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they had waited week and couldn't his sordid avarice from their cabin and catch the ould one." Alas! alas ! for their patch of land, reckless whether the nation wherein such innocent death might not overtake their hunblood is thus savagely shed! Alas! gry, houseless heads—ah! little did for the accursed thirst of gold that he know that the murky night gatherprovokes a horror of horrors like this ! ed men together to bind themselves And when we see the bones of the with an oath, and to cement it with hired assassins (for this task the re- their blood, that his blood should make ward was one quart of whisky each) all even. Surely, surely the whirligig creaking and rattling in the chill De- of time brings about its revenges. cember blast, let us never forget that the greedy wretch on whose kindred “ And if we do but watch the hour, this murder was committed was no There never yet was human power better than an assassin of another That can resist, if unforgiven, sort. Little did he think, when he The patient search and vigil long hounded out the helpless victims of

of him who treasures up a wrong"


i Honours like these have all my toils repaid,
My liege-and Fusbos-here's success to trade"

Bombastes Furioso.

Of all the learned professions, re- as a singed cat to learn merely bis commend me to that of a Cabinet- rudiments. maker-the very name has something Take another learned professionof the grandiloquent about it-Cabi- the lawyer, for instance—what does net--Cabinet Cabinet-maker ; as my friend, Tom Smith, the insolvent Cabinets go now-a-days, to be sure, court attorney, say about them? * You the trade must be very much on the see me here," says Tom, “ I never decline, for such an article as we see give a guinea to none of your young for sale in the shops, God knows--a snobs ; no, sir, a lawyer, take my word poor, vamped-up, unseasoned, veneer- for't, never has any thing inside his ed concern, not fit for but never head till the outside's as smooth as the mind, any thing will sell if you only palm of my hand- they're always pay “the duffers.". Well, gentlemen, green till they're grey—under sixty I to this learned profession was my im- look upon them as infants in law, their mediate progenitor indentured, after up-hill work ceases only at the decline the decline and fall of the Joey em- of life, and they attain to their grand pire, of which I defy Gibbon himself climacteric and grand practice toto give you a better account, and, ac- gether ; in short, sir, no man is a sound cordingly, served his seven years after lawyer if not quite battered out, like the usual approved fashion of appren- a medlar--never ripe till rotten!” My ticeships, which condemns a poor de vil father then, let me tell you, served his to no less a servitude, for the purpose apprenticeship and married the day af. of learning the art and mystery of lay- ter he got his indentures, the very next ing a trowel-full of mortar on a wall day, and took no little credit to him. and sticking a brick in it! Your doc- self for having waited a day, for he was tor and your lawyer get “ finished" in love with my mother, and thought as they term it, in four years—but he could never be soon enough soused your briek-layer dares not flourish an into matrimony-just as a country felindependent trowel short of seven! low in the dog days plumps over head Such is the value of human life, gen- and ears into a fish-pond, and thinks tlemen, which it is the prevailing cant of nothing but floundering about, till to deplore as if it were an auction by he finds himself stuck in the mud! inch of candle, whereas you see plainly My mother, gentlemen, was of a highly that a man must have as many lives respectable family-of course, that's

* The traveller in the county of Limerick may still behold, on the hill-side near the village of Newcastle, the smouldering walls of the burned mansion, with which the incidents above related too true, alas for humanity !are inseparably connected.

neither here nor elsewhere, but she was in a distress, and just as he had comof a tip-top family-not that I mind pleted a new sophism against the Corii family a snuff—the Snakes of Galway; Laws, his wife and children found she was a Snake of Galway-you can't themselves without a bit of bread. In but have heard of the Snakes of Gal. this dilemma, my father adopted a way—of course, blood is blood—not very magnanimous course of conduct, that it matters, but the man who sets which cannot be too highly recomup a family above the Snakes of Gal- mended to cabinet-makers and other way-not that it is a thing to quarrel great men in similar circumstances about--let him settle his affairs, that's instead of working double tides, sav. all! Of course, my mother had no ing his money, and declining politics, money–nobody ever heard of the by which means he would have been all Snakes of Galway demeaning them- right in a very little time, he adopt. selves with money-she had her pride ed the prudent resolution of taking and her blood, and nobody ever heard himself out of this sublunary sphere of a Snake of Galway who did not by the simple operation of poison. possess a sickening dose of both ! Well, Doctor Snoaker, my father poi. Well, my poor father was a dashing soned himself—and I give you leave young fellow, proud of his wife, proud to guess whether the toxicological of bis family, though, for my part, I agent he employed for the purpose was never think about family myself- a mineral, a vegetable, or an animal proud of his skill in the ornamental poison_liquid, solid, or gaseouspart of his profession-for you are not received into the general circulato suppose my father a sofa-cush- tion by the cutaneous absorbents, à ioner or chair.bottomer--no such la Cleopatra, or introduced into the thing, my father was versed in the stomach through the csophagus, à poetry of cabinet-making, he was la every body else ;- perhaps you neither more nor less than Grinling think he died convulsively from the Gibbons in mahogany, and would operation of prussic acid, or expired carve you out a“ Díana and Actæon," comatose from the narcotic agency or the “ Centaurs and Lapithæ," in a of opium, hemlock, or belladonnastyle that_but you have only to go you can't guess. Well, I daresay to Powerscourt, Shane's Castle, or Orfila or Christison, who know more Shelton Abbey, and believe your own of the subject than yourself, (no ofeyes. Well, sirs, my mother was ex- fence, doctor,) wouldn't think of it, travagant to an excess-did I men. if they hammered at nothing else tion that she was a Snake?-I believe I through a winter course of lectures. did, a Snake of Galway—my father The short and the long of it is then, worked early and late to supply her the poison my father employed to extravagance, and was getting on in carry him to the other world—a poithe world in the teeth of all his wife's son, let me tell you, the most fashionendeavours to the contrary, just as the able of its day-was simply an admixnation, gentlemen, keeps its nose above ture of alcohol, twenty-five degrees water in spite of the exertions of our overproof, by Syke's hydrometer, inestimable government to sink it to (commonly called Cork malt), with the bottom-when, as the devil would an equal weight of water at a tempehave it, my father, by some sinister rature of 212° Fahrenheit, to which accident, was made a common council. was added two drachms of the crysman, and from that hour to this, his taline ingredient of the sugar.eane wife and family got no good of him. in powder, and the whole composition, Nothing now went down with the poor under the familiar appellation of whisa fellow but guilds, and boards, and ky-punch, imbibed ad libitum, in a rasub.committees ---freeman by birth, pid succession of brimming goblets, and freeman by grace especial, he was screeching hot! so much absorbed in his public voca- The diagnosis or table of symptoms tion, that he altogether forgot himself resulting from the operation of this as a private individual ; he must turn poison, observes the following order : political economist, too, and in a little Svermilion nose, ferret éyés, leucotime arrived at the sources of national phlegmatic facé, dirty shirt, shockwealth, and at the bottom of his privy ing bad hat, pinch-faced wife, ragged purse, by one and the same conclusion. brats, pawnbroker, bailiff, jail, desScarcely had he mastered the true pondency, delirium tremens, and theory of rent, when our landlord put death! I beg you to correct me if



you think me wrong, Doctor Snoaker, near Kilmainham, on a Sunday afterbut this was exactly the course the noon in May, thirty years ago, you poison took in my father's constitu- might have observed, among other tion; and, by these successive grada- exhibitions of the sort, four drunken tions, conducted him to his grave at scoundrels in rags that had once bethe early age of thirty-three, leaving longed to suits of black, huddling his troubles, a wife and four small along a coffin of rough elm, naked, children, behind him. The funeral upon their shoulders. You are not was strictly private, for three rea- to suppose that they walked soberly sons—first, because my mother wished and with decency as is usual in such it; secondly, because we had

On the contrary, they flounfriends; and, thirdly and lastly, be- dered along, carrying their burden, en cause we had no money. In the whole echellon, and giving it a couple of range of the shady side of human ex. bumps against the gate-posts as they istence, which I delight to study, be entered the burial-ground. Behind cause I live on the shady side of life tottered an old gentleman with a spade myself, there is no spectacle so touch- and shovel, and a weeping boy holding as that of the remains of a poor ing a little girl by the hand, closed the man on the way to their last resting- procession. Arrived at the ground, place. It is not alone that my eye is the old gentleman proceeded to scrape arrested by the miserable cavalcade, a hole, for as to digging a grave that it is the picture of domestic bereave- piece of extravagance is never thought ment that presses upon, and fills the of at Bully's acre, while the drunken imagination. I mourn not for the bearers produced from their rags a dead thus rudely huddled to the grave, bottle of whisky each, the sole remufor “ they rest from their labours, neration they had received or expectand their works do follow them:"I ed for their services. When the hole lament with the survivor drooping had been scraped, just deep enough beside the desolate hearth-the be- to hold the coffin, two of the drunken reaved wife—the fond husband—the bearers seized upon it by pieces of good parent—the dutiful child, in pack cord which protruded through whose heart of hearts the memory of perforations at either extremity, and that perishable clay is for ever en. with many bumps and kicks succeedshrined. It is not that there I see ed in getting it into the hole: a little conveyed away to kindred dust the earth was then scattered over by the staff of the father's age, or the joy of a old gentleman, one end being purmother's hope—the provider of the posely left uncovered, in order that widow and the orphan—the fond par- the public might see there was a coftaker of domestic sorrow—the gentle fin, and that they might not disturb solace of a poor man's toil-no-no- it for a fortnight at least. This cerethere is more gone with the dead, for mony being concluded, there remained ever gone !-the tender recollection nothing further than to recompense of divided joys, the sweet remem- the old gentleman, which I did by brance of sympathy in sorrow, affec- untying the corner of my pocket tions never to blossom again on this handkerchief, and producing a shilside the grave!

ling secured therein for this last meThese losses I mourn, for that they lancholy service. Thus ended the are human-for that they are mine funeral of a cabinet-maker and comown. I lament over the dead with mon councilman, who understood the the living. He is gone-my friend- sources of national wealth, had masmy brother!

tered the true theory of rent, and Flow, generous drops, flow on! nor could argue Peyronnet Thompson himlet a blush mantle upon the cheek self upon the Corn Laws. whereon they fall, or, if bitterness Not to keep you longer engaged mingle with thy tears, may it never with my ancestors,—I was born on be the bitterness of mine that the the 19th day of August (old style), barren wish, and the vain compas- in the year I perceive you sionate tear, make all the bounty it is are glad I am coming to myself at thine to bestow! An impoverished last, and I dare say you wish, uncountry exhibits this sad finale in the grateful dogs that ye are, that I had greatest variety; and accordingly if been born before my father and you had happened any of you, to be grandfather, by which inversion of standing at the gate of Bully's acre the order of nature you would have

salt saas,

had me married by this time, to my

II. second wife at least. This is all the This widow so ston-ey, thanks I get for leaving out the his- Was stout, tall, and bõn-ey, sory of my aunt Bridget, who eloped Her husband he left her to plough the with Teague Duffy, the French dancing-master: her adventures would He plumped to the bottom, furnish materials for three fashionable

His shiners she got 'em, novels—as fashionable novels go

So, without botheration, she lived at her

aize. plot, dialogue, and catastrophe, and

Och ! a beautiful cratur, which any autobiographer alive, ex

As any in natur, cept myself, would make a right good

And just like myself, too, in every fature. living of! I omit Bridget with the less regret, as she disgraced the family

CHORUS. by demeaning herself with Teague

Arrah, widdy, says I, stop my bachelor's Duffy,—and so I was going to say,

trade, I was ushered into public life on

Or, as sure as you live, I will die an ould the nineteenth day of August (old

style), at twenty-two minutes past
eight in the morning, in the year

I perceive you are somewhat

I scorn to be scaly, impatient, gentlemen, but what would

So trated her daily, you have me to do-take precedence

As sure as the night came, with whisky of my lawful father and grandfather,

and tea; and break through the settled prece- And then, in a noddy, dents of a thousand autobiographies — Her beautiful body excuse me, gentlemen, if you please- Was stuck, cheek by jowl, in the front be“after your ladyship,” as Prince Pos- hind me! terity said to my grandmother! Well,

To finish the matter, the devil a syllable more of my auto

Mick Rooney was futter, biography will you get from my lips

And for that very rason he set his cap at this blessed night-for I see it is be

her, tween three and four in the morning. Pat! no sugar for me, I never take

CHORUS. sugar with my“ night-cap.” While

Arrah, widdy, says Mick, stop my bachePat is mixing our grog, gentlemen,

lor's trade, we can't do better than indulge the

Or, as sure as you live, I will die an ould

Counseral by allowing him to sing a


No longer they tarried,

But off to be married, Och ! love it is murder,

As thick as two sweeps, to the church they I wish it was furder;

were sped; On my oath I've a mind to get rid of my

When, who should be stalking, life

To stop their church-walking, I'm out of my sinses,

But the widdy's live husband the boy that Besides my expinses,

was dead !!! And only becase I'm in want of a wife!

Poor Mike was confounded, The widow, Mahoney,

The widdy she swounded, She was my cró-ney,

The men picked her up, and the women Only her heart was so hard and so stā

surrounded ney.


So here I am left to my bachelor's trade, Arrah! widdy, says I, stop my bachelor's And if none of yees take me, I die an ould trade,

maid. Or, as sure as you live, I will die an ould



easy would

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You tell me, my dear Eusebius, friends had an aversion, and the youth
that you wish to deter a young friend an unfitness. It arose from their lay-
from going to Italy; and therefore ing before him a scheme of life, it be-
desire me to put on paper some of ing then about the time he should
those disagreeable incidents, that when finish his course at the university.
I told them to you some years ago, They dwelt upon the country Elysium
you thought, if published, would of a quiet parsonage, how
keep many a tourist of our comfort- be his progress through the university;
loving age, within the more decent but unfortunately they did not stop
bounds of our own counties, or the there, but dwelt in much detail upon
three kingdoms; though I know not, the dangers, disgusts, horrors, and
but that if decency be the measure, one turmoils of the several other profes-
of the three may be omitted. In the first sions, and particularly of the army.
place, Eusebius, I greatly admire your Would you believe it, the gentle
simplicity in imagining that incidents youth, the amiable youth, who never
of difficulties, annoyances, or even had a hand to grasp a sword, a heart
danger, will deter a young friend from to shed blood, or a head for “ plots
his proposed travel. For, suppose and stratagems” whom nature had
him to be of that extremely indiscreet gifted like the cat with domesticity,
age at which the law of the land and to purr out his days of quiet happi.
thinks fit to make him his own master, ness at a parsonage hearth, with his
the prospect of encountering them infant cherub faces about him, copies
will naturally so excite his youthful of his own and their mother's ten-
spirits, his courageous energies, that derness,—this lamb of men decides
he will but bid you good-bye the upon acting the tiger, and nothing
sooner. Try the contrary method, will go down with him but the army.
and tell him of all the pleasures he will Letters of remonstrance passed in
have to enjoy, and the chances are quick succession: this only made the
that none will be to his taste, and he matter worse, or rather made it what
will grow cool. There is always a it was, a temporary fever; and in this
disposition in youth to kiek manfully state I was requested to remonstrate
at every obstacle put in its way; how. with him. But I took care to do no
ever pleasant a toy that which you put such thing. I talked it over with him,
in their way may have appeared, be- and, assuming that he had chosen that
fore they find it out to be an obstacle, profession, I spoke of the glory of it,
then fire and fury is in them, and the and thence gently let down the talk
very moon looks pale lest that ob- into the requisites for it, and question-
stacle be kicked in her very face, so ed him, as I remembered reading that
high does the spirit of indignation Socrates did a youth of a somewhat
mount; and if you repeat this, you similar ambition.
will surely beget in them pertinacity, Of course, I made him prove himself
which, nolens volens, will make a fool consummately ignorant in all that re-
of you, excuse, (dear Eusebius, the


lated to war. I questioned him upon sonality,) and of themselves too. You statistics and politics, and all the myshad better let them expend their ill. teries of strategy generally,and in partitimed and megrim-bred desires by giv- cular what I could muster uporinvent. I ing them the full scope of talk, and saw some considerable shame at his own they will subside of themselves. Her- ignorance, and the first interview endcules would never have made the ed, after he had shown up himself choice, if Virtue had not put the diffi- as unfit for the regular army, with a culties before him, and you know determination to join General Evans Pleasure was sent packing. But there in Spain. I reported the matter to is proof in matter of fact, and, there. his friends--advised them to let a little fore, I give you an example. I was wbile pass, and then to authorize me requested to remonstrate with a youth to let him take his choice. They did who had unaccountably, so his friends so, and my next interview with him said, taken a whim, a fancy to enter showed that his fever was of the ague the army, to which profession his kind, and had its hot and its cold lits.

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