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LETTER V.

To the Rev. Mr. HUNTINGTON.

REV. SIR,

Ir has been on my mind to write to you feveral times, but thinking your time was much taken up in the miniftry has caufed me to delay; and knowing that you are an inftrument in God's hand, by the love, joy, power, and peace, that my foul has felt and enjoyed in reading your writings, and in fitting under your preaching, from the hand of the Lord, this caufes me to fend you these few lines.

About fourteen years ago I was convinced, by a dream, that I had awfully finned against God, and in my distress I promised never to fin any more; but foon broke my promife, and went on in fin, with my conscience accufing me daily for it. From this time forward I had the dread of future punishment continually on my mind.

About twenty years of age, when under great fear and torment, I had a fresh discovery of my fins, I faw all the fins that I ever committed in a trance; this was attended with an intolerable burden,

but

but I promifed, if God fpared me, never to fin more: but when my ftrength was recovered I took to a worse course than ever, for I got into wicked company, and took to drinking in order to drown the thoughts of hell torments; I tried to harden my confcience against all fear, and went on in this course for three or four years. Soon after this I was married, and, having a family coming on, I left my old companions and took to hard labour, with nothing but the thoughts of hell and damnation on my mind all the day long, and the devil tempting me to put an end to my life; but hearing these words often whispered to my mind, flee from the wrath to come, I thought the minifter of the church must know if there was any way for me to efcape; and the reason that I did not know, was because I attended fo carelessly. I went to church, refolved not to let any word flip of what the minister faid; but, alas! he said nothing about my cafe. And as the people who attended feemed to know nothing about foul-trouble, I went there no more, but took to searching of books, and out of an old prayerbook I learnt many prayers, and said them when I was under trouble, mourning over my hard fate with tears: this I called repentance; but God fhewed me, in a dream, the end of the world, and Chrift coming in the clouds of heaven; I looked to my repentance for refuge, but that was of no avail, for the mouth of the bottomlefs pit broke open just where I ftood; this made my bondage to increase,

fo that I thought the earth was not ftrong enough to bear me up under my burden. I went to hear BH preach, and his confidence I took for faith, which foon lifted me up till my head touched the clouds. Soon after this I fell into fin, and this brought diftrefs on my mind again, and I tried to believe the promise according to what B- H preached; but I could not believe, for all my fuppofed faith was fwept away. I was under fore temptations, such as no tongue can exprefs; there was no character to be compared with me in God's word, except that of Legions; the guilt of my fin was upon me; Satan clofe to my heels all day long, fo that I was afraid to look behind me; the thoughts of my heart were fuch, that I was forced to hold my mouth with all my might, left it should break out in fuch blafphemy that the people would have me confined in a madhouse: but finding that God fpared me, I cried earnestly to him for mercy, and that with tears; and Satan would tell me, " that Efau "fold his birthright, and afterwards fought the "bleffing with tears, but found no place of re

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pentance," &c.; and I had taken hold of the gofpel, and looked back and finned against the Holy Ghoft, and there was no forgiveness for me. There is no tongue can exprefs what I felt at this time. One night as I was alone reading the paffage where the Lord is faying, I will be a wall of fire round about, and will be the glory in the midst of them; this fire I took to be hell fire, and thought that it would devour me

before

before morning: this drove me to cry to the Lord for mercy, and Chrift appeared before my understanding with his pierced fide, and I saw that he was bruised for my fins; and look which way I would he was still before me, and all my fins were separated from me: this filled my foul with love, joy, and peace; this enabled me, and caused me to mourn over him whom I had pierced by my fins, abhor myself, and repent in duft and afhes; at the fame time my affections were in heaven, and these words were put in my mind, "I never will leave you, nor "forfake you;" and in this love I walked many weeks, and foon began to fear that my old friend **** was not born again, for he described nothing of the plague of the human heart, nor of the chaftisements of God, or the path of tribulation; and in answer to prayer the Lord discovered this more and more to me, which broke off all our acquaintance, and he caft out my name as evil, that others fhould not believe what I faid concerning his faith; but, as I could hear none but legal preachers, my foul was foon brought into bondage again, and this led me to backfliding, and every fnare that Satan laid was a trap to my feet, and I was brought again under the law, and that worked wrath in me. I heard talk of you, Sir, and your books, but my old friend faid that he and you were exactly alike in experience, therefore I would not permit any of your writings to come into my houfe, till I heard a perfon read your Bank of Faith; this caufed me to C 4

think

think that I had been fighting against a true faith, for this appeared to me very different from my old friend's faith.

Soon after this I was coming to London, and was under fore temptations to difbelieve my fonfhip; this caused me to seek the Lord by prayer, and he gave me fresh manifeftations of his love. I asked the Lord to bring you into the pulpit with fome text of fcripture refpecting the moral law, and he really anfwered my prayer, for you spoke from these words, The law of the wife is a fountain of life to depart from the fares of death. Under this difcourfe I faw that my foul was in bondage, and that I was left there, that Solomon's words might be fulfilled in me, the backflider in beart shall be filled with his own ways. And this I had to the full after I returned home, and was forced to leave my old place where I ufed to hear, and try other minifters, but found no fatiffaction under them.

At another time, a little before I was coming to London, I heard three different preachers handle this text of fcripture, But his mouth is most fweet, yea he is altogether lovely; but I got no fatisfaction from what they faid. This drove me to prayer in the fields, and I asked the Lord to let me hear you preach from the fame text on the Tuesday evening following, at Monkwell-ftreet; and the Lord anfwered me, for you preached from the fame words, and I found it a Bethel to my foul.

At another time, under fore distress, I was at

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