for having taking her in Bed with a Barber. We were inform'd alfo, that the Door-keeper of his Baths was turn'd out of Office; that one of his Auditors was found defective in his Accounts, and that the Difpute between the Grooms of his Chamber was ended.

At last came in the Dancers on the Rope; and a Punch-belly'd Blockhead holding out a Ladder, commanded his Boy to hop upon every Round of it finging, and to dance a Jigg on the top, and then to tumble through burning Hoops of Iron with a Glass in his Mouth. Trimalchio was the only person that lik'd this Diverfion, but withal, he said, he did not admire it; for there were only two Sights he was defirous to fee, and those were Flyers on the High-rope, and Cock-fighting; and that all other Creatures and Shows were Trifles: For, faid he, I bought once a Sett of Stroulers, and chose rather to make them Merry-Andrews than Comedians; and commanded my Bag-piper to Sing in Latin to them.

While he was chattering at this rate, a Boy chanc'd to stumble upon him, on which the Family gave a Shriek; the fame also did the Guests; not for fuch a Beaft, whose Neck they could willingly have seen broken, but for fear the Supper fhould have an unlucky end, and they be forc'd to lament the death of the Boy.

Whatever it were, Trimalchio gave a deep Groan, and leaning upon his Arm as if it had been hurt, the Phyficians ran thick about

him, and Fortunata amongst the foremost with her Hair about her Ears, and a Bottle of Wine in her Hand, ftill howling, miferable unfortunate Woman he was! Undone, fhe was undone.

The Boy on the other hand, ran under our Feet, and befeech'd us to procure him his Pardon: But I was much concern'd, left our Interpofition might make but a scurvey end of the matter; for the Cook that had forgotten to disbowel the Hog was still in my Thoughts. I began therefore to look about the Room, for fear fomewhat or other might drop through the Ceiling; while the Servant that had bound up his Arm in white instead of fcarlet colour'd Flannel, was foundly beaten : Nor was I wrong in my Conjecture, for in lieu of another Course, came in an Order of Trimalchio's, by which he gave the Boy his Freedom, that it might not be faid, fo Honourable a Perfon had been hurt by his Slave, We all commended the Action, and from thence fell into a Chat of the instability of all Humane Affairs. You're in the right, faid Trimalchio, nor ought this Accident to pafs without Recording; and fo calling for the Journal, he commanded it to be Enter'd; and prefently, without much thinking, tumbled out thefe Verses.

What's

What's least expected falls into our Dish,
And Fortune's more indulgent than our Wish
Therefore, Boy, fill the generous Wine about.

This Epigram gave us an occafion to talk of the Poets, and Marfus the Thracian was thought moft deferving the Bays, till Trimalchio (turning to one in the Company) I befeech you, faid he, tell me the difference between Cicero the Orator,and Publius the Poet? for my part, I think one was the more Eloquent, the other the honefter Man; for what could be faid better than this to bad

Now finking Rome grows weak with Luxury,
To please her Appetite cram'd Peacocks die,
Whofe gandy Plumes a modifh Difh fupply.
For her the Guinnea Hen and Capon's dreft:
The Stork it felf for Rome's luxurious Taftes
Muft in a Cauldron build its humble Neft.
To please each Senfe to foreign Worlds we hafte,
Perfume our Wines, and by our Smell we Tafte.
Now Ceylon Spice; Anchovies Spain bestows:
For us the Orange and the Limon grows.

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To fetch Cavier we found Geneva's Lake,moiy And our own Shoars luxuriously forfake.

The Grecians Oyl, the Germans Hams afford: Calabria Wine, to cheer the wanton Lord. High-relish'd Sauce, unknown in happier times, We fetch from Spain and Sunburnt Indian Climes,

Bam

Bambooes and Mangoes loaded Nature waste, Decay our Strength, yet urge the wearied Tafte.

But now we are talking, which, in the Opinion of the Learned, are the most difficult Profeflions to understand? I think a Phyfi cian and a Banker: A Physician, because he knows a Man's very Heart, and when the

Fits of an Ague will return; tho' by the way,

I hate them mortally; for by their good will I should be always taking one Slip-fop or other: And a Banker, becaufe he'll find out a piece of Brafs, tho' 'tis plated with Silver.

There are alfo brute Beafts which are laborious to Oxen we are beholden for the Bread we eat; and to Sheep, for the Wooll that makes us fo. fine. But, O horrid! we both eat the Mutton, and make us warm with the Fleece. I take the Bees for Divine Creatures; they give us Honey, tho' tis faid they ftole it from Jupiter, and that's the reason why they Sting: For where-ever you meet any thing that's fweet, you'll ever find a Sting at the end of it.

He went fo far as to exclude Philofophers from Business, while the Memoirs of the Family were carrying round the Table, and a Boy, fet for that purpose, read aloud the Names of the Prefents appointed for the Guests to carry home with them. Wicked Silver, what can it not do! Then a Gammon of Bacon was fet on the Table, and above that feveral

sharp

fharp Sauces, a Night-cap for himself, Pud ding-pies, and I know not what kind of Birds: There was alfo brought in a Rundlet of Wine, boiled off to a third part, and kept under Ground to preferve its ftrength: There were also several other things I can give no account of; befides Apples, Scallions, Peaches, a Whip, a Knife, and fome Prefents had been fent him; as Sparrows, a Flye-flap, Raifons, Athenian Honey, Night-gowns, Judges Robes, dry'd Pafte, Table-books, with a Pipe and a Foot-flool: After which came in a Hare and a Sole-Fish: And there was also a Lamprey, a Water-rat with a Frog at his Tail, and a bundle of Beets.

We laugh'd at thefe Whims; there were five hundred more of them which I have now forgot: But when Afcyltos, who could not keep his Temper, fhak'd his fides and laught at every thing so heartily, that he was ready to cry, a Free-man of Trimalchio's that fate next above me, grew hot upon't: And what, faid he, thou Sheep, what do you laugh at? does not this Magnificence of my Master please you? you're richer than he, forfooth, and eat better every Day; by the God of this place, had I fate near enough you, I would have hit you a Box on the Ear before now: A hopeful Scoundrel, that mocks others; fome rafcally Night-walker, not worth the very Urine he makes; and fhould I throw a Chainber-pot on his Head, he knows not where to dry himself. I am not,by Hercules, quickly an gry, yet Worms are bred even in tender Flesh.

He