found myself very happy, believing that I was one; but, alas! I was ftill a ftranger to the rebellion of my nature, nor could I believe that I was such an enemy to God as you declared we all were, until about the month of April laft, when it pleafed God to begin a deep work on my foul. At first I was feized with a difmal gloominefs of mind all day long, and at night with fearfulness and trembling, infomuch that it was often three or four hours before I could get my eyes to fleep after I went to bed. The Lord began to make manifeft the thoughts of my heart, and to fet my fecret fins in order before

me.

I had not been long in this ftate before a man, who had formerly made a profeffion of religion for many years, came into the room where I was at work, and he was in madness and black despair, Seeing fuch an awful fight added not a little to my heavy affliction: the threatenings and curfes in the Bible began to wound me deeply, and my fin to appear exceeding finful. Having Mr. Romaine's Life of Faith by me at that time, I frequently read it; one part of which in particular cut me to the quick, where he mentions many characters who have no faith, and amongst the rest he brings in "the formal profeffor, with gofpel notions in his "head, but no grace in his heart;" and fays it is a dangerous state, and confirms it by this paffage, for if we fin wilfully after that we have received the know

ledge

t

ledge of the truth, there remains no more facrifice for fins; from this I concluded I had been guilty of the great tranfgreffion.

One Monday evening, about that time, you was fpeaking of fpiritual, and likewife of formal, prayer, and you faid a perfon might take a form of prayer and read it by one who was given up to black defpair, but it would be of no ufe; for, faid you, there is a fin unto death, and no prayer will do for that. These words (a fin unto death) ftruck me with fuch horror, that I went out of the chapel fhaking like a leaf.

On the Thursday morning foilowing, before I was up, I really thought I was in hell; all was black despair; I kept crying out, Is there no hope? Is there no hope? Something within answered as fast, No; no hope, no. How long I lay in that fit I cannot tell; but in the course of my trouble I had four or five more fuch, but none fo bad as the first. Indeed I believe that these were the fnares of death and the pains of hell, and I then believed that I was referved in blacknefs of darkness unto the judgment of the great day; and Satan fuggefted, that if ever I went to hear you again, the fentence of condemnation would be fo fealed home upon my confcience, that I fhould immediately go distracted. The next morning I called upon you, and you told me, "that I was in the ftrong hand of God, and men❝tioned many paffages of fcripture defcriptive of ff my ftate, and faid I should go deeper yet, and "that

"that the Lord would bring me out in his own "time," which gave me fome encouragement for the prefent; but I foon thought that you was deceived in me, for my load of guilt and bondage grew heavier than ever, and Satan began to buffet and accuse me in a cruel manner, and perfuaded me that I had told you many lies, and that I could expect no bleffing under your ministry, infomuch that I was afhamed to go into your chapel; and when I was there, I was in fuch terror, that I was forced to hold faft by the feats, left I should be driven out distracted. My body, alfo, fometimes has been worked up into fuch strange feelings, as though it would burft. I have fometimes thought that I was dumb, and wished the fermon to be ended, that I might try whether I could speak or not. At other times my neck has appeared to be fo ftiff that I could not turn my head, and often I felt as though the use of my limbs was taken away. Indeed [ feared I was entirely given up to the devil, for I could receive nothing from your mouth but condemnation; I faw myself to be one of the vileft wretches that ever crawled upon the earth, and, as I had fat under the gospel fo long, I looked on myfelf fully ripe for ruin and destruction, and funk deeper and deeper in despair.

I

One fabbath morning I took a walk; and while I was walking and pondering over the fad state I was in, never expecting to be any better, I thought I would not go to hear you any more, but would wander.

wander about all the day, when thefe words came powerfully to my mind, if any man draw back, my foul fhall have no pleasure in him; what to do I knew not, for I expected if I went to hear that I should only be made worse. However I was forced to go; and in your fermon you was speaking of the power that God displays in holding all things in exiftence, and of devils and damned fouls being kept in their mifery, while his incenfed juftice, flashing on them, ftirred up the flames; I had fuch a view of their ftate that I was almost distracted; my throat was fo hot through the terrors I felt, that I fet off directly you ended your fermon to get fome small beer to cool it, but expected foon to be where I fhould not be allowed a drop of water. My friends ftrove to comfort me; but I was defperate, and would not hear them. However, in the evening, I came to hear you again; and, after wrestling hard with God in prayer for his bleffing, I heard you from these words in Romans, the Spirit itself helpeth our infirmities, &c. Here you spoke of the difference between one who was given up to the devil as Judas was, and one who was under convictions by the Spirit of God; and before the fermon was ended I loft all my load, and went away rejoicing in hope. O! what a change was this! But this lafted but a fhort time, for on Monday evening you cut me down again; Tuesday evening, at Monkwell-street, I got a little comfort; but, on Wednesday evening, down I went again, for, indeed, the words have

come

come with fuch amazing power from your mouth, as to make my heart fink like a stone. I got no more fuch comfort again for five or fix months, but thought I was given up to hardness of heart; during which time my sleep was almost taken from me, fo that I thought it pretty well if I could get one night's reft out of three; but fometimes I had not a minute's fleep for three nights and days together, which made my head fo bad, that I thought I fhould have loft my rationality; and being by trade a jour neyman fhoemaker, it was hard for me to keep my feat, and for many months I did not do a day's work in a week, and for a whole fortnight none at all; but my good and gracious God would not fuffer me to ftarve.

While I was in this ftate, one evening you preached from thefe words, We must all appear before the judgment feat of Christ. O! what an evening was this to me! I thought the Lord had fent you to preach this difcourfe, that I might receive my fentence firft from your mouth; and then I expected that my foul would foon be feparated from my body, in order to receive the fentence from a confuming fire, or an angry judge, which is no lefs. You appeared to be the worst enemy I had in this world, because I thought that your miniftry was made a favour of death unto death to me; and I thought that every one that looked at me would be a witness against me. All the following night I had no reft, but expected to be cut off every moment; hell feemed