TWENTY-NINTH MEDITATION FOR HOLY COMMUNION.

PROVISION FOR OUR LAST JOURNEY.

Preparation.

We know not what the manner of our death shall be, whether sudden, or preceded by a long sickness; nor do we know whether the nature of our sickness, or our mental condition, will permit us to communicate. It is then an exceedingly useful practice to offer sometimes one of our Communions to our Lord as if it were to be the last of our lives, and to beseech Him to grant us graces equivalent to those which He would bestow upon us when we receive Holy Viaticum.

I. Regarding the past and future.

We never for an instant cease to make steady progress towards the end of our existence. The years past belong to death, they are so much taken away from our length of life. We may all say: I know that I shall soon put off this tabernacle."* Where? In what manner? God only knows. Shall we die suddenly without long illness or warning? Shall we die after committing some sin? To these formidable questions every one is compelled to answer: I know not. But one who is expecting death at every moment cannot fail to die well, however suddenly it may at last arrive.

I have felt the weight of time no less than that of sorrow; nevertheless, in Holy Communion our Lord reserves a happiness for me which increases in proportion to my enjoyment of it, while every passing year

* 2 St. Peter i. 14.

takes away from me a part of my time, my affections, my pleasures! How many things are passed without return! I do not dare to recall them to my memory; the remembrance would be too painful, too dangerous. But at this moment two things remain, and will remain to me until the end of my life: Jesus Christ and sorrow! Jesus Christ, who is willing to be mine; and sorrow, which prepares me for Communion and for heaven. Without Jesus Christ, I could not make reparation for the past, nor suffer resignedly; and without sorrow, I should be too unworthy of Jesus. I communicate that I may be able to suffer well, and to love more. I suffer, that I may communicate more worthily, and prepare myself for my blest abode in heaven.

O Holy Eucharist, continual source of graces, what heavenly balm is shed by thee over my life! Thou openest to the soul a source of most sweet remembrances that never can be closed, that preserves our innocence, or leads us gently to repentance.

My heart, regret nothing upon this earth, where all is perishing, expiring. Attach thyself more and more closely to our Lord, who never dies, whose love can never grow cold.

O sweetest Saviour, I could not have endured my life on earth without the Holy Eucharist. Why should I not hope to enjoy in the world to come, without a veil, that mystery which I have loved so much in its obscurity. Come, Lord Jesus, and give me grace to receive Thee with the dispositions with which I would desire to appear before Thy terrible tribunal.

II. Repentance for our past life.

Our Lord has ordained that the time of our death should be hidden from us, in order that as we can neither delay nor hasten its arrival, we might be always prepared to meet it. As it is certain that we

ought to appear before our Sovereign Judge with a conscience cleansed from every stain of sin, we ought in the first place to excite our souls to sincere repentance for our past sins, and a firm resolution to avoid as much as possible the commission of any fault for the future.

Not one of my actions is hidden from the eye of Jesus! Not one of them can ever be lost sight of by Him! Oh, how much of my past life would I gladly conceal or annihilate! But it is impossible for me to efface anything from the thoughts of God. What vigilance should I then exercise over all my words and thoughts! How should my smallest actions be regulated by a spirit of faith, because every one of them either precedes or follows Communion, which unites me more closely to Jesus than looks or words could do.

If it is terrible to me not to know the hour of my death, it is far more so to be ignorant of the state in which my soul will be at that supreme moment.

How happy am I in having to deal with Infinite Goodness in the great matter of my salvation. When I remember my sins, I ought to fear; but I can find room for nothing but hope when I look at my Redeemer, who, out of pity for me, has treated Himself without pity by accepting death that He might deliver me from hell. I ought also to observe the ever faithful love of Jesus, who pitying my fear in looking back upon my past life, comes daily to His Altar to make reparation for my sins and negligences.

Lord Jesus, I know that I have committed, and even still commit, many sins, which deserve a severe punishment, but I repent that I have offended Thee, I detest all my iniquities, and desire never to commit them again. Punish me for them in this life, as I deserve; cause me to expiate my faults and my ingratitude in this place of exile where I am never

theless permitted to receive and possess Thee. Send me whatever trials Thou shalt see fit to inflict, but preserve me from Purgatory, and from being deprived of Holy Communion.

My divine Saviour, since Thou art the witness of my dispositions as well as of my faults, enter now into judgment with me according to Thy mercy, and delay not until the next life to require from me a strict account of Thy benefits, of which I have made so bad a use.

I should be ashamed, if Thou hadst not granted me Thy pardon, to come again to Thee after failing so often to keep my promises. My past life appears to me an unfathomable abyss of malice, capable of separating me eternally from Thee, but in virtue of which I have been washed in Thy blood, clothed in Thy grace, loaded with Thy gifts of love. I still shed many tears of repentance, but more, far more, of joy. The more I have offended Thee, the more do I desire to love Thee. Forget, O my Jesus, the offences that I have committed against Thee; give me strength to remain faithful to Thee for the rest of my life. In the Communion that I am about to make, deign to grant me a more sincere repentance for my past sins, a more perfect forgiveness, and grace never more to wander away from Thee.

III. Ask for the grace of detachment from all earthly

ties.

Every one of us, when we quit this world, when we come to our last hour, must leave everything behind us, for as we brought nothing into this world, so it is impossible that we should carry anything out. How can we cling to the love of any earthly thing when we know what must be the inevitable end? Nothing is more useful for acquiring a wise moderation in all things than the frequent thought of the brevity and

uncertainty of time. When we have our last hour before our eyes, we can easily detach ourselves from what we are unable to retain. Ah, how much better it is to seek for an imperishable love in the Holy Eucharist, and to fix our hearts where change and sorrow can never come!

If I were sure that Jesus Christ was now about to give Himself to me for the last time, I should find no difficulty in making any sacrifice, however great or costly, because I should then be on the point of quitting for ever all those things which He desires me to offer Him freely during my life. Our Lord is so jealous of my heart, that He will not permit it to derive perfect happiness from any created thing; and He desires to make me feel that true happiness can be enjoyed in Him alone. My present happiness is in Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, who will make me more and more happy in proportion as I become united to Him.

O my beloved Saviour, Thou art going to bestow upon me in Thyself the best that Thou hast: I will offer Thee all my best. Everything in me is Thine; my body, my soul, my blood, and my life. I consecrate everything that I possess to Thy service; henceforward I consider myself as consecrated to Thy Heart. I offer myself to be ground by sorrow like a grain of wheat; that I may preserve Thy love, that I may be more sure of attaining unto heaven. Deign to bless with Thy abundant grace this passing life which Thou mayest soon take away from me; for it is not a gift, but a loan which Thou hast granted me for awhile, as a means of acquiring eternal life.

IV. Trusting entirely to the mercy of God.

During our lives we have at our disposal the mercy of the Heart of Jesus and the use of time; but we too often neglect the one, and waste or fritter away