1 thy heart be seasoned with the fear of God, thou wilt fear thy husband also. 4. And this inward will produce outward reverence, both in her words and actions. Her words are either to himself, or of him behind his back, or to others before him. And, 1, Her words to himself should neither be sharp, sullen, passionate, nor rude, careless or contemptuous: such as shew neither anger nor neglect, but all lowliness and quietness of affection. What kind of words would you dislike from a servant or child? Those must you not give your husband. For the same duty of fear is in the same words, and with the same plainness, enjoined to thee that it is to them. Indeed, a wife, as I observed before, may be more familiar: yet there is an excess of familiarity which is blameworthy. Why should a woman be so over bold as to call her husband, Tom, Ned, Dick? Could she speak otherwise to her child or servant? Certainly those speeches of her's, which are most familiar, should still have a print of reverence upon them. 5. Her words also to others in his presence should be such as witness a due reverence to him. In his company she should be more cautious of her behaviour to any, than otherwise she need to be. Her words to children or servants in his sight, ought not to be loud or snappish. If she perceive a fault in them, she should remember her better stands by, and therefore not speak but upon necessity, and then utter the reproof in a milder manner than she might have done in his absence. You allow not your children or servants to be loud before you. And will you be so before your husband! 6. A wife's words likewise concerning her husband behind his back, should be dutiful and respectful. She must not talk of him with a kind of carelessness, much less with reproachful terms. Hence the Apostle recommends the example of Sarah, when she but thought of her husband, in the absence of all company, Gen. xviii. 12, reverently entitled him, My Lord. Who would bear a child speaking against his father behind his back? And shall it be thought sufferable in a wife? He that allows not an evil thought of the prince, will not allow evil speeches of the husband. 7. Yea, the very gestures and countenance of a wife, as well as her words, should be mixed with reverence. Both good and bad tempers have more ways of uttering themselves than by the tongue. Solomon speaks of an "eye that despiseth his mother:" so the eye of a wife may be a despising eye, and her gestures may proclaim contempt, though her tongue be altogether silent. But rude and contemptuous behaviour, are no less uncomely than disrespectful words. Wherefore, if you condemn these in your children toward yourself, allow them not in yourself toward your husband. 8. The second duty, Subjection, implies obedience to his commands, and submission to his reproofs. The former is expressly enjoined in those words, "Let the wife be subject to her husband in all things." And, indeed, if she refuse it to him, how can she require it of the children and servants ? For it is due to her only as his deputy, and a substitute under him. "But how far must she be subject to him?" The Apostle tells us, " In all things in the Lord." Obedience, you see, must be universal: only so that it may be in the Lord. In every thing wherein obedience to him would not prove rebellion against her Maker, she is bound to obey without any further question. An English subject is not bound to obey the King in any thing but what some law enjoins. His will is no law, neither does it bind the conscience of his subject. But the husband's will is a law to his wife, and binds her conscience in all things indifferent. Nor does even this suffice, unless she obey readily, quietly, cheerfully, without brawling, contending, sourness. 9. The latter, submission to his reproofs, is also plainly required in these words, "As the Church is subject to Christ, so must the wives to their own husbands in every thing." Now, bearing his reproofs is doubtless a necessary part of the Church's subjection to Christ: of consequence it is a necessary part of the wife's subjection to her husband. CHAP. VII. Some Application of the whole. 1. AND First, This yields a good instruction to young, unmarried people, not to rush unadvisedly into this state. A thing of so difficult a nature should not be so hastily undertaken. If they get not first their hearts full of grace, and their heads full of wisdom, they will find their hands full of work, an house full of trouble, and a life full of woe. Dost thou desire to be married? Unless thou wouldst meet with gall instead of honey, see what wisdom, what patience, what grace fit to govern, or fit to obey, thou findest in thyself. Get these against thou comest to use them, or marriage will yield thee small contentment. Vain youths will marry before they have any power to practise, any understanding to know their duties. But he that leaps over a broad ditch with a short staff, will fall into the midst : and he that enters into marriage without grace, shall fall into disquietude and vexation. Let unmarried people think of this and be wise, before pain teaches them wisdom. 2. Secondly, I advise all married persons to be well acquainted with these duties, and to mark their own failings therein. Let the wife know her's, the husband his, and both the common duties. I desire they would each observe their own, and not each the other's failings. Indeed it may be feared, many will be the worse for what has been said, because they heard amiss. The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peal concerning her duty, and tell her how her faults were ripped up, and yet never consider his own. The wife may tell him of his faults, when she has little or nothing to say of herself. Thus both will be worse, while they seek to upbraid each other, and not each to amend one. Unwise man! Unwise woman! Why hast thou not the greatest care to save thy own soul? Couldst thou mark what was good for another's disease, and not what was good for thy own? Brethren, sisters, let this be altered in us. If thou be an husband, have more care to know that, for which thy own soul must answer, than what lies to the account of another. So thou that art a wife. And woe to that man or woman who sees not more failings in him or herself than in the yoke-fellow. If thy heart were right, thy own sins would be more grievous, and thy yoke-fellow's less. Learn, therefore to pass by their failings more easily, and be more censorious toward thy own. Learn to judge thyself. He never yet learned to work well at any work, that would cast his eyes more upon his neighbour's fingers than upon his own. But oh! how common is this! Every man would be a good husband if his wife were not so bad! And she would be a good wife if her husband were tolerable. All the accusations, all the judgings, are darted at each other: but what folly is this? Idle man or woman, it is not the requiring duty from another, but the performing what be longs to thyself, that will make thee a Christian, that will comfort thee in temptation, rejoice thee in death, and stand for thee in judgment. 3. In a word: Know thy own duty, mark thy own failings, and thou wilt not quarrel with thy yoke-fellow. There is no better mean of peace than for every one to learn his own work, and labour to mend his own faults. Have you then both been to blame? Repent both, and strain not courtesy which shall begin. Hast thou been a foolish, passionate, or an unkind husband, not regarding thy wife's good? Cry not, "She has been thus and thus;" but repent of thy own sin. Seriously confess it to God. Beseech him to make thee a better husband, that she may be a better wife. Hast thou been a brawling, disobedient, or discontented wife? Ask thy heart before God, and dissemble not. If so, clamour not against thy husband, exclaim not against his passion or unkindness, but condemn thyself, and call upon God, to make thee reverence and obey thy husband, as a commander under him. Intreat him to make thee a better wife, that he may be a better husband. Let each mend one, I mean himself, and contention will cease. Pray each for yourself first, then for the other: labour to see wherein yourself have offended; be not skilful to cast the fault upon another, but to cast it out of yourself. So shall your loves be sure, your lives comfortable, your deaths happy, and your memories blessed for ever. 4. Before I conclude, it may not be improper to sum up the duty of married persons, as parents and as masters. Their duty as parents, respects either the temporal or the spiritual good of their children. With regard to the former, you owe them protection and provision of necessaries, according to that rank and degree wherein God hath placed you. You are carefully to protect your children from all the evils and dangers to which infancy, childhood, and youth, are exposed. You are also to nourish and sustain them; not only to provide for them for the present, but to take care for their future subsistence. If you have not a patrimony to leave them, it behoves you to leave them an art or calling, whereby through diligence, with the blessing of God, they may procure food convenient for them. In the choice of this calling you should chiefly have an eye to their general Christian calling, and consider not so much what will conduce most to their temporal profit or honour, as what will most effectually advance their spiritual and eternal interest. This is a weighty point: it would be well if all parents would deeply lay it to heart. It should next be considered, whether the calling proposed be suitable to their genius and inclination; which are to be consulted on this head, only not as much as their eternal welfare. 5. With regard to their spiritual good, your first labour of love is, to present them to God in baptism. You are then to inure them to good, to instruct and admonish them, to educate them in the knowledge and fear of God, to season their minds as early as possible with the fundamental truths of religion, and in such a manner as is best suited to their capacity, to train them up in all holiness. Every instruction should be seconded by example. Let them continually see, as well as hear, how they ought to walk acceptably, and to please God. Be peculiarly careful to set before your children the copies and patterns of |