, diforder. Sometimes there would be prefented a beautiful *** neat ***, and every way attracting and fuitable for what the devil intended; fometimes would be introduced various *** faces, and Satan would change them very fast, first one, and then another, that I might be kept in amufement with variety; and fometimes he has prefented the most terrible objects, and frightful figures, that I hardly think ever eyes beheld, first one, and then another, that I have even fhrunk and trembled at the very fight; and with these things I have been amused, or rather difordered, betimes, for a long time together. I began to think, if it proceeded as related above, that I could bring them to myfelf; and at night I tried, but I found I could do no fuch thing: then I began to confider what tendency they had, and I foon found that they led my mind from God, or kept me from coming to him; and here I efpied the cloven foot, and used my weapons against him accordingly, and he has not been with me, in this way, and with fuch powerful force, fince; he now only comes in that way as a fhort vifitant, and is gone again, for I verily believe he knows that I can put my hand upon that cockatrice-den. Your letter gave a good deal of light to me concerning this very thing; these are some of the high things St. Paul speaks of, that would exalt themselves. against the knowledge of God, which our God mercifully cafts down in all his elect; and I wish I could say that all my imaginations that are contrary contrary to his will were caft down alfo, and that every thought might be brought into captivity to the obedience of Chrift; and, according to my present feelings, I put my hearty Amen. My dearly beloved, the contents of your letters respecting my being a preacher has troubled me very much; you have gotten from a fuppofition to a pofitive declaration, that it has been revealed to you fome time: I declare it made me tremble like an afpen leaf. I can no longer look upon the matter as I have done in times paft; there is no one can tell the trouble that I have in my mind about it: if I look into myself, I find no ability or qualification for it; if I look into the Bible, I find it a fealed book; if i look to God, I have not lately had any accefs; if I look to my fituation in life, my way feems hedging up; if I look to the people, I am quite confounded; if I run unfent of God, I can expect nothing but his curse; and if I keep back contrary to his will, I can expect nothing but (what I am greatly afraid of) his rod. If ever a poor creature needed the prayers of the children of God, I do; therefore let me beg of you, and those that really fear God, to intreat our Lord Jefus Chrift on my behalf, that thefe crooked things may be made ftraight, and that these rough places may be made plain. And yet what puzzles me, my converfation is made a bleffing to the people; for there is feldom or ever a fabbath-night comes, but fome one or other gets a bleffing; almost all the church, at one time or other, hath received a bleffing through my converfation, and they feem all gaping in high expectation that I fhall be paftor over them. Το keep away from them I dare not, to go to them I am afraid. Some time back I had a dream: I feldom notice dreams, because they may be occafioned by various things, but I thought there was fomething fingular in this. I drearnt I was in a large broad place, it was a fhallow pond, and the water was only up to the ancles, and here I was fifhing; but fomehow the waters left the place, and the fish were left in holes; I faw them ftruggling in the holes, with their tails in the water, and their mouths gaping for the water, with their eyes and their mouths fteadfastly directed toward me; they had fpeckles upon them; I thought they were fuch fish as I had never seen before, and I could not tell which way to lay hold of them I remember fomebody faid they came from London about ten years fince, but a certain perfon gave a fhout, and I awoke, and behold it was a dream. It was made out to me the next day, towards night, that it was a type of the church state at G, which I found in fome fenfe to answer very much indeed; and there is fome part of it, even at this prefent period, made evident; and there is fomething yet to come: the people's eyes, mouths, ears, and hearts, are at this time gaping in expectation of a bleffing through me, and I, a poor blind fool, know not how to lay hold, what to fay, or how how to act; but at prefent I go loaded thither, and come home again the fame. They have been at me to read a chapter, as you mentioned in a former letter, and, if I faw any thing in it, only to give them my thoughts; at laft I agreed, and last fabbath was the first time. Lately, when I came home, I begged of God, if this was confiftent with his will, that he would be pleafed to direct me to a chapter, and enlighten my understanding in it; I think I had not been ten minutes before thefe words came across my mind (2 Cor. v. 19) that God was in Chrift, reconciling the world unto bimfelf, not imputing their trefpaffes unto them. However I was all the week, till Friday, muddling with the fore part of the chapter, the pooreft, diftreffedeft creature living, praying and groaning, but I could not get on. This fame day I received a letter from our beloved friend Mr. O- which was a little confolation to me, and through it I was led more to the particular words that I had on fabbath-night, and I think it would be impoffible to defcribe the fenfations that I felt; but I read the chapter and told them what I faw, at least so far as I could utter it; when I came to the 19th verfe, I endeavoured to say something more from it, for I faw it contained the commiffion that is given to every real minifter of the gospel, and is the fum and substance of the whole; I attempted to fhew (but very lamely and with a deal of fhame) how God was reconciled through Chrift, and and that he was ftill reconciling by his Spirit; I fhewed how I'faw God in the law, and how I faw him in Chrift; I endeavoured to bring it home in the experience and application of it, but I was quite confounded: there, thought I to myself, is not this fufficient for you, are you not fatisfied now, that you have no business with these things? My answer was, Quite fatisfied indeed; and concluded that I was one of thofe prefumptuous fools that must be meddling; but this is the last time. Yet for all this my mind was led to fpeak, and I thought I had a little light into fome of the fecret workings of fome parts of my former experience, that how a man might fay, and be fure in his understanding and reason, that he had no idea of coming by the works of the law; yet for all this the law works fometimes fo fecretly in experience, that they could not tell what was the matter with them, nor what quarter it came from. I pointed out the fenfations, and alfo their thoughts in those times, and the drift and tendency they had, that the native enmity and rebellion of the heart was ftirred up, and coldnefs, deadnefs, darkness, and confufion, were the confequences; here Chrift profited nothing, for they were hewing out to themfelves cifterns, broken cifterns that could hold no water, and, fo far as in them lay, were rejecting the counsel of God against themselves, and overturning God's appointed way in the falvation of finners, |