Imágenes de páginas
PDF
EPUB

dread want, when we have but a short time to be miserable. I am satisfied with what nature has done for me; nor do I require a fortune. I do not seek in men what they have of evil, that I may censure; I only find out what they have ridiculous, that I may be amused. I feel a pleasure in detecting their follies; I should feel a greater in communicating my discoveries, did not my prudence restrain me; life is too short, according to my ideas, to read all kinds of books, and to load our memory with an infinitè number of things at the cost of our judgment. I do not attach myself to the sentiments of scientific men to acquire science; but to the most rational, that I may strengthen my reason. Sometimes I seek for the more delicate minds, that my taste may imbibe their delicacy; sometimes for the gayer, that I may enrich my genius with their gaiety: and, although I constantly read, I make it less my occupation than my pleasure. In religion and in friendship, I have only to paint myself such as I am-in friendship, more tender than a a philosopher: and in religion, as constant, and as sincere as a youth who has more simplicity than experience. My piety is composed more of justice and charity, than of penitence. I rest my confidence in God, and hope every thing from His benevolence. In the bosom of Providence, I find my repose and my felicity.

Correspondence.

CASTIGATORY FOR SCOLDS. To the Editor of the Tickler Magazine. SIR,

Perhaps you will not deem the following observations, upon a curious ancient custom, gleaned from the highest authorities, unworthy of a place in your interesting Miscellany.

A woman, indicted for being a common scold, (commuseis rixatrix, for the law latin confines it to the feminine gender) was sentenced to be placed on a certain engine of correction, called the tre buchet, tumbrel, tymborella, castigatory, or cucking stool, though frequently corrupted into ducking stool, because the

remainder of the punishment was, that, when placed on the stool, she should be plunged into the water. 4 Blackstone's Commentaries, p. 169. It was also termed eaginstole and cokestole, and by some thought corrupted from choaking stool. In Domesday Book it is called cathedra stercoralis, and was used by the Saxons for the same purpose, and by them also called scealfing stole. It seems that this punishment was not confined to prostitutes and common scolds, but was anciently inflicted on brewers and bakers transgressing the laws, who were immersed over head and ears in stercore, in stinking water. In the reign of Queen Anne, during the chief justiceship of Sir John Holt, a woman, named Foxby, was convicted upon an indictment, at the Maidstone Quarter Sessions, for being a common scold. She prayed an arrest of judgment, as the indictment was, that she was communis caluminiatrix, which is not the latin for scold, but rixatrix; and upon this exception, judgment was arrested till next Term. Sir John Holt then enlarged the time to see how she would behave herself in the interim, for he said, ducking would rather harden than cure, and if she was once ducked, she would scold all the days of her life. The case was brought before his Lordship the following term, when he allowed the error, and judgment was reversed.

At Bunbury in Oxfordshire, this punishment was used towards prostitutes within the memory of persons living in 1793, and the pool used for that purpose still retains the name of the cucking pool; but the engine was removed some little time before that period.

Mr. Morgan, a former editor of Jacob's Dictionary, said he remembered seeing the remains of one of these instruments of correction on the estate of a relation of his in Warwickshire, and describes it fixed firm on the margin of a pool, and as a long beam acting on a fulcrund, at the end of the beam, immediately over the centre of the pool, was the chair, in which sat the patient.

says,

H

Butler, speaking of these ceremonies,
-As ovation was allow'd
For conquest, purchas'd without blood;

So men decree these lesser shows
For vict'ry gotten without blows;
By dint of sharp, hard words, which some
Give battle with, and overcome.

These mounted in a chair curule,
Which moderns call a cucking-stool,
March proudly to the river's side,
And o'er the waves in triumph ride;
Like Dukes of Venice, who are said
The Adriatic sea to wed;

And have a gentler wife than those,
For whom the state decrees these shows.

To our own honor, and to the honor of our fair friends, this custom has wholly disappeared, and nothing remains of it but what ought, the remembrance. Thanks to heaven, there are but few wo

men to be found now-a-days, who have not a much greater command than formerly, over those members, though still sometimes unruly,—their tongues. I am sorry to add, that I must make one exception to the last observation, i. e. as to those ladies within the precincts of Billingsgate. I am, Sir,

2d Aug. 1821.

Yours, &c.

Epigrams.

N. J.

IT is reported as a fact, that they intend, on the arrival of his MAJESTY, to draw his carriage with silken ropes, that are to run in an uninterrupted line from Dublin Castle to Dunleary, a distance of seven Irish miles.

[Morning Paper.

RISUM TENEATIS, AMICI?
What! silken traces, seven miles long!
To draw the KING, you say;
And will they not be seven-league boots,
Postillions wear that day?

The truth, indeed, I do not doubt;
But this full well I know,
That you're most fit to draw such ropes,
Who draw so long a bow.

ON THE LATE CONTEST FOR SHERIFFS.

In the contest for Sheriffs, it some may surprise,

That friend CROOK should have made such a stop;

But all wonder must cease, as if custom applies,

The GARRET will always be found at the top!

[blocks in formation]

FOR BUONAPARTE'S TOMB. Stranger,approach with silent awe, for know A scepter'd warrior's relics rest below; Whose bold ambition, and success in arms, Once fill'd astonish'd Europe with alarms. Now mark the issue of o'er-weening pride, When reason, wisdom, justice cease to guide: Unsatisfied with all he had acquir'd, The thirst of conquest, still his bosom fir'd; The throne ofFrance seem'd but a petty thing, To the Imperial Eagle on the wing;On Russia's diadem he cast his eyes, And straight resolv'd to seize the glitt❜ring prize;

cross'd,

But Fate, the proud Adventurer's purpose
A gallant army in the attempt was lost;
The tide of fortune turn'd-disasters new
The disappointed Hero's steps pursue,
And his last ray of glory set at Waterloo!

Peace to his manes !—may he mercy find,
Although he had but little for mankind.

[blocks in formation]
[blocks in formation]

Feet. What then?

Hands. You walked off with them.

Feet. Or rather, ran off; for, if I had not, you would have been caught in maner, as the lawyers say.

Hands. But you never stole a pair of gloves for me.

Feet. But I was fettered for the gloves you stole for yourself.

Hands. And I was handcuffed for the shoes I stole for you.

Feet. Didn't I kick the fellow that handcuffed you?

Feet. So far we acted like sworn brothers. I hope you don't forget that I was put in the stocks for the bottle of brandy you

stole.

Hands. That bottle was for our throat -our common friend.

Feet. I am afraid our poor throat will pay for all at last.

Hands. Away with your predictions! You say you like to look forward; you should sometimes look behind you.

Feet. No, I leave that to my heels. Hands. In all our transactions, I never betrayed you.

Feet. Do you mean to say that I betrayed you?

Hands. Remember the great snow. Feet. True; I was traced, and we were caught-Did'nt I assist you, however, to scale the wall?

Hands. You did-and to swim the river.

Feet, Yes---and to climb the tree.

Hands. Don't talk of trees-trees have been fatal to gentlemen of our profession.

Feet. And will be so, I fear. Since you have touched on old sores, it has not escaped your memory, I believe, that before you entered into your present line of life, you signed a warrant of attorney, by which you got us all, back, belly, and bones, into a stone doublet.

Hands. It was in that very stone doublet I learned all my tricks.

Feet. I wish you could unlearn them, but that I see is impossible; let me advise you now, in future, to avoid all attorneys, and warrants of attorney; and if ever you are called upon to put mark to any bond, bill, or note, let your it appear on the left side; though it may not be so honourable a post as on the right, yet you'll find it a less dangerous.

[blocks in formation]

Feet. Betters! I am descended, Mr. Hands, from the antient family of the

Legs: you are, it is true, descended from the proud family of the Arms: both have bled in the cause of their country, and when yours could no longer sustain the fight, mine have borne them off the tented field in safety. I know the

Hands. And did'nt I cuff the fellow Spindleshanks claim kindred as a branch that fettered you?

of my ancestors, and they are a disgrace

to it; we are proud, however, to acknowledge our obligations to Mr. Deputy Oak, a sound race, the pride of Old England, and the glory of Chelsea College.

Hands. Come, Come, our ancestors are equally illustrious. But in point of education-I can write..

Feet. And I can leave my mark. Hasn't forgery brought many a man to the gallows?

Hands. And hasn't one false step often done the same?-A truce, a truce! -let us forget all that is past-let us act in concert in future.

Feet. With all my heart: I'll engage that you'll never attempt to put any plan into execution that you won't find me at the bottom of it: if you have a horse, arm my heels, and you'll outstrip the wind; or if you trust to me, you'll find that I'll leave your pursuers far behind.

FALSE ALARM.---A family of respectability at Kingsland, was lately thrown into the utmost consternation, by an alarm of thieves besetting the house. The master instantly called his servant, and enquired if he had well loaded the blunderbuss; and upon his affirmatively answering the interrogatory, John was desired to bring it up instantly into the front drawing room. The gentleman, previous to discharging it, called out, in as deep and awful a tone as the organs of speech enabled him, "who's there;" when an old woman, who was climbing (or trying thereat) the front railing, seeing his terrified countenance, (Luna smiling most effulgently on the affrighted parties) and at the same time beholding the well-directed blunderbuss, cried with all her might, and the utmost pathos,- "Oh! Sir-Sir-pray don't shoot; it's only MARTHA, the Washerwoman." The fact was, that the venerable soap-destroyer was anxious to get to the inner door, before she warned the family of her approach; and finding the outer door or gate well secured, she was climbing over the railing, when a shrewd neighbour was passing, who concluding it must be a thief, from the peculiar mode of trying to obtain entrance, pulled the bell most violently, and at the same moment lustily cried out" Thieves !Thieves !"

A DEAR SHAVE.---Among the many humourous stories told of the happy art of the late Mr. Sheridan possessed in getting rid of a troublesome creditor, or, in the language of St. James's, "Bilking a Dun;" whatever such stories display in delicacy of execution, we believe few shew more originality of invention, than one told of the mother of a late unsuccessful candidate for the representation of a Northern county. The lady in question resided most of the year at the country mansion of her lord, who was a great agriculturist; and, as agriculturists in those days were occasionally troubled · with an epidemic now raging, vulgarly denominated want of cash, the noble mansion was every morning haunted with some tradesmen, whose attendance could have been dispensed with. Among others, a cooper, who was alike distinguished by the importunity of his demands and the blackness of his beard, one morning happened to escape the porter, and find his way into the library, where the lady of the mansion had just finished puffing a little hair-powder over the hoary honours of her lord. The unwelcome tub-hooper presented his grubby visage, but the lady, like a true daughter of Eve, could not be "put out." "Are you not ashamed (says she) to come here with such a beard?" The cooper made some excuse about bad razors. "Well, sit down, then," returned the lady; "here is an excellent case; I always shave Sir John, and shall shave you too, before you go out of this house." The cooper was in amazement---the scarlet blushes of surprize shone through his sunburnt face; he would have refused the proffered honour, but all in vain; her Tubs ladyship would take no denial. was placed in a chair intended for a nobler burden, a milk-white napkin spread over his bosom, and the latherbrush of the worthy Baronet condemned to scrub over his bristly snout. The operation over, (we shall not say how) the half-petrified cooper was released from "durance vile," and her ladyship, making him a low curtesy, said, "Now, Mr. Cooper, you have a bill against Sir John for 18s. 6d.; I never shave under one guinea; so if you will just pay the half crown in balance we shall be quits." The story got wind, and the cooper hooped all the tubs for the good women in the neighbourhood which were in deasy;

and indeed, it was at times whispered by the gude men, that the tubs were left out in the sun by the wives, to afford a pretence to call the cooper, and hear a second edition of his story. The avaricious dog was certainly amply indemnified for his "dear shave," by the extraordinary notoriety into which it brought him; but it was observed ever after, that when any thing was said about “taking off beards," he was in use to stroke his chin between his finger and his thumb, and shake his head in the way people will do when they meet one that has left them a bill to pay.

[blocks in formation]
[merged small][ocr errors]

"Their masters paired them shortly, and in succession they began to make proof of their fatal skill. At first, Scythian was matched against ScythianGreek against Greek---Ethiopian against Ethiopian---Spaniard against Spaniard; and I saw the sand dyed beneath their feet with blood streaming from the wounds of kindred hands. But these combats, although abundantly bloody and terrible, were regarded only as preludes to the serious business of the day, which consisted of duels between Europeans on the one side, and Africans on the other; wherein it was the well-nigh intransgressable law of the Amphitheatre, that at least one out of every pair of combatants should die in the arena before the eyes of the multitude. Instead of shrinking from the more desperate brutalities of these latter conflicts, the almost certainty of their fatal termination, seemed only to make the assembly gaze upon them with more intense curiosity, and a more inhuman measure of delight. Methinks I feel as if it were but of yesterday, when-sickened with the protracted terrors of a conflict, that seemed as if it were never to have an end, although both the combatants were already covered all over with hideous gashes-I at last bowed down my head, and clasped my hands upon my eyes, to save them from the torture of gazing thereon further; and I had scarcely done so, when Rubellia laid her hand upon my elbow, whispering, 'Look, look, now look,' in a voice of low steady impatience. I did look, but not to the arena: no; it was upon the beautiful features of that woman's face that I looked, and. truly it seemed to me as if they presented a spectacle almost as fearful as that from which I had just averted mine eyes. I saw those rich lips parted asunder, and those dark eyes extended in their sockets,

B B

« AnteriorContinuar »