of the ladies, as well as unbelievers in female friendship; but I dare venture to affirm that every man will honour them for their extraordinary civilities and good-humour to the seducers of their sex. Should a lady object to the company of such men, it would naturally be said that she suspected her own virtue, and was conscious of carrying passions about her, which were in danger of being kindled into flames by every spark of temptation. And this is the obvious reason why the ladies are so particularly obliging to these gentlemen both in public and private. Those gentle souls, indeed, who have the purity of their sex more at heart than the rest, may good-naturedly intend to make converts of their betrayers; but I cannot help thinking that the meetings upon these occasions should be in the presence of a third person: for men are sometimes so obstinate in their errors, and are able to defend them with so much sophistry, that for want of the interposition of this third person, a lady may be so puzzled as to become a convert to those very opinions which she came on purpose to confute.

It is very remarkable, that a lady so converted is extremely apt, in her own mind, to compassionate those deluded wretches, whom a little before she persecuted with so much rigour. But it is also to be remarked, that this softness in her nature is only the consequence of her depravity: for while a lady continues as she should be, it is impossible for her to feel the least approaches of pity for one who is otherwise.

No. 54. THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 1754.

Hoc novum est aucupium

Postremo imperavi egomet mihi

Omnia assentari. Is quæstus nunc est multo uberrimus.

TER.

THAT an essay on hearers has not been given us by the writers of the last age, is to be accounted for from the same reasons that the ancients have left us no treatise on tobacconists or sugar-planters. The world is continually changing by the two great principles of revolution and discovery: as these produce novelty, they furnish the basis of our speculations.

The pride of our ancestors distinguished them from the vulgar, by the dignity of taciturnity. If we consult old pictures, we shall find (suitable to the dress of the times) the beard cut, and the features composed to that gravity and solemnity of aspect, which was to denote wisdom and importance. În that admirable play of Ben Jonson's which, through the capacity and industry of its reviver, has lately so well entertained the town, I mean Every Man in his Humour, a country squire sets up for high-breeding, by resolving to be proud, melancholy, and gentlemanlike.' In the man of birth or business, silence was the note of wisdom and distinction; and the haughty peeress then would no more vouchsafe to talk to her equals, than she will now to her inferiors.

In those times, when talking was the province only of the vulgar or hireling, fools and jesters were the usual retainers in great families: but now, so totai is the revolution, voices are become a mere drug,

and will fetch no money at all, except in the single instance of an election. Riches, birth, and honours, assert their privileges by the opposite quality to silence; insomuch, that many of the great estates and mansion-houses in this kingdom seem at present to be held by the tenure of perpetual talking. Fools and jesters must be useless in families, where the master is no more ashamed of exposing his wit at his table to his guests and servants, than his drunkenness to his constituents. This revolution has obtained so generally all over Europe, that at this day a little dwarf of the king of Poland, who creeps out after dinner from under the trees of the dessert, and utters impertinences to every man at table, is talked of at other courts as a singularity.

a

Happy was it for the poor talkers of those days that so great a revolution was brought about by degrees; for though I can conceive it easy enough to turn the writers at Constantinople into printers, and believe it possible to make a chimney-sweeper a miller, tallow-chandler a perfumer, a gamester a politician, a fine lady a stock-jobber, or a blockhead a connoisseur, I can have no idea of so strange a metamorphosis as that of a talker into a hearer. That hearers, however, have arisen in later times to answer in some degree the demand for them, is apparent from the numbers of them which are to be found in most families, under the various denominations of cousin, humble-companion, chaplain, led-captain, toad-eater, &c. But though each of these characters frequently officiates in the post of hearer, it will be a great mistake if a hearer should imagine he may ever interfere in any of their departments. When the toad-eater opens in praise of musty venison, or a greasy ragout; when the led-captain and chaplain commend prickt-wine, or any other liquors, such as the French call chassecousin, the hearer must submit to be poisoned in

silence. When the cousin is appealed to for the length of a fox-chase, and out-lies his patron; when the squire of the fens declares he has no dirt near his house, and the cousin swears it is a hard gravel for five miles round; or when the hill improver asserts that he never saw his turf burn before, and turning short, says, 'Did you, cousin?' in such cases as these the answers may give a dangerous example: for if a raw whelp of a hearer should happen to give his tongue, he will be rated and corrected like a puppy.

6

The great duty therefore of this office is silence; and I could prove the high antiquity of it by the Tyros of the Pythagorean school, and the ancient worship of Harpocrates, the tutelary deity of this sect. Pythagoras bequeathed to his scholars that celebrated rule, which has never yet been rightly understood, Worship, or rather study, the echo;' evidently intending thereby to inculcate, that hearers should observe, that an echo never puts in a word till the speaker comes to a pause. A great and comprehensive lesson! but being, perhaps, too concise for the instruction of vulgar minds, it may be necessary to descend more minutely into particular hints and cautions.

A hearer must not be drowsy; for nothing perplexes a talker like the accident of sleep in the midst of his harangue: and I have known a French talker rise up and hold open the eyelids of a Dutch hearer with his finger and thumb.

He must not squint: for no lover is so jealous as a true talker, who will be perpetually watching the motion of the eyes, and always suspecting that the attention is directed to that side of the room to which they point.

A hearer must not be a seer of sights: he must let a hare pass as quietly as an ox; and never inter

rupt narration, by crying out at sight of a highwayman or a mad dog. An acquaintance of mine, who lived with a maiden aunt, lost a good legacy by the ill-timed arrival of a coach and six, which he first discovered at the end of the avenue, and announced as a most acceptable hearing to the pride of the family: but it happened unluckily to be at the very time that the lady of the house was relating the critical moment of her life, when she was in the greatest danger of breaking her vow of celibacy.

A hearer must not have a weak head: for though the talker may like he should drink with him, he does not choose he should fall under the table till himself is speechless.

He must not be a news-monger: because times past have already furnished the head of his patron with all the ideas he chooses it should be stored with.

Lastly, and principally, a hearer must not be a wit. I remember one of this profession being told by a gentleman, who, to do him justice, was a very good seaman, that he rode from Portsmouth to London in four hours, asked, if it was by Shrewsbury clock?' It happened the person so interrogated had not read Shakspeare: which was the only reason I could assign why the adventurous querist was not immediately sent aboard the Stygian tender.

But here we must observe, that silence, in the opinion of a talker, is not merely a suppression of the action of the tongue; it is also necessary that every muscle of the face and member of the body should receive its motion from no other sensation than that which the talker communicates through the ear.

A hearer therefore must not have the fidgets: he must not start if he hears a door clap, a gun go off, or a cry of murder. He must not snuff with his nostrils if he smell fire, because, though he should