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young woman and won her heart, obtained also the consent of her father, to whom she was an only child. The old man had a fancy that they should be married in the same church where he himself was, in a village in Westmoreland, and made them set out while he was laid up with the gout at London. The bridegroom took only his man and the bride her maid : they had the most agreeable journey imaginable to the place of marriage, from whence the bridegroom wrote the following letter to his wife's father :

« March 18, 1672. “ After a very pleasant journey hither, we are preparing for the happy hour in which I am to be your son. I assure you the bride carries it, in the eye of the vicar who married you, much beyond her mother, though he says your open sleeves, pantaloons, and shoulder-knot made a much better show than the finical dress I am in. However, I am contented to be the second fine man this village ever saw, and shall make it very merry before night, because I shall write myself from thence,

“ Your most dutiful son,

GT. D. “ The bride gives her duty, and is as handsome as an angel

I am the happiest man breathing.” The villagers were assembling about the church, and the happy couple took a walk in a private garden. The bridegroom's man knew his master would leave the place on a ludden after the wedding, and seeing him draw his piftols the night before, took this opportunity to go into his chamber and charge them. Upon their return from the garden they went into that room ; and after a little fond raillery on the subject of their courtship, the lover took up a pistol, which he knew he had unloaded the night before, and, presenting it to her, said, with the most graceful air, whilst she looked pleased at his agreeable flattery, “Now, madam,' repent of all those cruelties you have been guilty of to me; consider before you die, how often you have made a poor wretch freeze under your casement; you shall die, you tyrant, you shall die, with

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all those instruments of death and destruction about youwith that enchanting smile, those killing ringlets of your hair.” “ Give fire,” said The, laughing. He did so, and shot her dead. Who can speak his condition ? but he bore it so patiently as to call


his man, The poor wretch entered, and his master locked the door upon him. “Will,” said he, “ did you charge these pistols ?” He answered, “ Yes.After this, amidft a thousand broken fobs, piercing groans, and distracted motions, he wrote the following letter to the father of his dead mistress :

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“ I, who, two hours ago, told you truly I was the happiest man alive, am now the most miserable. Your daughter lies dead at my feet, killed by my hand, through a mistake of my man's charging my pistols unknown to me.

Such is my wedding-day. I will immediately follow my wife to her grave; but before I throw myself upon my sword, I command my distraction fo far as to explain my story to you. I fear my heart will not keep together till I have stabbed it. Poor good old man! Remember he that killed your daughter died for it. In the article of death I give you my thanks, and pray for you, though I dare not for myself. If it be possible, do not curse me.”

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Tertius è cælo cecidit Cato. Juv. Sat. ii, 40.

A third Cato is dropped from the Heavens.

N my younger years I used many endeavours to get a

place at court, and indeed continued my pursuits till I arrived at my grand climacterick. But at length altogether despairing of success, whether it were for

want of capacity, friends, or due application, I at last resolved to erect a new office, and for my encouragement, to place myself in it. For this reason I took upon me the title and dignity of censor of Great Britain, reserving to myself all such perquisites, profits, and emoluments, as should arise out of the discharge of the said office. These in truth have not been inconsiderable, for, besides those weekly contributions which I receive from John Morphew, and those annual subscriptions which I propose to myself from the most elegant part of this great island, I daily live in a very comfortable affluence of wine, stale beer, Hungary water, beef, books, and marrow bones, which I receive from many well-disposed citizens, not to mention the forfeitures which accrue to me from the several offenders that appear before me on court days.

Having now enjoyed this office for the space of a twelvemonth, I shall do what all good officers ought to do, take a

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