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There is a humorous account current among
The following is the origin of making porthe Profession, of a bill filed against an arebis sons suspected of murder, touch the murdered text, for the building of a gramary, so def.c. boily, for the discovery of their guilt or innotirely, that a great quantity of rats got in and cence. “ This way of living out murilerers was
up the corn. It first charges--that divers, practised in Denmark, by King Charles the Seto wit, 100.000 rats, 100,000 mice, 100,000 cond, and permitted all over hiis kingdoin; the grey rats, 100,00) black rats, 100,000 white occasion whereof was this: "Certain pentlemen mice, and 100,000 grey inice, together with being one creuing together in a store, fell ont divers, to wit, 100.000 daw mice, through among themselves, and from woris came to divers holes
, chinks, crannies, apertures, and blows, (the candles being put ont) inomade other places
, did pererrate, insinate them that one of them was stübbel with a poignarl. selves, gaiu admission, and get into the said. Now the murderer was unknown, by reason of barn, &c.; and then it requires, in the interro- the number; althongh the gentlemen accused gatories to the said bil, that the said defenl. a pursuivant of the king's of it, who was one ant should, in his answer, more particularly of them in the stove. The king, to find out answer and set forth, whether any, and what the homicide, caused them all to come together number of rats, wire, and dawmice', (ringing in the stove; and standing all around the the changes on cach as above) did get in, corpse, he commanded that they should, one through the said chinks ani crannies, or other atter another, lay their right hand upon the wise, and eat up and consume, any, and what slain gentleman's heart, swearing they had not quantity of the corn and grain therein being; killed him: they did so, and no sign appeared and if not, why not? &c.
against them; the pursuivant only remained, DissoLETION OF MARRIAGE MADE EASY,-
who, condemned before in his constiente, went Dean
when residing on a living in tirst of all and kissed the dead mın's feet; but the country, had occasion one day to unite a
as soon as he laid his land on lois heart, the rustic couple in the holy bands of matrimony. blood' gushed forth in abundance, both out of The ceremony being over, the husband began his wound and nostrils, so that vrgred by the 80“ pull in resolution," and falling (as some
evident accusation, he confessed the murder, husbands night do) into a tit of repentance, he and was, by the king's own sentence, imesaid, “ Your Reverence has tied this knot diately beheaded." tightly, 1 fancy; but, under favor, may I ask Spy or IX FORMER.--Mouchard is the French Four Reverence, if so be you could untie it word for an informer or spy, derived fro.n the again?" –" Why no," replied the Dean, " we word vouche, a tły, in the same language, be kerer do that at this end of the Church; but I'll cause this insect will buzz round you, sip ont tell you how you may manage it.”—“ How ?” of your glass, fred on your plate, sting you, and cried the mani, eagerly. By just stepping suik your blood the first opportunity. to the other end of the Church," said the Dean,
Fesale CHARACTER. Courngr, -- Fortipointing to the beliry, “ you'll find a rope, and tude. — History recoris numerous instances of may do it yourselt.
courage and fortitude that would appear inereTHE ORIGINAL OLD Bags. A collector of dible, did not succeeding ages couirm the tes anecdotes of illustrious personages mentionstimony of past enlurance, by alucing instances that the great Lord Chancellor Bacon was re of the present. It has been disputed whether duced to such extreme poverty, towards the greater heroisin is displayed by an act of die batter end of his life, that he wrote to Kingtinguished courage, by bolilly braviny, knowa James the first for assistanıe, in these sup- and positive danger, or by resolute fortitude in plicating terms :—" Help me, dear Sovereign enduring continued and severe suffering. The Lord and Master; and pity me so far, that 1, former is said to be a masculine, the latter a who have been born to carry a buys, be not feminine quality :- yet there are many examples How, in
forced to carry a wallet." of women,--timid, delicate women-evincing DEGRADATION OF A PRIME MINISTEB.--His undannted courage; and assureilly, cireuniChinese Majesty has lately displaced and dle stances may exist in which such courage door graded Sung '1'a-jin, his Prime Minister, be not at all trench upon the just boundaries of cause he presumed to advise him not to visit female delicacy. Without advocating an upcertain tombs of his ancestors, and had inti- necessary or ostentatious display of courage in mated that a great drought, then prevailing, a woman, yet, if duty or honour exact the sawas occasioned by the Emperor'sintention. This crifice--it
, at once, combating with fier clread was deemed such glaring disobedience to the of danger, and still stronger dread of censure, somitnands of bis Holy Majesty, that it was im- she slirink not froin the enterprize, -Wr conpossible not to punish it. It was therefore or rage wears a sacred foriya, hallowed by the dered, that he should be deprived of his office, sincerity of her devotion. Few charaiters offer and be reduced to wear a button of the sixth a stronger contrast than that of a delicate, rerank, and be sent to the eight standards of wan- tined woman, reclining upon hier pillowed dering shepherds at Chaha-urh. His name is couch, breathing rich perfunes, and surrounded to be retained on the books; and, if for eight with every perfection of luxury; and that of years he commit no error, he may again be the Indian whose history she is perusing, when eligible to his foriner situation.
ivandering in his western wilds, he sustaius
tortures with contemptuous indifference, whose But hush! some airy whisperer hints, very recital painfully excites horror and com
In accents wisely faint, passion.—Yet place before that very woman “ Divine Cleora rather squints: a strong stimulus-let love, honour, indepen " Maria uses paint ! dence, rouse all the slumbering energies of her mind-habituate her to long continued endurance of small evils-anticipation of greater
“ That though some fops of Celia prate, -and offer noble and powerful motives to
“ Yet be not her's the praise; triumph over her feelings; and that very wo " For, if she should be passing straight, man will emulate the courage of the savage,
“Hem! she may thank her stays. and sustain in uncomplaining silence, evils, equalin inagnitude to those which once called " Each fool of Delia's figure talks, forth all her sympthy and compassion. Cous
“ And celebrates her fame, rage is admired-Fortitude approved.—One is
“ But for my part, whene'er she walks, the moro brilliant, the other the more useful
“ I vow I think she's lame. virtue.- Man placed boldly in the front of the arena, displays his character to the world, and
“ And see Ma'am Harriet toss her head, proudly calls all the powers and energies of his mind into action.--Woman, in the back ground,
* Lawk, how the creature stares : fears lest her audience should discover qualities - “ Well, well, thank Heaven, it can't be said, which they would condemn, and is only solicit “ I give myself such airs !" ous to display such as she is assured they will approve.--In rendering our homage to female The Ode concludes with the following Stanzas : courage and fortitude, we require that they To Woman every charm was given, should be unalloyed by any vicious or ignoble Design'd by all indulgent Heaven, qualities. The Virginia of Pierre is so inte
To soften grief or care ; resting a delineation of courage, fortitude, and devoted affection, that she cannot be contem
For ye were formd to bless mankind, plated without emotion. - Madame Cottin's To harmonize and soothe the mind : Elizabeth and Matilda present equally beauti
Indeed, indeed, ye were. ful representations of the same virtues in totally opposite characters. All these heroines are
But when from those sweet lips we hear however, placed in situations too different from Ill-nature's whisper, Envy's sneer, common life to resemble the women we meot
Your power that moment dies: with,--and thus, though we enter into their Each coxcomb makes your name his sport, feelings and sympathize in their sufferings, we
And fools when angry will retort do not identify ourselves with them—we can
What men of sense despise. imagine that such beings have existed, but we du not expect to recognize them in the world,
Leave then such vain disputes as these, Towards their women, the natives of New And take a nobler road to please, – South Wales are savage and cruel in an un
Let Candour guide your way; common degree. Scarcely a single female of
So shall you daily conquests gain, the age
of maturity was ever seen without her head full of scars, the marks of her hushand's And captives, happy in your chain, kindness. The very first act of courtship is to
Be proud to own your sway. knock down the intended bride with a club, and drag her away from her friends, bleeding Rt, Hon. G. Tierney, as whose work it was for
* This composition has been attributed to the and senseless, to the woods,
merly printed in a Bath newspaper.
The God, when his wonder and wrath were going to Margate to see the fine peoabated,
ple, and to siły that she had been there. Felt truly how little the treat he had rated,
A thin pale-luced gentleman, with a well-pow
dered head, and most unmeaning face, was The' ORPHEUS was made his own chuser ;
placed next her, who I aierwards toand was " Your Sposa," he said, "sir, shall punish the her husband. The rest of the company conwrong
sisted of a young man of important air, "Of this risit, but as a reward for your song,
dressed in a green coat and hussar boots; a · I'll take care you quickly shall lose ber !"
little bustling gentleman in black, who had his share of corsetsuence also, and a lieutenant in the Navy; who altogether, with a plaindressed man, that took no notice of any body,
made up the group. Scraps.
As soon as I stepped upon deck, I made my debut, by entresting the ladies to take care of
the lines and pullies; which caution obtained THE MARGATE PACKET-THE BOATMAN me, exactly what I expected, a contemptuous A WALK UPOX DECK - MH, AND MRS. VA sneer trom ile boatman, and a broad satirical CANT-DR. VITRIOL-Mrs. PUMPKIN, &c. grin froin the Lieutenant. I was, however,
determined to establish in their minds the However rasy it may be at times to set our opinion that I justly conceived they had stres off to advantage, it is inuch easier to de- formed, by saying I should go down stuirs, preciate ourselves whenever we choose. To be for fear I should catch cold from the morning sure, the latter species of vanity is but rarely air. found, and is harmless enough in its conse At my return on deck, I seated myself next quences; yet, having no better principles than the fit Lady with the good-humoured face, dreption, it is not altogether without blaine. who, by-the-by, was the ouly one that gave There is, however, a secret satisfaction in
me the least encouragement, I told her I laughing at the important Crord; and no was afraid that I should be sea-sick, and redan can do this more effectually than he who, commended her to taste a drop of brandy, from divers circumstances, contingencies, and which I produced in a small bottle from my vicissitudes, has laid up a store of that kind pocket. I next offered the inspiring fluid to of knowledge which may be justly called the Lady opposite, who rejected it with a look materia experientia ; in short, thao he who has of ineffáble scorn. By this time, however, been upon almost every step of the ladder of the fat Lady's tongne went, as seamen call it, lite
, up and down alternately, without getting at the rate of eleven knots an hour. She told much of a fall.
me about her son Jacky, who was going Perhaps few persons could be better qualified abroad, and who she was afraid she show in this respect than myself. I had received a never see no more; that she had been very tolerable education, had been several years in bad with the rheumatise; that it was a terrible the sea-service, had studied the law, was a bit thing, før that all the sinners were drawn up of an author, something of a painter, and and that she was going to Margate to bathe knew a little of what is called the world. My good-tempered companion then inquired With this stock in trade for carrying on the the names of the sails, yards, rigging, on all business of philosophy, I arose one tine sun, which points I answered with appropriate iga fuer's morning in the month of Jaly, full of
I now completed iny character, by iety and good-humour, directed my steps to desiring the master to stop the ship for a boất Billigsgate, went in a wherry on board the that I saw making towards us, and by calling Margate packet, and took my place among # West Indiaman, laying at Long Reach, a
seventy-four gun man of war. The first object that attracted my notice in answered ıny design: the Lieutenant whis. the vessel
, was, naturally enough, the man at pered the Boatman, that I was some lubber of the holy, whose hard inflexible features set á man-milliner; and asked me signifieantly, the whole science of physiognomy at defiance. how long it was since I had last weathered thie Next to the helmsman, in the preeminence, point of Bond-street, was seated a little genteel woman, reading, the The company had now descended, to parTale of Paul and Virginia ; and on her right take of the refreshment they had respectively baad a corpulent damne, in whose round red provided ; and here I was admitted, by prodii
might discover ignorance and happi- cing some cold han and a chicken. I Hess blended together to great advantage. On addressed myself particularly to the Lady in the opposite seat was a lady of a very different the white muslin, by observing, that i description, who assumed an air of infinite shouldn't like to be a sailor; and I thought it
over the rest; she was dressed in a much pleasanter thing to be serving custowhite muslin, seldom deigned to look at
mers behind a counter, than in a storm at the people round her; and found no beauty sca. The counter proposition answered comin the rising sun, or the delightful landscape pletely; the Lady shrunk like the sensitive of the Kentish hills before her. She was plant, turned up her nose, muttered some in
distinct syllables, and scornfully averted her board, and welcomed my arrival, in the hearhead. The important gentleman in the green ing of the consequential lady, in the following coat joined conversation with the other im way: My dear George, your old friends portant Gentleman in black; and my last Colonel Morgan and Lady Maxwell are here; attempt was with the sentimental lady, of they have just sat down to dinner, and we whom I inquired, whether she had ever read will join them." His servant was ordered to Jack the Giant Killer.
take my trunk, and a blush of conscious shame I now began to find that I had got to low overspread the cheek of the Lady in the white water mark, and resolved in my own mind muslín. By this time I had discovered the to turn the tide of opinion. Luckily, as soon different conditions in life of my as we had re-ascended the deck, an opportunity sengers: offered: the fat Lady happened to ask the Mr. Vacant, a Grocer near the Haymarket. name of the main-sheet, which works the Mrs. Vacant, the Lady in the white muslin, main-boom, to the great annoyance of the Miss Williams, the sentimental Lady, a Teacher genteel passengers of a hoy: 'I answered, at a School. with an appearance of great sagacity, that it Licut. Windlass, a Navy Officer. was the jigger-tackie. I had intended to raise Mrs. Pumpkin, the fit Lady, a Market GarInyself up by degrees into estimation, but the dener's Wife jigger-tockle did the business at once; the Mr. Frizzle, the important Gentleman in Boatman gave me a leer and a wink; the Green, a Hair Dresser. Lieutenant, after consulting my face with Dr. Vitriol, the searcher for Animalculi, a some attention, took me by the hand, “I
say, great Naturalist, Chemist, Philosopher, and shipmate, none of your tricks
old travel Author. lers. I say what ship?" To this I answer'd, The important Gentleman in Black, an Amore “ The Merrydon of Dover, the largest man of ney. war in the service. Don't you remember that The Gentleman in Brown, Non Descript. a frigate sailed into one of her port-holes at Being about to take my leave, Dr. Vitriol
Torbay, and was kicked overboard by Tom gave me a card to attend hvis Lectures on ChemTightfoot, the Boatswain, who happened at the time to be dancing a horn-pipe?" This the Boatman styled me, “ Your Honour ;'
istry; the Lieutenant shook me by the hand; joke was a good trap for applau:e; the Lieu: the Gardener's Wife gave me a low courtsey; tenant handed me some bottled porter, and and the Lady in the White Muslin favoured the boatman honoured me with a grin of approbation.
me with a most graceful bow; upon which
I addressed them nearly as follows: “ Aly We had got some way beyond Gravesend, good friends, don't be displeased if I have when I discovered a new character in the hoy. amused myself a little at your expense. I This was a tall thin man, in a black coat and would have you know, that wherever we tie wig, stooping over the side of the vessel, travel we should endeavour to be pleased with drawing up buckets of sea water one after one another. All have not the same endowanother, and industriously examining the
ments of mind or fortune; but what is want. contents with a microscope. I thought this a ing of one quality is perhaps supplied by good opportunity, and putting on a learned another; and reciprocal advantages and conface, ingruired if he was not seeking for forts are created from the variety of characters animalculi; to which he politely replied, and conditions which Providence has thrown “ Yes;" and that it was a question among the together in life. In a hoy, therefore, as well learned, whether the luminous appearance of as any where else, we should bring forward our sea water at right was occasioned by nurnerous best talents and dispositions, be they what animalculi, or the viscous spawn of fish. In they inay, like our provisions, into the conthis conversation the Gentleman in the plain mon stock; there would then be something to coat joined, whom I found to be a very in- please all palates ; by which means we should telligent man. One subject introduced make our passage pleasant, and our meeting another, and we discoursed successively upon together a feast of good humour and iustrucnatural philosophy, ethics, jurisprudence, and tion." theology; in the course of which investigation, As I walke dalong the pier, I meditated on I took care to introduce some pasages from the the occurences of riy little voyage; nor did I ancient authors. The sentimental Lady feel thoroughly satisfied with myself. Goodstared with astonishment; the consequential nature and urbanity checked my exultation, Lady ventured a look, but (I imagine, upon and whispered, Away with you! you are summing up my dress, the counter, and rightly served; henceforth appear
in your true other circumstances) relapsed into her former re- character, and try to make it as valuable to serve: her husband, however, ventured to
your fellow passengers as you can. Inerease speak, and, upon my mentioning Tully, asked the stock of plain honesty, and throw away whether I did not mean Mr. Tully, the cheese the dregs of pride and folly; you may appear monger, in Carnaby Market?
in what character yon choose to the world, We had now arrived at the Pier of Mar. but will never be able to impose on the judge mate. when an old acquaintance came on within your own breast.”
potions of the justly-celebrated vital wine, and
capital gruel, coddled in a silver saucepan: 1 BY AXcient Authors.
enjoyed every comfort my disease permitted.
No man more patient, or flexible! Susan neMy heart was slain, and none but you and I;
ver grumble---iny friends congratulated me Who should I think the murder should commit, wealtı; being inseparable concomitants with
on the prospect of long life, and increasing Since, but yourself and I, there was no creature the disease: and thus passed the days of torment, by,
Poor Trudge, too, seeded to pity me; he would But only I, guiltless of murd’ring it.
lick the Giannel-gaze on the enveloped excres
cence of agony-ixliis noble, dark, penetrating It slew itself; the verdict on the view
eye on my cheerless countenance-and watch Do quit the dead, and me not accessary:
nie, with unremitting assiduity; never leaving Well, well, I fear it will be proved by you,
my chair, during my continement.
At lengths, the summer drew her ro‘y mantle The evidence so great a proof doth carry.
over the ide of nature; and prompted me to But 0, sea, see, we need inquire no further ;
expre:s it wishi of visiting a faithful friend of
early aitachment, who resided on the Kentish Upon your lips the scarlet drops are found,
cuast: lit, had you seen the countenance of And in your eye, the boy that did the murther, Susin, whom I made the proposition, you had Your cheeks yet pale-since first he gave the never forgotten it! wound.
Susan," said I, “what's your opinion of
air, and exercise, for the gout"
“ Then oft 1 set tomorrow morning, please at last.
God! I'll take a tip to Margate; it will in vigorate and revive my spirits."
Susan stoodi agliast. “Tomorrow!" replied Trust not, sweet soul, those curled waves of gold, she. “ La ! Sir, you be out of your main. --you With gentle tides, which on your temples flow;
be crazed in the wits -- you ha'n't been a week
out of Nor temples spread with flakes of virgin snow,
wraps, and now for to go Nor snow of cheeks, with Tyrian grain enroll’d.
to get scampering off to the world's end, in the
broiling heat of the weather; it's enough for Trust not those shining lights, which wrought face looks as vellow, and as rizzled, as a john
to throw yourself into a surfitation. Your with woe, When first I did their burning rays behold;
apple; and your eyes be as dull as a whiting: Nor voice, whose sounds more strange effects do colour in thien than my old checked apron.”
and as for your lips, they have got no more show,
Here she paused. Than of the Thracian harper have been told. If your tongue was as much checked as Look to this dying lily, fading rose,
your apron, god Su-an, it would not be anniss; Dark hyacinth, of late whose blushing beams
so, lay by the Handels--!o:k up the gruel sauce
the valuable vital wine---and preMade all the neighb'ring herbs and grass re pare ine an extra shirt and cravat against te joice,
morning.” And think how little is 'twixt life's extremes. Susan burst into tears. “ To think," cried The cruel tyrant that did kill these flowers,
she, “after all my care and pain in nursing Shall once (ah me!) not spare that spring of try to lay yourself up again. You'll be as lame
you, you will be so extropolis as to go for to yours.
as a duck-your legs will be as thick as millDRUMMOND.
postes before you've got a hundredth-thousandth part of the way; and what are you to do
“ Bear it with Christian fortitude," said I:
get somebody to lift me into a comfortable SUSAN'S HOLIDAY;
post-chaise, and come again, under your good
care and management." OR,
Susan bridled; her reproaches ceased, be A DAY'S PLEASURE. cause her vanity was roused.
“You know you are the best nurse on earth,” Trudge's lame foot had long recovered its continued I; “the most careful—the most ten
der—the most," usual celerity; thongh one of my own feet had been severely twinged by a fit of the gout,
“ Which coat shall I brush, Sir?" hastily early in the spring: but, as Susan hadten- interrupted Susan-(whosecheek my eulogiums derly swathed' it-in fleecy hosiery, and nine had crímsoned with conscious pleasure) --- forn Olds of nine times dyed blue flannel with daily to bo sure, if you will go, you must; I cannot