Paying the wonted fine, and giving
Seemly account of mode of living,
Dismissed, break through the cobweb, leaving
To Fate the poorer class of Fly;
Whom Justice--that old spider, grieving
Much for their guilt, condemns for thieving
Upon the very web she's weaving,
And eats them up while they reply!

These previous cases heard, they bring
Before his worship Chang and Ching.
Loudly the watchmen made complaint
Of blows that might have roused a saint;
Asking if now the luckless watch

Your single rogues could scarcely catch,
What in Heaven's name must be the trouble

To catch the rascals going double!

They begged of Vice so bold a sample,
Might now be made a dread example.

Or else, the sage Police were sure
The thing would spread beyond a cure;
And every rascal in shoe leather
Would go thus hook and eyed together.
Nay, not content perhaps with pairing,
Set round like jewels in a rare ring,
Thieve-murder--aye, and rape in musters,
And hang at last like grapes in clusters.

Gravely the Justice heard the speech,
Gravely the Justice eyed the two,
Gravely the Justice frowned on each,

And said "Young men, 'tis very true!
"Your crime, you cannot but be sensible
"At present seems quite indefensible;

66

Appearances are aggravated,

"Your being thus so strangely mated;
"A circumstance which, if not vicious,
"At least, must be allowed suspicious!

66

Perhaps you can explain, and state your
"Reasons for this strange trick of Nature.*
"If you can give of all this mystery
"A full account, and honest history,
"Our laws will do you nought of ill-
"If not-they send you to the Mill!"

The Justice ceased-the brothers stared-
Neither for answer was prepared.

We must be careful how we consider there is any exaggeration in this harangue; how we censure the author for too broad a caricature, or the justice for too harsh a vein of reasoning. Are the Siamese the only men condemned for what it often happens Nature has been alone to blame? Do none owe crime to the example of parents, the stings of famine, and a variety of circumstances over which the culprits had no control? Poverty ties men to guilt, as the bone united Chang to Ching. And a poor devil born beneath the frown of fortune is hung because it continues.

N

Bewilderment and fear Ching muzzled,

And ev❜n sage Chang looked vastly puzzled.

Chang was the first to re-collect
His spirits into full effect;

Stoutly the stalwart Justice eyeing,
And lashing wrath into replying,

He'd just upon the lip-the word;
When Ching, tho' still confused, nor knowing
Well what to say he now was going,

But all impatient to be heard,
Cried out-and while affection fired him,
His mother wit not ill inspired him

"I made the row, Sir, I alone,

"While Chang was gazing on the sky, sir;

"He prest me greatly to come on,

"But such a girl was in my eye, sir!

"And so, not deeming it could hurt

"You, or your laws, I stopped to flirt;

"And tho' my weakness you may blame, sir,

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Perhaps you might have done the same, sir.”

The Justice smiled-ev'n English cadis

Are rarely prudes about the ladies.

Ching sees, and boldly he renews-

"Well, Sir, and while we thus amuse "Ourselves, come by some lawless strangers, "Who turn delight, Sir, into dangers.

Nay, one of these uncourteous foes "Had put quite out of joint my nose;

"But that I clenched, in wrath and trouble "The fists I lately learn'd to double;

"Then a few blows exchanged, Sir—then
"A seizure by these gentlemen;

"A night, Sir, in a shocking hole,
"And now, you see, you know the whole!

"But one word more ;-in this affair,

"If I have sinned, my sin not knowing, "Such penance I consent to bear

"As you may deem it worth bestowing; "But he-my brother-no offence "Committed; you must let him hence! "Take me to prison, if you please, "But first this gentleman release; "And while to jail the guilty sending, "Take heed, nor touch the unoffending !"

Ching ceased; the court was in a grin -
The tranquil Justice stroked his chin,
And asked the night's superior saint if
The court did now contain the plaintiff ?
But Popkin wisely not appearing,

He straight dismissed all farther hearing:
"Young men, you may go where you please,
"Reform your ways-and pay your fees!"

Alas! how in the world we 're made for,
Sins conquered, really are sins paid for!
We break a head, inspired by wine,
What plasters up the wound?—a fine ;
We steal a wife-we foul a name-
What mends the matter?-still the same?
In notes her sentence law dispenses,
And justice only means expenses.
But, oh!-conceive our Twins' dismay-
They'd not enough the fees to pay !
However, Fate, who kills most lame
Dogs, in this case assumed a smile;
And in a human shape she came

To help our lame dogs o'er the style!

It chanced that Laneham all night long
Had wander'd houseless, and despairing;
And passing homeward now, the throng
Around the office entrance staring,
His way uncourteously impeding,

Aroused the sense-till then of aught unheeding. So, as he moved, he heard the loud

And guessing wonder of the crowd,

"Two joined together, head and foot-I

"Saw them myself, they look so sooty."

These words, and more resembling these,
Serve Laneham wholly to awake: