the Lord appearing to delay his coming, I began to be reluctant, unbelief began to work again, and I came to my old conclufion, I believe it is only a delufion after all! I have had a little hope for fome time, but I have been deceiving myself; if he had ever loved me, he would let me know it. I cannot look at my well spent life, for of finners I am the blackeft; I know I deferve hell, and he would be just in fending me there: but know where I belong to I muft, and fhall never reft till I do know. Thefe were my meditations. But, blefs him for evermore, one morning as I was upon my knees at the bedfide-to defcribe what I felt I cannot; but, what with sweat and tears, and the agony I was in, I believe my hair stood upright on my head while I was praying in that condition these words came to me, like a voice through my foul-Be of good cheer, thy fins are forgiven thee. I turned myfelf round, as if the Lord had been behind me, and said, Lord, "what! my fins that are paft? I am a finner yet." And immediately thefe words were applied to my foul-The blood of Jefus Christ cleanfeth us from all fin. What I felt none can exprefs with the tongue; but, oh! the joy, love, and peace, that flowed into my foul! I could hardly believe I was the fame perfon; I was full of nothing but praifes and thankfgiving to Jefus, for I believed affuredly then that he loved me from everlafting, and bore all my fins in his own body on the tree. This continued promife upon promife, night and day, fleeping and waking, my foul was with him; yea, I claimed every promise

promise in the Bible, I feared nothing, nor cared for nothing but the Lord Jefus Chrift; he was my fong night and day. The Lord did fo abundantly bless my foul at times, that I have told him, though in ignorance, Lord, this is more than ever I asked for, and more than ever I expected; this is fufficient, I fhall doubt no more, for this is beyond all that ever man could expect or defire. But ftill the Lord continued it; for I was, I believe, near a twelvemonth in this ftate: and, blefs the Lord for ever he has not left me without a feeling fenfe of it to this day; for, whenever the Lord the Spirit is pleafed to lead my views to the atonement, and I can view Jefus fuffering for me, my heart is broke; and I cannot help it, whether it be under the word preached, or reading the Bible, or on my knees, or at my work, I am often wondered at. But to fee what he has faved me from, the vileft of all wretches living: oh! that I could live more to the honour and glory of his bleffed name! A little before the Lord was pleased to bring me into the trial of that faith he had given me, I had a vifion, which I never fhall forget while in the flesh, and I will endeavour, as the Lord fhall enable me, to defcribe it.-I went on my knees one morning, according to custom, before I went about my daily employ, and found great nearness to the Lord in prayer; but all on a fudden I was caught away in my mind, forgetting I was on my knees, and viewed myfelf in a bright fhining cloud that the fun was ready to fhine through; I lay VOL. II.

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on my fide in the cloud with my eyes fixed on fome writing which lay at the bottom of it. At this time I was pleading with the Lord his promises; telling him of his promifed bleffings, his faithfulness, goodnefs, mercy, and love; my eyes were fixed on the writing as if they had been thefe words appliedBelieveft thou this? I would break out and say, Yes, Lord, I do believe that thou wilt be faithful to all that thou haft promifed. I would plead again. The word was the fame in my mind-Believeft thou this? I ftill told him I did believe it. This was applied feveral times. I was then led to fee my vileness, and this paffage of fcripture was brought to my mind- I am a man of unclean lips; my eyes have seen the king, the Lord of Hofts. But when I came to myself I was in a comical posture, for my head was turned round on my fhoulder, and I was very wet, I suppose with tears; but this did not work a flavish fear in my heart, for as yet my foul was alive to the Lord Jefus. But I confidered what it all could mean; and, foon after this, the Lord by little and little began to withdraw his comfortable prefence; I could not have communion with him as ufual; I fought him with all my foul, but could not find his comfortable prefence: I then began to find fuch blafphemous thoughts, and the corruptions of my heart began to ferment, no God apparently at hand, and unbelief ftepping in, I began to call all in question, whether the work was of God or not? for this was what I never more expected to find. I then fat under Mr.

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W, whofe chapel is in G— street, Lincoln'sInn Fields; and, when I could not find the Lord, I fought to fome of the established Chriftians, as I thought, who belonged to that church. Some told me, if they had experienced the love they had heard me fpeak of, they fhould never be in the ftate I was in others faid, I had forfaken their company, and I certainly must keep bad company. I then went to Mr. W, the minifter, and he really laughed at me, and faid I muft look to Jefus. I told him I could not find him; and, faid I, if I could but look to him I would not have come to you.

In this ftate I laboured for I believe near fix months, and nobody knows what I fuffered but God and myself, except thofe that have felt the fame. At times I have found my rebellion fo ftirred up, that I have fecretly wifhed, as I have gone along the street, that fomebody would come and ftab me, and kill me out of my mifery. I have jumped out of bed in the night when thefe blafphemous thoughts were hurled through me, gone on my knees, and prayed God, if I was not in the bond of the covenant, never to fuffer me to get off my knees again, but fend me to hell, where I deferved to go; but no answer. Sometimes I would get into a private place, go on my knees with humbleness of heart, and cry thus-"Lord, decide this matter once more "between Satan and me." I have broke out sometimes" I do know the Lord-I am fure I do." I have argued with the devil an hour or two on a ftretch

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ftretch. I have given all up to him of my experience, till I have come to my deliverance, where the Lord fpoke peace to my foul; but I never could give up that, for, bleffed be the Lord, he kept me, or Satan would have had his ends. Well, I was brought at laft to this conclufion-Now I will never speak to any perfon more about my experience, for I believe there is nobody in the world knows any thing about it." No," fays the devil, you was never yet delivered, nor can you find "any one perfon that was delivered from the bon"dage of the law ever brought into such a state

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as you are in." Upon which I thus concluded: Well, if I belong to God, he will keep me from thefe evils; but if not, the devil will have his ends, for I am certain I cannot keep myself.

In this forlorn ftate I went on; fometimes my heart as hard as a flint, and full of the fury of the devil; at intervals, fome humblings, that I could in some meafure pour it out to the Lord for a moment; then I was fhut up again, and as hard as a ftone. Well, thought I, I fhall go mourning all my days. But one Sunday morning as I was going to chapel, for I could not keep away, though I was under great temptations to do it, I was meditating on my state: Thought I, is there nobody can fympathize with me, is there none that can point out my cafe? When thefe words were applied with power to my foul-I will give you paftors after my own heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding. I was perfuaded