Farewell, Nan. FENT. Farewell, gentle Mistress. FENT. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once1 to-night [exit. QUICK. NOW Heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her. I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promis'd, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses. What a beast am I to slack it! [exit. ACT III Sc. IV SCENE V. A Room in the Garter. Enter FALSTAFF and Bardolph. FAL. Bardolph, I say! BARD. Here, Sir. FAL. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in 't. [Exit BARD.] Have I liv'd to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be serv'd such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a New Year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as Hell, I should down. I had been drown'd, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow: a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swell'd! I should have been a mountain of mummy. 18 1 sometime. ACT III Sc. V Re-enter BARDOLPH, with the wine. BARD. Here's Mistress Quickly, Sir, to speak with you. Call her in. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. QUICK. By your leave; I cry you mercy! Give your FAL. Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle BARD. With eggs, Sir? FAL. Simple of itself: I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.-[Exit BARDOLPH.-How now? 30 QUICK. Marry, Sir, I come to your Worship from FAL. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was FAL. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. 39 QUICK. Well, she laments, Sir, for it that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine; I must carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, I warrant you. FAL. Well, I will visit her. Tell her so; and bid her think what a man is. Let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. QUICK. I will tell her. FAL. DO SO. Between nine and ten, say'st thou ? QUICK. Eight and nine, Sir. 50 FAL. Well, be gone: I will not miss her. QUICK. Peace be with you, Sir! [exit. FAL. I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within; I like his money well. O, here ACT III he comes. Sc. V Enter FORD FORD. 'Bless you, Sir! FAL. Now, Master Brook? you come to know what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife? FORD. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business. 60 FAL. Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her house the hour she appointed me. FORD. And sped you, Sir? FAL. Very ill-favour'dly, Master Brook. FORD. How so, Sir? Did she change her determination? FAL. No, Master Brook; but the peaking cornuto,1 her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, kiss'd, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love. FORD. What, while you were there? FAL. While I was there. 73 FORD. And did he search for you, and could not find you? FAL. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and, in her invention, and Ford's wife's direction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket. 80 FORD. A buck-basket! FAL. By the Lord, a buck-basket: ramm'd me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins: that, Master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril. FORD. And how long lay you there? FAL. Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet Lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the 1 anxious cuckold. ACT III jealous knave their master in the door; who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their basket. I quak'd for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have search'd it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a search; and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffer'd the pangs of three several deaths. First, an intolerable fright, to be detected with1 a jealous, rotten bellwether: next, to be compass'd, like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopp'd in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease. Think of that—a man of my kidney-think of that; that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw. It was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe. Think of that-hissing hot-think of that, Master Brook! FORD. In good sadness, Sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffer'd all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. FAL. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have receiv'd from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook. FORD. 'Tis past eight already, Sir. FAL. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crown'd with your enjoying her. Adieu! You shall have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. 112 120 [exit. FORD. Hum-Ha!-Is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, Master Ford! there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets!-Well; I will proclaim myself what 2 fine-tempered blade. 1 by. I am : I will now take the lecher; he is at my house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse, nor into a pepperbox: but, lest the Devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame. If I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad. [exit. ACT IV SCENE I. The Street. Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and WILLIAM. MRS. PAGE. Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou? QUICK. Sure, he is by this; or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come MRS. PAGE. I'll be with her by-and-by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his master "Tis a playing-day, I see. comes. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS. How now, Sir Hugh? no school to-day? EVANS. NO; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play. II MRS. PAGE. Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits EVANS. Come hither, William; hold up your head; come. your master, be not afraid. EVANS. William, how many numbers is in nouns ? WILL. TWO. QUICK. Truly, I thought there had been one number more; because they say 'Od's nouns.1 EVANS. Peace your tattlings. What is fair, William? 21 ACT III 1 God's Wounds. |
