Profanely for the apocryphal
False Heaven at the end o' the hall;
Whither it was decreed by Fate
The precious reliques to translate.
So Romulus was seen before
B' as orthodox a senator,
From whose divine illumination
He stole the Pagan revelation.

Next him his son and heir-apparent
Succeeded, though a lame vicegerent;
Who first laid by the Parliament,
The only crutch on which he leant;
And then sunk underneath the state,
That rode him above horseman's weight.

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And now the saints began their reign,

For which th' had yearn'd so long in vain,
And felt such bowel-hankerings,

To see an empire all of kings,

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Deliver'd from the Egyptian awe

Of justice, government, and law,

And free t' erect what spiritual cantons

Should be reveal'd, or gospel Hans-towns,

Were found the busiest to transact;
For tho' most hands dispatch apace,
And make light work, (the proverb says,)

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Yet many different intellects
Are found t' have contrary effects;
And many heads t'obstruct intrigues,
As slowest insects have most legs.

Some were for setting up a king,

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But all the rest for no such thing,

Unless King Jesus; others tamper'd

For Fleetwood, Desborough, and Lambert;

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Some for the Rump: and some, more crafty,

For agitators, and the safety;

Some for the gospel, and massacres

Of spiritual affidavit-makers,

That swore to any human regence,
Oaths of suprem'cy and allegiance;
Yea, tho' the ablest swearing saint,
'That vouch'd the balls o' th' covenant:
Others for pulling down th' high places
Of synods and provincial classes,
That us'd to make such hostile inroads
Upon the saints, like bloody Nimrods:
Some for fulfilling prophecies,
And th' extirpation of th' excise;

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And some against th' Egyptian bondage
Of holy days, and paying poundage :
Some for the cutting down of groves,

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And rectifying bakers' loaves;

And some for finding out expedients
Against the slav'ry of obedience;
Some were for gospel-ministers,
And some for red-coat seculars,

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As men most fit t' hold forth the word,
And wield the one and th' other sword.

Others were for abolishing

That tool of matrimony, a ring,

With which th' unsanctify'd bridegroom

Is married only to a thumb;

(As wise as ringing of a pig,

That us'd to break up ground, and dig ;)
The bride to nothing but her will,

That nulls the after-marriage still.
Some were for th' utter extirpation
Of linsey-woolsey in the nation;
And some against all idolizing
The cross in shop books, or baptizing;

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Others, to make all things recant

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The Christian or sirname of saint;

And force all churches, streets, and towns,

The holy title to renounce;

Some 'gainst a third estate of souls,

And bringing down the price of coals:

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Some for abolishing black-pudding,

And eating nothing with the blood in;
To abrogate them root and branches:
While other were for eating haunches
Of warriors, and now and then
The flesh of kings and mighty men;
And some for breaking of their bones
With rods of ir'n by secret ones:

For thrashing mountains, and with spells
For hallowing carriers packs and bells;
Things that the legend never heard of,
But made the wicked sore afraid of.
The quacks of government (who sat

At th' unregarded helm of state,
And understood this wild confusion
Of fatal madness and delusion,
Must, sooner than a prodigy,
Portend destruction to be nigh)
Consider'd timely how t' withdraw,

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And save their windpipes from the law:

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For one rencounter at the bar

Was worse than all th' had 'scap'd in war;

And therefore met in consultation
To cant and quack upon the nation;
Not for the sickly patient's sake,
Nor what to give, but what to take;
To feel the pulses of their fees,
More wise than fumbling arteries;
Prolong the snuff of life in pain,
And from the grave recover......gain.

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'Mong these there was a politician,

With more heads than a beast in vision,

And more intrigues in ev'ry one

Than all the whores of Babylon;
So politic, as if one eye

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Upon the other were a spy,

That to trepan the one to think

The other blind, both strove to blink:

And in his dark, pragmatic way,

As busy as a child at play,

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H' had seen three governments run down,

And had a hand in ev'ry one;

Was for 'em and against 'em all,

But barb'rous when they came to fall;

For by trepanning th' old to ruin,

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He made his int'rest with the new one;

Play'd true and faithful, tho' against

His conscience, and was still advanc'd.
For by the witchcraft of rebellion

Transform'd to a feeble state camelion,
By giving aim to either side,

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He never fail'd to save his tide,

But got the start of ev'ry state,

And at a change ne'er came too late:

Cou'd turn his word, and oath, and faith,

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As many ways as in a lathe;

By turning, wriggle, like a screw,

Int' highest trust, and out, for new.
For when h' had happily incurr'd,
Instead of hemp, to be preferr'd,
And pass'd upon a government,
He play'd his trick, and out he went:

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But being out, and out of hopes

To mount his ladder (more) of ropes,
Would strive to raise himself upon
The public ruin, and his own.

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So little did he understand

The desp'rate feats he took in hand.

For when h' had got himself a name

For fraud and tricks, he spoil'd his game;

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Jad fore'd his neck into a noose,

To show his play at fast and loose:

So right his judgment was cut fit,
And made a tally to his wit,
And both together most profound,
At deeds of darkness under ground:
As th' earth is easiest undermin'd
By vermin impotent and blind.

And when he chanc'd t' escape, mistook
For art and subtilty his luck.

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O' th' compass in their bones and joints;

Can by their pangs and aches find
All turns and changes of the wind,
And better than by Napier's bones,
Feel in their own the age of moons:
So guilty sinners in a state

Can by their crimes prognosticate,

And in their conciences feel pain
Some days before a show'r of rain;
He therefore wisely cast about

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All ways he could t' insure his throat: