Mere Hottentot children, contrasted with them! Just then, a black cloud, in the West, was ascending;

The lightning flash'd frequent, with horrible glare;

which had induced him to place the muzzle of a pistol to his head was, that he was completely tired of the intolerable repetition of putting his breeches on every day.

Trifles.

COURTSHIP AND MATRIMONY.—It is remarke harvest of courtship before marriage, and able, that there should be such a plentiful generally such a famine afterwards! Courtship is a fine bowling-green road, all galloping ground; and sweethearting a sun-shine holiday in summer-time; but when once through matrimony's turnpike, the weather becomes footman; but seldom stays to see the stocking wintry! Courtship is matrimony's running thrown-and what is worse, generally carries away with it these two grand preservatives of matrimonial happiness, delicacy and gratitude. The husband is often seized with a cold aguish disorder, to which the faculty give the name of indifference; and there is a disaster fatal to the noney-moon, which the ladies are some times seized with, and what the College of Physicians term the suliens. This disteur

portending,

The thunder rebellowed along the rent air,

An oak, by the way-side, Jove's bolt made a dash on,

all flat;

There, hang you! eries Jonathan, quite in a

passion,

Have you got better thunder in England than

that!

R. E****.

Tit Bits.

IMAGINARY MISERIES.

These visionary fiends, though viewless as the winds, are frequently as mischievous, and aided by a green metropolitan fog, and a north-eastern in November, are the very best friends that suicide can call her own. Under their inspiring influence, a female friend of mine, in the enjoyment of a pretty and healthy person, and about two thousand per annum, took to solitary, cabinet bidding; until, mounted on the curling vapour of cherry-brandy and ratafia, her gentle spirit evaporated into thin air. And a fine dashing fellow whom I have frequently met in society, of which he was the soul, at the age of thirty, rich, vigorous, and for ever laughing, left upon his table a note addressed to me, declaring the only reason

and looking at his wife like the devil! At last, he abruptly demands of her

What is the matter with you, Ma-dam?—Te which she replies

-nothing.

What is it you mean, Ma-dam?

N -n▬▬▬▬nothing,

What have I done to you, Ma-dam?
-N-n-n- -nothing.

What would you make of me, Ma-dain?
-N- -n--nothing.

And this quarrel first arose as they sat at breakfast, on the lady's very innocently ob serving, that the tea was made of the Thames water. The husband, piqued to think that the dignity of his taste was called in question, in not being able to make the discovery first, answered-Pugh! he was sure the tea-kettle was filled out of the New River.

RECEIPT for a love-letter as in present prac tice.-Take of

Protestations-five hundred.
Vows-half as many.
Lies-three thousand.
Deceit-fifty pounds weight.
Nonsense-an equal quantity.
Flattery-treble the amount.
Sincerity-half a scruple.

Mix them all together, sweetening it often with the words Angel, Goddess, Chariner

Honey, and the like. Use as much of it at a time as you think proper; fold it up in gilt paper; seal it with a flaming heart, full of

Verses.

I thought me a dew-drop on a rose-bud sleeping,
When the Sun arose and kiss'd it away!
The rose-bud blush'd, and I left it weeping,
As I changed to a beautiful ray,
From the heaven to the earth,
In my brilliant birth,

I lit on the rose-bud anon,—

Oh! its beauty was spread,—
But a worm on it fed,

And, thought I, Love! how soon will thy

beauty be gone!

Thou art just like a nymph on her bridal day,

Who is blushing and coy in her innocent joy, But is prey'd on by sickness, and pines away.

While I linger'd, a cloud 'neath the blue sky was lowering,

And shaded me back into heavenly light; The wind was abroad, and the shining rain showering,

To refresh the fair world with its liquid delight;
And the cloud dropped away,
And my beautiful ray,
With millions of others, like me,
On the pure sky glanced,
By refraction entranced,

Semicircling an arch from the zone to the sea. So changing the prospects of men, thought I, They are clouded and gay, like the rain and the ray,

Till life's vision deludes them, alas! and they die'

Yet the Sun still exulted, and westwardly kneeling,

Beam'd over the face of his natural love;
He withdrew from the sky our poetical feeling,
And, Evening advancing, her stars lit above;
Oh! 'twas placidly light;
For the Moon was in white,

With solar attraction, which keeps her so clear,
And I thought, in this mirth,
Of the rose-bud of earth,

And descending in mist, oh! how softly I kiss'd
Its sweet petals again, melting into a tear!
And I deem'd hearts are thus, howsoever they rove,
Stealing back to the bosoms of lovers they love,

A SPECIAL CASE.

The eyes that glow with sparkling jet,

And those that swim in orbs of blue, Black versus Azure, strove to get

The palm to Beauty's empire due.

Love is a sickness, full of waes,

All remedy refusing;

A plant that with most cutting grows,
Most barren with best using:
Why so?

More we enjoy it, more it dies;
If not enjoy'd, it sighing cries,
Heigh ho!

Love is a torment of the miud,

A tempest everlasting;
And Jove hath made it of a kind,

Not well, nor full, nor fasting:
Why so?

More we enjoy it, more it dies;
If not enjoy'd, it sighing cries,
Heigh ho!

Printed and Published for the Proprietors, by J. WHITE, 41, Holywell-street, Strand, and may be had of all Booksellers.

No. 3. VOL. II.]

Anecdotes.

THE KING,

AND

LORD GEORGE GORDON. MONG the various efforts of that eccentricity thich distinguished the above whimsical Lord, he following is not, perhaps, the least cujons:

He requested an audience of his Majesty. eave was accordingly granted, and his lordhip was ushered in to the royal presence. ord Denbigh was, at that time, lord in waitg, and, as there were traits in the gentleman's haracter which suggested some apprehensions his lordship for the personal security of one f the parties, he intentionally left the door uite open as he retired after the introduction. he noble Lord, however, did not understand is, and, without much ceremony, shut the oor, and locked it. This being done, and a w other preliminaries, equally facetious, djusted, he approached his Sovereign, and, ithout further prelude, observed to him, that he had got an excellent pamphlet in his ket, and he would do himself the honour, d his Majesty the pleasure, to read it."he King knew the character of the individual e had to deal with, and was conscious that I remonstrance would be useless; he, therere, made up his mind to bear with him while, consoling himself with the idea, that could not be long persecuted with this himsical lecture, as the night, it being then fur five, would soon put an end to his recita. This consolation, however, proved, like any a human hope, ill founded; for his ordship, like Nat. Lee, would have requested ove to have snuffed the moon, if no other ternative had been left, rather than have ought his lesson to a premature or an abrupt rination. He began, and went on, till it sinpossible for him to distinguish a sylHis Majesty was determined not to der lights, and thinking this an excellent Oportunity for producing a period to the visit, e remarked-"I am sorry, my Lord, the light ils you, but some other day" "An' please our Majesty," replied his Lordship, "no time e the present; and as for light, a little of that

ble.

ill serve me."

With the same agreeable freedom that had stinguished the general tenor of his Lordip's conduct during the whole of this interew, he now went to the fire, stirred it up,

[PRICE 64

an

and by the light of it persevered in his di course till he arrived at the last syllable of the beloved chapter.-The King was now indulg, ing self-congratulation, not doubting that his persecution would conclude here; but, Lord George, with a pertinacity truly astonishing, proceeded to observe, “now, please your Majesty, I will read you ten or eleven excellent letters that I have received from your Majesty's Protestant subjects in Ireland, which never were nor never will be equalled."He then went on, unaided by any other light than that of the fire, and the ignis fistuus which glimmered in his fancy, for two hours longer; and if he did not instruct his Majesty materially in any branch of political information, yet he at least contributed to teach him more patience than he ever, perhaps, had an opportunity of collecting from any previous circumstance in his life.-The King used to tell the above story with great glee and satisfaction.

WHIMSICAL HEADS.

A TRIFLING incident hath sometimes been the occasion of the greatest quarrels, and such as have ended fatally. I remember two gentlemen, who were constant companions, disputing one evening at the Grecian Coffee-house concerning the accent of a Greek word. This dispute was carried to such a length, that the two friends thought proper to determine it with their swords; for this purpose they stept out into Devereux Court, where one of them (whose name, if I rightly remember, was FITZGERALD) was run through the body, and died on the spot.

Some gentlemen and ladies of two noble families in Scotland, who were near relations, and had always lived together in the greatest harmony and friendship, supt with me in St. Mary Hall. A very innocent joke, which was designed by the present Earl of M. who was one of the company, to increase our mirth and good humour, was highly resented by one of the ladies, and afterwards improved by her into such a quarrel, as concluded in an open rupture be tween the two families.

1. G. my old acquaintance, and one Mr. E. of Bristol, both single men, and in good health and circumstances, agreed to travel together for three or four years, and visit all the countries of Europe; for that purpose they provided themselves with passports, bills of exchange, letters of credit and recommendation, &c. About six or seven days after they set out, they arrived at Brussels, where they had for supper à woodcock

and a partridge; they disputed long which of the birds should be cut up first, and with so much heat and animosity, that if they had not both been gentlemen of a well-tempered courage, this silly dispute might have terminated as unhappily as the affair at the Grecian Coffee-house. To such an height however the quarrel arose, that they did not only renounce their new design of travelling, but all friendship and correspondence; and the next morning they parted, and returned to England, one by the way of Calais, and the other through Holland.About half a year afterwards I happened to be in I. G.'s company; I asked him whether what I had heard was true, that he and E-TON had agreed to make the tour of Europe together, but had unfortunately quarrelled the first week about cutting up a woodcock and a partridge. "Very true," says he; "and did you ever know suck an absurd fellow as E-TON, who insisted on cutting up a woodcock before a partridge ?" ⋆ If my old acquaintance had not made me this answer, I should not, I believe, have told this story. These relations may serve to give a foreigner some idea of those many odd and singular characters which are so justly imputed to the English nation.

Blunders.

ELOCUTION OF THE BAR. SOME of the daily journals have lately indulged in pleasantries upon Mr. Carlile's pronunciation. We would recommend these Gentlemen to modest silence upon the subject, as the laugh may turn against their employers.

The Attorney, late the Solicitor-General, practises in a Court not very famous for sterling English, or the graces of clocution. His own diction, or rather his Devonshire dialect, is sufficiently amusing. The pronunciation of the vowel e appears to be quite beyond his capabilities. Upon Carlile's Trial he informed us with vast volubility "That every parson in the country must have a cartain conviction of the truth of a ravalation of such sarvice to mankind-its light was sprading in every cornder (corner) of the warld."

The pronunciation of Sir John Leach, the Vice-Chancellor, is so peculiarly soft and harmonious to musical ears, that the Bar has complimented him with the appropriate title of Miss Leach. Outside the Bar the Lawyers are not so polite, they call him in plain English-Lisping Leach.

Mr. Bell, the King's Counsel, excites uncontrolable risibility by his broad Northern dialect; though it is said, that the Lord Chancellor contrives sometimes to understand him, by close attention to the contortions of his

* If we were carefully to trace the descent of these whimsical heads, we should generally discover a madness in the family.

mouth, and the varied intonations of his dis cordant trombone solos.-We may be induced to bestow a few observations upon others o the Bar-Orators should these not be sufficien to prove that Legal Chicane and Eloquence are not the same accomplishment.

CURIOUS SIGN-BOARD.-Upon the door of house near Bridgewater, occupied by a fathe and son, the former a blacksmith and publica the latter a barber, is a sign-board with th following inscription:-"Burness and So blacksmith and barber's work done here, hor shoing and shaving; locks mended and ha curling, bleeding, teeth-drawing, and all oth farriery work. All serts of spiratus licke akording to the late comical trety.-Take not my wife keeps skool and laves fokes as v shall; teches reading and riting and all oth langwitches; and has assistaunts if require to teach horritory, sowing, the mathematic and all other fashionable diversions."

Bon Mots.

ATTERBURY,

BISHOP OF ROCHESTER. A REPARTEE, or a quick and witty an to an insolent taunt, or to any ill-natured ironical joke or question, is always well rece ed (whether in a public assembly or å pris company) by the persons who hear it, and giv a reputation to the man who makes it. Cic in one of his letters to ATTICUS, informs of some reproaches, a kind of coarse rail which passed between himself and CLODIES the senate, and seems to exult and value hi self much on his own repartees: though I not think that this was one of Cicero's excele cies. ATTERBURY, Bishop of Rochester, wh a certain bill was brought into the House Lords, said among other things, "that he p phesied last winter this bill would be attempte the present session, and he was sorry to find th he had proved a true prophet.' My Lord NINGSBY, who spoke after the bishop and alwa spoke in a passion, desired the house to remar "that one of the Right Reverend had set hi forth as a prophet; but for his part he d know what prophet to liken to, unless to t furious prophet BALAAM, who was repres The Bishop in a reply, w by his own ass.” great wit and calmness, exposed this m Lord hath discovered in our manners such since the attack, concluding thus:a similitude, I am well content to be compat to the prophet BALAAM; but, my Lords, a at a loss how to make out the other part of th parellel: I am sure that I have been reproce by nobody but his Lordship."

LORD CADOGAN.

WHEN the late Earl of Cadogan was sent an embassy to Vienna, he was one day invi