs of the Prince of Osalige. mons, our friend, as was indeed usually the may tell what he is a doing here every hour case, finding himself too late, and nol being of the day, though he be in Constantinople. able to divest himself very easily of his In the morning" he awaketh about six,' in fashionable leather-breeches, drew over them si muer, and seven, in winter ; the first a thin pair of black silk. In the progress of ting be doth, he sends one of his grooms, the evening, however, the leuthers, deter or pages, to see how the wind sits, and he mining to preserve their ascendancy, worked a cari or leaves off'his waistcoat accordingly; themselves down a considerable way below thea be is about an hour dressing hiin- the black silk, till they attracted universal self, and about a quarter of an hour in bis potice, and excited general mirth.-(sexcloset ; tben comes in the secretary, and if agerlurian.)
UPON THE DEATH OF CHARLES THE
To A LADY WITH AN EXPOSED BOSOM,
WHO WORE A KEY AS A BROOCH.
Great, good, and just! could I but rate
Quoth a wild wag, “It seems to nie
Quite odd !--Do stop and mind it! To lock the door, and hang the key
Where every fool may find it." “Hush !" was the answer, “ 'tis a joke,
And by this token known: -
The door's wide open thrown."
By bars and bolts confin'd; One Paradise, let Cynthia tcach,
Is free to human kind.
ON THE DOCTRINE THAT TRUTH IS
• Make known your rrongs?'—"Away! poor
tool: I swear all truth's a libel.” “Ali, me, the error's of my school!
But say, then-nhat's the Bible?”
Death long had wish'd within his reach,
A poring wight, who being wed, Was always reading in his bed, His wife address'd with gentle look, And said, “I would I were a book!" “Why so, good dame?" the sage replied. « Bocause you'd love me then,” she cried. • Why, that might be," he straight rejoin'de “But 'twould depend upon the kind“ An Almanack, for instance, dear," To have a new one every year."
[Three of the following Epitaphs are taken from very old and soarce rolumes. — Perhaps the intelligent Reader will concur with us in the opinion that they are not allogether unworthy of re-publicution in the Nineteenth Century. I
My thanks I'll no longer delay,
For birds which you've shot with such skill; But though there was nothing to pay,
Yet each of them brought in a bill. I mean not, my friend, to complain,
The matter was perfectly right; And when bills such as these come again,
I'll always accept them at sight.
ORTHE DEATH OFASCOTCH NOBLEMAN.
Fame, register of Time,
Write in thy scroll, that I,
Of wisdom lo ver, and sweet poesy, Was cropped in my prime; And ripe in work, though green in years, did die.
Whence has this mighty bustle sprung,
Ox THE SHAKSPEAREAN JUBILEE,
O'er the dust of the dead, laurel bays, freely Reaptectfully inscribed to the Stewarıls and Com
spread, mittee of the Anniversary Festival, celebrated Crown his tomb with all dne veneration. is Commemoration of the Second Century from Thrice bless'd be the isle which to Shakspeare the Deuth oj WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE.
gave birth, BY MR. BISSET.
Thrice bless'd be Ayona's soft stream,
Thrice blessed be Warwick's fam«d shire, where "O! thou Goddess,
the Bard Thou DIVINE NATURE, how thyself thou blazonest Lo this most wonderful and matchless child."
“On the ines more than inortal would dream."
Thrice hallow'd the spot of the Bard's humble cot, To lavor a child, on whose mind DivINE NATURE, Turice honour'd be NATURE, wlio gave
Stamp'd all that was rich and was rare; Such rare gifts to the man, who of Bards led the At kis birth, Jove commanded this innocent crea
Rever'd be bis cradle and GRAVE!!! Should be nurs'd in an isle free and fair.
* It is a remarkable circumstance, that Shaks. The Muses' and Graces' intelligent faces
peare died on the same day of the year in which Beam'd bright when they heard Jove's com he was born.-Aged 52.
mand, To Britain they flew, for Old England they knew
Just Censure. Was ordain'd as the thrice happy Land.
WRITTEN ON A WINDOW AT AN INX, Trim Mercury, plum'd head and feet, shew'd his
UNDER SOME INFAMOUS VERSES. zeal, To conduct them from regions on high; When Dryden's elown, unknowing what he Whilst Iris her pinions display'd bead and heel,
sought, Who were honour'd as guides through the sky; His hours in whistling spent, for want of thought, Vear that fam'd spot of earth, where a Shaks. The guiltless fool his vacancy of sense peare had birth,
Supplied, and anıply too, by innocence. They alighted by Avon's soft stream,"
Did modern swains, possess ‘d of Cymos's pow'rs, Where they found the dear chill, who in extacy In Cyson's manner waste their weary hours, smil'd,
Th'indignant tray 'ller would not blushing see As he lay on its banks in a dream.
This chrystal pane disgrac'd by infamy!
Severe the fate of modern fools, alas!
Like pois nous vermin, o'er the whiten’d wall, Jove's messenger spoke! from his slumbers heThe filthi they leavestill points out where they
crawl. woke, Then in accents romantic, yet mild,
WRITTEN ON A WAINSCOT. With his hands on bis breast, his best thanks he express'd,
O wretched wainscot, bound t'receive, There lisping his first "wood notes wild.”
Such wit as blockheads choose to leave!
Which still must boar, whoe'er indites 'em, As in stature he grew, be in wisdom advanc'd,
Lines heavier than the lead that writes 'em! To such height as no Bard ever soar'd;
Let them write on, the wainscot cries, Round new mystic orbs his bright fantasy danc'd,
Thank heav'n, I've neither ears nor eyes; “He the regions of fancy explor'd."
And for their wit, I'd rather bear it, As a comet on earth, from the time of his birth,
Than sit, like you, to read or hear it: To the day of his death he's accounted;
Besides, to cure me of all sorrow, Al nations agree, "we shall ne'er his like see,"
My friend, the dish-clout, comes 10-morrow.
A YEAR IN LONDON.
on the authority of a short residence, takes crowd of waiters who were clearing away. upon himself to describe and to expose our Oranges and nuts were brought, which my peculiarities. A little volume entitled, “ A companions below often pillaged before they Year in London," gives the following account arrived at their destination; at last, after his of a public Tavern Dinner:
ving been squeezed, pushed, and elbowed, Few days pass in London without public for half an hour, we succeeded in obtaining L'inners. Our traveller acquainted a Portu some seats in the middle of the room, each guce Jev, long established in London, of having his bottle between his knees and glass ile desire le had to make one at this kind of in his hand. After every health one of the entertainment, “ Nothing is so casy. How do singers amused the company with a song, a you see Westminster Abbey?” I pay a shilling pause of some minutes ensued and the same at every door they open for me.
How do thing was repeated. you see St. Paul's, the Tower, the Crown
Nothing can be more ridiculous than this Jewels ?"_" The same way: 1 pay.” You narrative he certainly never found ox-tails see, then, in London, you have only to pay; swimming in mock-turile. That at tavern you must, however, take care to have your diuners vegetables are boiled plain is true-but naine put down two days before, for decency's in what society, of the very lowest order, sake, that you may not have the appearance could he see boiled fowl, roasi beef, bam, &r. of going to a Table d'Hote; but I will &c. all heaped together in one plate? He goes put you down for one that is to take place on to say, that oysters are only eaten in Lonto-morrow.”
don at suppei-except on one day in the year, Each having paid 15s. entrance, says our that is the fir-t day of their arrival" then all trareller, we were introduced into a large din- the world eat tiem, because there is an universal ing room, surrounded by tables that were only popular prejudice that enting oysters on the covered with a cloth; tliere were at the top of first day will bring them gooil fortune througlio the room about six vacant places, but we were out the year!” This is the first we ever heard told they were for the singers; twelve or fifteen of such a prejudice. persons, who, like ourselves, had arrived a little too late, walked about in the middle of the room. At length we were invited into
Miscellanies. another room, much less than the first, and where tables were set in the same inanner to ac
Danger of Delis.- ita parish church not cominodate about 10 persons.
A waiter brought soup and a heap of plates; he who peared one morning to be married; but, in
many iniles from Liverpool, twelve couple apwas nearest took posesivn, and distributed it to those nearest him, before a second tureen
consequence of the sudden indisposition of the was placed at the other end of the table, and Clergynuan, the weddings were obliged to be that also disappeared before the arrival of Mlinister was in regular attendance the fola
postponed till the next day. Accordingly the a third, This soup is called mock turtle, that lowing day, at the same hour, when out of is, pieces of calfs' bcad and ox tails floating those twelve couples, only seven male their in the water in which they are dressed, and has no fiavour but peper, which had not been has been put off sine dic.
appearance. The marriage of the rutiainer Spared. Soon after the table was covered
An Irish GRICE,- In Trish se f-ianght poet, with a profusion of roast and boiled meat, and every one began to link at the same time being asked to say grace orrr a very suiilluinee and vegetables boiled in water, the only of beef and a few potatoes, riter of the sauce given them in this country, I had dwartish size, pronounced it thus extempore: hardly finished my plate of mock turtle, when 0! thou that bless'd the loaves and fishes, it was loaded with a wing of a boiled fowl; an Look down upon these liro poor dishes: enorinous piece of roast beet, a ative of hot ham,
And though the lalocs are but small, a patatee, two carrots, and leaves of boiled,
Oi make them lurge egough for all; Lu: not chopped spinach, compleated the py
For if they do our bellies fill, rond. No one thonght of drinking, for the
"Twill be a kind of miracle. Englih in general are not thirsty till no longer hungry; in about a quarter of an hour A celebrated Wit, having heard from a gonthey cleared away, and put down apple tarts, tleman at table the quotation from Pope, in comparison of which our village pastry are
honest man's the noblest work of God;" indie models of excellence, some salads eaten with answer,“ Yes, that may possibly be truc, but ont seasoning, and cheese to which some it is a piece of workmanship that nobody ever added mnstard and salt; they then placed saw complete.” before each guest a bottle of red wine, or sher Bills IN CHANCERY.-Whether Law has its ry, as he preferred; hardly was this done, pleasures; and if it hath, what, and how many when five or six persons rose from the table, they are; and if not, why not?-Such of our carrying in one hand their glass, in the other Readers as may doubt the propriety of this form their bottle; every one imitated them, I fol- of interrogation, and may not have read a Bill lowed and did as the others, and we found in Chancery, We refer to the tiles of the Court, purselves in the great room, shoved by a where they will find much entertainment.-