THE WILL OF AN ARITHMETICIAN.---Fortunatus Dreynull, an arithmetician of Strasburg, left behind him a will, in which he relates and orders as follows:

"My highly respected grandfather, Prosperus Dreynull, instructed me in writing and accounts. When I was scarcely eight years old he proved to me, that if interest was yearly made of a capital, the same in an hundred years would be multiplied one hundred and thirty times. The attention with which I listened to him appeared to please the old man; he suddenly drew twenty-four livres out of his pocket, and said with enthusiasm, which even now hovers before my eyes, My child, remember as long as you live, that with economy and arithmetic, there is nothing in the world impossible to man. Here, I give you twenty-four livres, carry them to a merchant, my friend, who, out of complaisance to me, will employ them in his trade. Yearly shall you strike the interest thereof, and at your death, for the peace of your own and my soul, found a pious institution therefrom.'

"I have obeyed his commands, and since that time (in sixty-four years) the twenty-four livres have become five hundred, which I accordingly have divided into five equal parts, and order, that they, like the principal sum of my grandfather, shall be continued to be multiplied; yet also, that every hundred years a fifth part may be taken therefrom, and made ase of. The first fifth part will, in a hundred years, amount to thirteen thousand livres, which shall be expended in making a morass arable, that lies near to my native village.---A hundred years later, the second fifth part, will be one million and seven hundred thousand livres; from this sum shall eighty prizes be founded, for the encouragement of the knowledge of husbandry, &c. &c.-One hundred years later, the third fifth part will amount to two hundred and twenty millions: from which shall be established throughout the whole kingdom a hundred patriotic Lomber houses, to advance money to every honest and industrious citizen without interest. Moreover in the principal cities shall twelve museums, and twelve public libraries be founded. Each of them shall have a yearly allowance of one hundred thousand livres, to support

* Pawnbrokers' shops.

forty meritorious scholars.---A hundred years later, the fourth fifth part will be increased to thirty millions, by which a hundred new towns shall be built, and each peopled with one hundred and fifty thousand people. It may be objected that in all Europe there does not exist so much ready money; but I allow the executors of my will, to convert the money at pleasure into immoveables.

"At last, the remaining fifth share will mount up in the course of five hundred years to three thousand nine hundred milliards. From which, shall first, our own national debt, and then the national debt of England be paid, when it is. sufficiently large; from gratitude for Newton's beautiful work, called the UNIVERSAL ART OF ARITHMETIC. The first six executors of this will, shall be chosen from the most upright men, and each on dying shall appoint his successor. For their trouble, they may, on the making use of the fourth fifth part, share amongst themselves, a small fraction of thirty-two millions."

Behold what miracles a saving man may execute with twenty-four livres, But jesting aside! to a certain point, this gigantic arithmetic can realize every thing. That the following true circumstance will prove:

A magistrate of Norwich died in the year 1724; he bequeathed in his will four thousand pounds sterling, to be increased and used in the before-described manner, for a term of sixty years; at the end of which time a school was to be founded, in which one hundred and twenty pupils were to be educated, boarded, and cloathed, free from all expence. He appointed a bishop and some other noble persons his executors. In the month of May, 1784, the term expired; and the preceding sum produced seventy-four thousand pounds sterling, and the benevolent school was actually founded.

Blunders.

A HORSE STOLEN.--Rund away, or sdolen, or vas sdrayed, mine large plack horse, about 14 or 15 hands 6 inches hie. He has got four plack legs, two pehind and two pefore; he is plack all over is pody, but he has got some vite spots pon his pack where de skin vas rub off; but I greesed em, and de vite spots is all

plack again. He trods and kanters, and sometimes he valks; and ven he valks, all his legs and feet goes on von after anoder. He has two ears pon his head, both alike; but one is placker dan toder. He has two eyes, von is put out, and toder is pon the side of his head; and when you go toder side, he vont see you. Ven he eats good deal, he has a pig pelly; he has a long dail, dat hangs down pehind, but I cut it short toder day, and now tis not so long vat it vas. He is shoed all round, but his pehind shoes com'd off, and now he has got no shoes only pefore. He holts up his head, and looks gaily; and when he has been frighten, he joomps apout like every thing in the vorld. He vill ride mit a saddle, or a chaise, or a kart; or he vil go by himself without nopody but a pag on his pack and a poy on it. He is not very old; and ven he valks or runs, his head goes first, and his dail stays pehind; only when he gets mad and turns round, then his dail come first---Vooever will pring him pack shall pay fife dollars reward; and if he bring pack de tief dat sdole him, he shall pay peside twenty dollars, and ax no questions.

STATUN POLDREILDRUN.

A Paris Paper, a few days since, noticed an instance of kindness and hospitality on the part of the English residents in the south of Africa, highly honourable to the British character, to a Mr. LALAUDE, a French naturalist. This circumstance is stated in a Morning Paper under the head of "Natural Curiosities." It was the same Paper that some time since gave an account of the suicide of a hare killed by a dog.

ON the day of the eclipse, when all the inhabitants of Paris were without doors, provided with telescopes and pieces of smoked glass, an Englishman was seen driving furiously in a fiacre along one of the principal streets. "Where does my Lord wish to go to?" said the driver, "to see the eclipse," exclaimed the Englishman, thrusting his head out of the coach window; "drive up as near to it as possible, for I am short-sighted.".

Bon Mots.

WHEN Moliere, the comic poet, died, the archbishop of Paris would not let his body be buried in consecrated ground. The king being informed of this, sent for the archbishop, and expostulated with him about it: but finding the prelate inflexibly obstinate, his majesty asked, how many feet deep the consecrated ground reached? This question coming by surprise, the archbishop replied, about eight.

Well" answered the king, “I find there's no getting the better of your scru ples: therefore let his grave be dug twelve feet deep, that's four below your consecrated ground, and let him be buried there."

BARON B, a celebrated gambler, well known by the name of the left-handed baron, being detected at Bath secreting a card, the company, in the warmth of their resentment, threw him out of the window of a one pair of stairs room. The baron meeting Foote some time after, loudly complained of this usage, and asked what he should do. 66 Do," says the wit, "why it is a plain case-never play so high again as long as you live."

particularly Pop on Sclop-potic Explosion, with a large appendix on Bullets, Adstrictus on Collary Compression, Udatus on Aquatory Submersion, Dr. Phenandres on Poisons, and the learned Professor Garwitz on Cessation of Animation from Narcotic Effluvia, with many others too tedious to mention. There is also always ready, for those who wish to fade away in the Swan's stile, a band of melancholy music, to accompany some drawling singers from the Methodist

Societies. The Wilderness has been stocked with screech owls and hoarsecroaking ravens, and a deep-toned knolling bell fixed in the turret over the mansion. In the Hall are patent iron, and other coffins, of all sorts and sizes, with furniture and fittings, in shewglasses, that the company may have them finished to order one hour before departure.

The Proprietor regrets, from the improvements above detailed, he is compelled to advance the terms, to the total exclusion of all except the opulent. Prospectuses to be had at Hoxton, and of the Agent,

THANATOPHILOS,

Slaughter's Coffee-house.

EVERLASTING SECURITY. TIME-SAVING BANK, Thrift Street. --This most useful Establishment is intended for the benefit of members of either sex, without distinction of age, rank, or country, and will be open at all seasons and hours for the reception of any Leisure or Idle Time, that the public at large may think fit to entrust to the management of the conducting Committee, who pledge themselves to employ the deposited stock to the most beneficial advantage. As soon as the principal and interest shall have accumulated to one hundred years, a dividend of interest will be declared. As small a quantity of stock as half-an-hour will be received and placed to account.

TEMPUS FUGIT, Secretary. The Treasurer has for sale, by commission, several Lost Opportunities; a few repented past Moments; two Yesterdays, and a large number of presumptive To-morrows. The Committee will purchase out-right any quantity of Idle Time.

LECTURES ON UBIQUITY. AT THE Assembly Rooms, Kensington, and the Magpie Hotel, Whitechapel.--MR. PATRICK DUPLEX, from Drogheda, will have the honour this day, April 1st, to deliver a LECTURE, at two o'clock for one, at both of the above places at the same time, on INDIVIDUAL DIVISIBILITY, with numerous highly interesting and entertaining examples; shewing the great advantage that must arise from the application of this novel discovery, which will be found highly gratifying and beneficial to the curious, who may, by becoming the Professor's pupils, be Here, There, and Every where, on the most reasonable Terms. It will almost be essentially useful in all alibi cases.

Double tickets, to admit a single person to both Lectures, to be had of Mr. Duplex, No. 359, Little Turnstile, facing

the Weather-cock.

The Lecturer may be spoken with on 'Change, Hyde Park Corner, Kennington Common, and at the Adam and Eve, Tottenham Court Road, every day at twelve o'clock precisely.

HORSES' TONGUES.

TO BE DISPOSED OF, on Terms that may be agreed on, a Contract for three years certain, for taking all the live and dead Tongues that may accumulate in the course of the business of Richard Rowel, Knacker, at his Licensed Horse Slaughter House, near the Stone's End, Southwark. The demand for these delicacies has been of late years so great, that not a single Tongue could be spared to any of the Cat and Dog's Meat Merchants, which is indeed not to be wondered at when their superiority of flavour over the common Neat's Tongues is so generally admitted, added to the firmness they obtain by the continual pressure between the bit and curb.---Private families may, till the signing of the contract, be supplied as usual for ready money.

Apply as above, where the best price is constantly given for live or dead horses, with or without shoes.

INVISIBLE EXHIBITION, BY CANDLE LIGHT.---This novel Exhibition is now opened, for a short season, at the New Dark Rooms, in Half-moon Street, where will be constantly exposed to view the greatest variety of Invisible Articles

ever before exhibited; among which will be seen numberless Ladies' Invisible Petticoats; a tasteful display of Ladies and Gentlemen's Invisible Wigs, of every colour and fashion, imperceptibly secured on visible blocks. Also a great variety of Pads, Garters, and other elegant invisible requisites of Female Dress. In the mechanical department of the Invisible Museum, will be submitted for inspection, Models of new-invented Ha! Ha! or Invisible Walls. Specimens of a great number of Patent and other Invisible Fences for mewing of pheasants, and confining peacocks on lawns; all tastefully painted with green and other invisible colours, with a very extensive stock of many invisible inventions, too numerous for insertion in the limits of an advertisement.

The Ladies will be attended, whilst viewing the Exhibition, by the Invisible Girl.

Admittance 2s. 6d. ; children in arms, and blind persons, half price.---April 1st,

1820.

QUADRILLING AND WALTZING, taught on entire new principles, by Mr. TRIPFOOT, very near Newgate.---On the floor of these spacious and elegant rooms are accurately delineated, with coloured chalk, the figures of all the most fashionable Quadrilles and Waltzes: by tracing of which the pupils, whilst practising, cannot possibly take one false step: and they will be kept in proper time by conductors, that are laid under the chalk lines from an electrical machine, the sparks from which will set them in motion; and when they are to stop, or take the hands of their partners, they will receive a severe shock. The violin is played by steam; so that Mr. T's whole attention will be devoted to the improvement of his scholars.

For cards of admission apply as above.

Epigrams.

ON THE DEATH OF MR. LIVING.
His spirit's fled,

But be not grieving,
Tho' Living's dead,
Yet dead is living.

F.T.M.

F. T. M.

MODERN BUILDINGS and BUILDING LEASES.

"This Ground, says Tom, (my wealth
increases),

I've let on snug, short Building Leases,
E're long these Houses, new and fine,
By right will every one be mine;"

If that's your aim, you're safe, says Neddy For see!--they're falling in already."

Epitaphs.

EPITAPH ON HI AND HO. Two Chinese Astronomers, who were appointed to watch an Eclipse,--but having got drunk and neglected their duty, they were condemned to be executed by Ho Hang, the Chinese Emperor. Soon after it was discovered that the Eclipse was invisible !--- Vide Hale's Chronicle.

Here rest the bones of Ho and Hi

Whose fate, tho' sad, was risible; Being hung because they could not spy Th' Eclipse that was invisible. Heigho! 'tis said a love of drink

Occasion'd all their trouble; But this is hardly true, I think, As drunken men see double!

On an Old Lady, who died with a Pack of Cards in her Hunds.

Here lies Mrs. Fagg,

And I hope she's at rest,But without Loo or Brag She'd be sadly distrest. So, lest cards might be few, In so distant a land, She slily withdrew

With a pack in her hand!