The piece was what's term'd, in the language theatrical,
Serio-comico-melo-dramatical.

A little before this grand play had begun,
To our great consternation, a huge gilded sun
From some Phaeton's fingers, unus'd such to handle,
Dropp'd down on the stage and extinguish'd a candle;
An event, by the bye, at which well you might guess,
Greater lights never failing to put out the less.
We waited not long ere they drew up the curtain--
The veil, I had rather said, sir; for I'm certain,
So full 'twas of holes, that, unless you were blind,
You might see very plain the transactions behind.
With much bustle and strut, enter by the stage-door
A squat little hero some five feet by four,

Follow'd close by his band, whom he fell to haranguing
(Each man of them look'd as if destined for hanging):
You ne'er in your life saw so motley a group,

Not two of them wore the same dress in the troop.

You'd have laugh'd till your sides crack'd, I'm sure, had you seen A lancer file off with a duck-legged marine.

I pitied sincerely one poor little chap,

Borne down by the weight of a grenadier's cap.

One play'd an hussar with much bustle and racket,

With one arm ramm'd into a fireman's jacket.

Though, as well you'll imagine, their dresses were various,

The weapons they bore were not less multifarious:

One grasp'd an old musket, and one little elf

A blunderbuss nearly as large as himself;
One had an old fowling-piece wanting a stock,
And one a horse-pistol without any lock:
This bore a carbine, that a squat musketoon;
One was chain'd to the sword of a heavy dragoon;
One was crown'd with a helmet of steel à la Grecque,
While an old rusty corslet was slung round his neck.
Their commander at last, what with kicking and punching,
And rapping them over the shins with his truncheon,
In reducing his troop to some order prevailing,
They stood like a piece of irregular paling.

This done, he exclaim'd-flourish trumpets and drums)—
"'Tis she-the queen mother-behold where she comes!"
When-judge you the scene, 'twas enough to affright him—
Enter to him a sow and pigs ad infinitum,

Which by chance, in the midst of the grand preparation,
In a nook in the barn had escap'd observation.

Little Buskin, amazed, gave a tragedy start,

With his arms in the air and his legs wide apart,

Through which the old sow thrust her monstrous proboscis,
And fairly walk'd off with our pocket Colossus,
Who returning, exclaim'd, "Sirs, your pardon I pray:

I was quite overcome, I was carried away,"

An event then occurr'd which produc'd a finale,
Well worthy his Muse who late sung "Triumphale."
One act of the play with a battle was ended,

Though the rout that ensued was by no means intended.
Some firing took place, when the audience saw

A piece of live wadding had lodg'd in some straw,
Which, you'll readily guess, was not long in igniting,
Both actors and auditors sorely affrighting:

This "last scene of all" was most truly appalling,
All making a rush-women screaming-men bawling;
It was each for himself, 'mid confusion and pother,
Now trampling on one, and now tumbling o'er t'other.
In the mean time, for aught that the rest did to hinder,
The barn and contents might be burnt to a cinder.

I was rather more cool, for the mischief I saw

Had then but extended to one truss of straw,

In which thrusting a hay-fork, in triumph I bore

Through the crowd, who by this time had burst the barn-door,
And rush'd up to their necks in a horse-pond, long ere,

In their hurry and terror, they knew where they were;
And as the huge blaze in the water I threw,

Not a few of them thought that the pond had caught too;
While others, their senses as lost in their fright,

Imagin'd the barn was pursuing their flight.

Want of room here compels me my letter to end:
Adieu, for the present, my much-valued friend!

W. H. H.

SINGULAR PROPERTIES OF THE WONDERFUL NEW INVENTION, THE IMPERIAL BALSAMIC OIL OF BLARNEY.

TO THE EDITOR.

dit of their panacea, which, though in some cases it may be of temporary service, will always be found to fail in great emergencies.

SIR, To get on in this world must be the grand object of every one's ambition; but how to do it effectually is the great secret, which, like the Happily, however, for mankind in philosopher's stone,has hitherto elud- general, all that Messrs. B. and B. ed discovery. It is true that Messrs. promise can be performed by means Bareface and Bluster have recently of a wonderful and incomparable inoffered to the public what they pre-vention, for which the proprietors tend to style a universal passe-par- have obtained his Majesty's patent, tout, to enable all classes of society to extricate themselves from every possible difficulty, and to make their fortunes to boot; but, like most other charlatans, they have nothing but sheer impudence to support the cre

with which the public are forewarned the abovementioned gentlemen have nothing to do.

This invaluable preparation, invented by Messrs. Plaster, Palaver, and Pleascall, is called the Imperial Bal

most eminent diplomatists; and here Messrs. P. P. and P. cannot help observing the singular effrontery with which Messrs. Bareface and Bluster have claimed for their Extract of Brass the patronage of the Congress of Verona, when it is very well known, and indeed can be proved by the state papers of the Congress, that little, if any, of the Extract of Brass was made use of; while, on the contrary, a considerable quantity of the Imperial Balsamic Oil of Blarney was supplied to the high contracting powers by Messrs. Plaster, Palaver, and Pleaseall, who had the honour on that occasion to give the most perfect satisfaction both to their imperial and royal majesties and their ministers.

samic Oil of Blarney: it is extracted from the genuine blarney stone, the virtues of which have been so long and so justly celebrated; and is confidently offered to the public by the inventors as possessing all, and more than all, the virtues falsely ascribed by Messrs. B. and B. to the Extract of Brass. To prove this fact, we need only look at some of the cases in which the extract of brass is said to have been successful: what for instance could our Hunts and Cobbetts have done without the Oil of Blarney? Did they not try in vain to arrest the public attention by boasting of their own talents, patriotism, and sufferings in the cause of their country? All their brass, and every body knows they have enough of it, could not cram the dose down John Bull's throat, till it was plentifully seasoned with the Oil of Blarney. And as to our Scotch and Irish neigh-tors: it will assist the first in justifybours, what has brass, unmixed with the above admirable ingredient, ever done for them? Who ever heard of a Scotchman's shewing a brazen face to those from whom he had any thing to ask? And when a lady, in excuse for running away with a tall Irishman, tells you that "his tongue dropped manna," is it not evident that Pat has achieved his conquest solely by the aid of the Imperial Balsamic Oil of Blarney?

But it is not only in England that this invaluable preparation is esteemed: it is in equal favour on the Continent, as may be easily proved by the unsparing use made of it in every dispatch from the French army now in Spain; while the Constitutionalists on their side are so well convinced of its admirable qualities, that they vie with their antagonists in the use of it.

It is especially patronised by our

This preparation will be found particularly serviceable to persons high in office and to parliamentary ora

ing themselves from any charges of peculation or misconduct which may be brought against them. It will also be extremely serviceable in conciliating those troublesome people who cannot be bought, and in managing dependents to the best advantage. It will enable the others to put a handsome gloss upon their conduct whenever they find it necessary to change sides, and also to secure the good word of both parties.

People who have more taste than money will find it of sovereign efficacy to keep their tradesmen in good humour; while it will be useful to those who have more money than taste, in stopping the mouths of their good-natured friends.

Men of fashion should never be without the Oil of Blarney: it would not be possible to enumerate the various occasions on which it may be